Obsession

I've come to the realization that obsessive/compulsive behavior can be discovered in a majority of the populace if examined closely enough. Why do we keep returning to the same thing over and over even after absolutely and finally throwing up our hands in resignation and resolution? This is something I've wanted to share with others for years and at least I've gotten the simple message across to family and friends alike. There is no simple way to explain it though, for each individual I've reached has been through a unique communication involving special circumstances.

The fact of the matter is that if something is important enough to us, we will ignore all warnings and pursue our goal in blind faith rather than give in to the demands of an unfair situation. Taking this "Special" something away from someone would be like taking a Diet Coke away from Alice Cooper. Even though Alice would survive, you can bet your bottom dollar that he would be heartbroken and find a way to get back his Diet Coke fix. That is only an example. For me, it would be like taking away my innate curiosity about the way things "tick". Saying to myself, okay Dave, no more physics because it is interfering with the rest of your life, but the rest of my life is somewhat pointless without that one "Special" ingredient. Everything loses flavor when I haven't time to ponder the subtleties and nuances. It is all a bland, meaningless and incoherent mess if you know what I mean.

Although the curiosity has shifted over the years from differing subject matter, it is still the same curiosity. That is my obsession and I know they say that curiosity killed the cat, but remember what I said about ignoring all warnings and pursuing my goal in blind faith. 'Puss in Boots' comes to mind. The cat was clever enough to fool a king. I'm not saying to throw caution to the wind. Cancer signs are naturally Cautious. In fact, overly cautious, but if we are "cut off" without being allowed an opportunity to express our feelings, we will also remain forever heartbroken. It is as simple as that. There is no trade off. Would you compromise yourself for the sake becoming at odds with your own values? I don't think of it at as a disorder. It is more like a temporary psychosis or neurosis. If it was a personality disorder, it would be unnoticeable in the individual from that individuals perspective, but since I know when I am obsessing and find myself in a moral quandary, I regard it as a neurosis similar to paranoia.

I cannot fully explain it in psychological terms, but I have given some pointers as to how it should be coped with. I thank God that I am not codependent. I can't handle those codependent people simply because I am so independent. It's like mixing oil and water, we just don't understand each other and so never talk it out. I have a lot of sympathy for people that have brilliant thought processes, but are incapable of expressing them in words. It is like being born mute or something. They have all of these great ideas in their head, but when you ask them to explain, they stumble. They are somehow hampered by vocabulary and are sometimes even regarded as quacks or freaks. I'm not sure if there is a solution to this disability. I suppose there are moments when I too have ideas that cannot be expressed in words or pictures, but these are derived mostly from emotion and can thus be expressed through action. Sometimes we miss the forest for the trees. If we are looking at the details too closely, our minds get wrapped up in a blanket of confusion. We must then regard ourselves as being at the peak of the summit with our head above the clouds. Even though we cannot view the valley below, we have serenity in the knowledge that we too are hidden from view. I've found that most people when given a chance in their proper element are capable of expression. I'm not sure about their private thought processes, but I am at least able to relate to them on the level.