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Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Comedy · #1680558
Contest entry.
Ben let out a deep sigh as he reached out to help the old lady up from the pile of tin cans. It was just one of those days when Murphy's Law seemed like an optimistic take on things. Everything that could go wrong had – and then some.

'Are you alright mam' Ben asked as he slowly pulled up the old lady. She was well into her 80's with white curly hair and stood no more than five feet tall. She just gave him a long stern look without uttering a single word. Then she reached out for his name tag and pulled it with surprising force toward her eyes. Ben lost his balance, just for a second, and took a half step forward to regain it. He put down his foot right on one of the knocked over cans and as he put his weight on it instead of stopping his forward momentum he propelled it. Before he knew it they were tangled up on the floor in a very awkward position.

'Rape! Rape!' she cried out in a high pitched shrill voice that sounded like it would break every piece of glass within a mile. Ben quickly rolled off her to his right straight into what remained of the pyramid of cans and although most cans already were scattered on the floor he was still showered with forty or fifty of them. As he cleared them off his face he found himself staring right into the nozzle of a small black container. The old lady leaned down and sprayed his eyes with pepper spray for a good five seconds before she had emptied the entire bottle. His eyes and nose began to run and he coughed uncontrollably while trying to catch his breath.

After a minute or two the effects of the pepper spray slowly began to wear off, but his eyes was still filled with tears and everything was blurry. He slowly rose to his feet trying to gain his bearings. He stumble forward a few steps, then backwards and forward again before he lost control again. He took four or five quick steps backwards before he fell into a shopping cart behind him. The cart then took off in full speed down the aisle. He could hear startled customers getting out of the way as he saw the lights in the ceiling racing by, one by one before the cart came to sudden stop as it hit a gondola at the end of the aisle. He was catapulted into the air and made an involuntarily somersault over the gondola after which he crashed into a unaware customer on the other side.

The scream that came from underneath him could not be mistaken. He flew to his feet only to headbutt the manager who had been taking down a complaint from an old lady who claimed to have been assaulted by an employee – twice! 'That's him! That's him!' she shouted from the floor. 'That's the third time that he has attacked me now' Ben felt the panic building up inside. He turned to the old lady who was already being helped back up by the check-out girl. He then turned back to his boss who was moaning on the floor behind him. He reached down to help him, but with his sight still impaired from the pepper spray his eye-hand coordination was non existent and he poked the manager right in the eye.

'There he is. Arrest him! Arrest him!' the old lady shouted from a safe distance. He began to turn around, but halfway through the motion two policemen dropped him to the floor and had him in hand cuffs within seconds. As he did his walk of shame through the store he felt a sense of serenity, now nothing more could go wrong. This was rock bottom. 'In case you haven't figured it out. YOU ARE FIRED!' the manager shouted, still immobilized on the floor.

660 words.
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