A life time love

I walked out from the thick of the forest, the smell of eucalyptus following me. The dry earth and fallen leaves crunched under my feet as I made my way towards a tree in the middle of a clearing. It was as if this tree was pulling me to it. I don’t know why, but I needed to be close to this tree. I needed to touch it. I didn’t recognise the area. I don’t think I had been here before, but this didn’t make me uncomfortable. I wasn’t worried about being lost, and the closer I got to the tree the calmer I felt.

Something about this tree held me in captivation. It was standing alone in a clearing that was about the size of a foot ball field, and I almost felt sorry for it. It was as alone as I should feel at the moment. Its thick trunk looked like it was wrapping around itself, writhing in the agony of being outcast. Suddenly a strong gust of wind swept its way around the clearing, making the surrounding forest sound as though it was laughing or whispering about the lonely tree.

This made my drive to comfort it more forceful and when I looked up it seemed as though the trees branches were reaching out to me. They where stripped of their leaves and the twisted crippled fingers of the branches looked as if they were mimicking an old ladies hand.

The closer I got, the more fragile this primordial specimen looked. I wanted to hold her hand to either help her rise from a seated position or to comfort her before she succumbs to her demise.

I stepped into what should have been the shade of her bountiful canopy of leaves, but instead I was coloured by the shadowy stripes from her naked, outstretched fingers. I reached out to touch the rough haggard bark of her twisted trunk. She was dying with very little life left in her.

I felt like crying. I felt like I knew this tree. I felt like I had some sort of tie to it, and I wanted to save her from a lonely death. With one hand on its trunk, as if to comfort her, I looked up towards her fragile branches trying to find any ounce of hope that she might survive. There it was a little sign of hope. A single green leaf holding on for dear life.

I sighed and lent against the trunk hoping that this beautiful ancient tree could feel my encouragement to keep trying. I really wanted this tree to stand strong and survive. I wanted it to be here next time I came.

I didn’t know why I wanted so badly for this tree to keep going, but I decided that I would stay with it for a while. I looked around at the trees that surrounded us and then I looked down the slight incline that led up to where I was standing.

That’s when I saw her. She was wearing a white dress, and she walked as though she was excited to see something. I wasn’t sure if it was me that she was excited to see, and I was a little embarrassed, but I couldn’t pull my eyes away from her. I am gentleman, and I was raised better than to stare at a complete stranger, but this woman was mesmerising. I thought I was dreaming. She was beautiful and familiar at the same time. The way she walked with a skip in her step, the way her long silver blond hair moved around her face and shoulders and the way her strawberry coloured lips pulled up into that smile.

Her eyes seemed to widen when I smiled at her, and then she quickened her pace. She was almost running now, but she seemed too slow, as if she was in some sort of pain. I didn’t know what was wrong with her, but I wanted to go over and help her. I wanted to introduce myself. ‘Hello my name is John. It would be my great pleasure to be able to assist you if you would allow me to.’  Is what I would say if I were able to talk myself into having the courage to do so.

When I looked down at myself I didn’t see a man that was worthy of a woman such as this. She was magnificent beyond words, and I was just plain old me dressed in my everyday brown trousers with suspenders holding them up and my dirty, off white shirt rolled up to my elbows. I was plain old John. Eighteen, lanky, awkward, badly cut hair and completely bewildered in the presence of this woman.

When she finally reach me, and I saw her face in all its wonderment, I couldn’t help but let my jaw hang slack. Her sparkling blue eyes, her flushed cheeks and those lips. I couldn’t have made a more perfect woman for myself even if I were God himself. She was perfect, from her flowing blond hair, right down to her bare feet and baby pink toe nails.

She was standing right in front of me and I still couldn’t speak, but she didn’t stop smiling, and that smile was so familiar. I knew her, maybe from another life, but I knew this perfect woman, and I was going to get to know her better. I just had to speak to her.

I was leaning against my ancient friend, the tree, willing it to give me the support that I needed to speak to this mysterious woman. I opened my mouth to speak to her, but then she stopped me by raising her hand to my mouth.

“Please don’t speak John. Just hold me, I have missed you so much. Just hold me.” Her voice was just a whisper, but it surprised me. Firstly she knew my name, and secondly she sounded so much older than she looked.

I granted her request and didn’t speak, and then I held out my arms to invite her to the warmth of my body. Her eyes glistened with tears, but she was still smiling and then she fell into me.

The minute my arms wrapped around her thin frame, I remembered.

I do know her. I have loved her all my life. Her name is Esme.

“Grandma, Grandma.” I heard a voice making its way up the incline towards us.

I held her tighter, and she whispered, “Please take me with you.”

I knew her because she was my wife. She was my one and only love, my one and only perfect Esme, and I had loved her until the day I died.

I was 94 when I died. I died in my sleep and as always I was holding Esme as we slept. Her long hair tangled around my face, but without it there I don’t think I would have ever slept as soundly. I loved her. I loved everything about her, and now as I held her in my arms I saw her for how she really looked. She was withered and her hair was white as snow and very fine. Her skin was creased with smile lines and age and her perfect strawberry lips were pale and thin. She is just as beautiful as the day I first saw her.

It was a warm summer’s day and she was resting under the shade of this tree. The tree, like Esme, was youthful and full of life, and spread its shade over her protecting her from the heat of the day. This tree had been the start of our friendship, then it saw us through every chance encounter – that I made sure happened – then every romantic evening that we shared. We got married here and then eventually our children played in and around this tree. I knew this tree well and considered it a friend that helped me find the love of my life.

“Grandma! Oh there you are.” Our Granddaughter Julie was panicked and glad to have found Esme. She placed her hand on Esme’s shoulder and tried to ease her away from me. “Come on Grandma. You shouldn’t be out here, it’s cold.”

It didn’t feel cold to me, but what would I know, I’m a ghost. I thought it was summer when I stepped out into the clearing, but when I had another look around I noticed that the ground was lush and green. The trees were standing tall and proud, relishing the extra moisture in the ground and my Esme was shivering.

I looked down at her and kissed her forehead. She looked up and smiled. “You should go.” I said to her. Her eyes welled again and her smile faded. She shook her head in defiance.

“Come on Grandma. It’s going to be alright.” Julies voice and eyes were full of concern, and that’s when I saw what she did. My Esme was out in the freezing cold hugging a tree and looking at it like it was me. Our family thought she was delusional.

I tried to move her away from me, but she only held tighter. “No, no. Don’t do this.” Esme’s eyes filled with tears.

“Please Grandma; I don’t want you to get sick. We have to go inside.” Julie thought Esme was speaking to her.

“Please John take me with you. I don’t want to be without you any longer.” I just shook my head. I wasn’t going to take her before her time. “Please!” She whispered as her voice trembled with the fear of leaving me again.

“Come on Grandma.” Now Julie had tears in her voice. She put her hands around Esme’s waist and gently pulled her away from me. Esme was frail and thin and was no match for Julie, but she still reached out for me as she was being pulled away.

Julie held her tightly around the waist as she guided her back down the hill. As they walked away from me I saw that the white dress I first thought Esme was wearing was actually a hospital gown, but she was still beautiful.

I stood there until they were out of sight. Esme looked over her shoulder as much as Julie would let her and I couldn’t help but crumble to the ground with the agony of watching my one and only perfect Esme be taken away from me.

The wind howled through the clearing and smashed against the tree. It snapped a few branches off and blew the one enduring green leaf from its hold.

All hope was lost, love was lost, and they thought my perfect Esme's was lost, never to find her way back again. But we will be together again one day and I will wait here until that day comes.