Ramera - Chapter 3 - 1st Draft

CHAPTER 3

Awakening the next morning, I slowly opened my eyes and wondered why the sun had not woken me as it shone onto my bed like it normally did every morning. There was a strange ceiling over my head, not the black undersides of the Devali tree. Then with painful clarity the events of the previous day came rushing back to me. A startled cry escaped my lips before a Derna attendant, a white striped female, registered my wakefulness and came over to the bed. She was humming soothing sounds and gently brushed my hair back from my forehead. She gave me the slight grimace that was the equivalent of a Derna smile and asked, “Well youngling are you hungry?” I shook my head and closed my eyes and began breathing deeply to initiate the Allus meditation for calming to prepare myself for the day to come.
“Youngling, you cannot go back to sleep. You need to arise; you have a busy day ahead of you. Elder Zehok is here waiting to see you. Such an honor to have an Elder here to see such a youngling.”
I let out my breath slowly and wondered why she was not leaving me alone and letting me do my morning meditations? How was I supposed to achieve balance before the day began with her bothering me? I nodded my head and sat up then crossing my legs in front of me I tried to begin again, hoping she would get the idea and leave me alone. Instead she began setting out clothing and prattling on about how I should be properly respectful to the Elder and what behavior was expected of a youngling in an Elders presence. She sprinkled her lecture with random comments on how strange my clothing was and other inane drivel that most children found absorbing, I just found it distracting and more than a little irritating. Yeula never treated me like this, why wasn’t she here? Where was Shyvva?
With a heavy sigh I finally gave up trying to initiate my Allus meditation and climbed down off of the bed and began walking toward the sanitary facilities for this room. The Derna assistant followed me in and began to try to assist me, we were definitely off to a bad start. I looked up into her eye and said, “I do not require your assistance and would like to have some privacy please.” She stepped back as if I had slapped her across the face. I slid the door shut firmly and started the water running to wash my face, the tears finally came. My eyes had been stinging since the memory of yesterday had reared its ugly head and I had hoped that the meditation would help keep them at bay. Well the damn had broken and the tears needed to flow. I gave up and began washing for the day and when I was done I heard her still outside the door and decided that I bettered stop. Derna were often very confused by human tears, the only time a Derna’s eye leaked any fluid was if they were suffering from one of more serious ailments that could affect their kind or if the eye had been injured so human tears were often a cause for a severe reaction and often fear from the Derna. So I ran some cold water and splashed it onto my face to help me stop the tears and shivered. After drying my face with the odd fluffy moss that the Derna used as a towel or wash cloth I slowly slid open the door of the sanitary unit. I walked over to the chest that I had seen her pull my clothing from and opened it, determined to wear what I chose for myself. The dress she had chosen for me had been laying on the top of the chest was one for dressy occasions, not for everyday and certainly not something I had any intention of wearing. She began to scold me for not dressing properly for an Elders visit when I lost any hold on my temper and before even thinking of what I was doing I found myself turning to the Derna and with tears coursing their way down my cheeks I screamed, “GET OUT”. She drew to her utmost height and before she could say anything to me I advanced toward her with a shoe in my left hand ready to throw it at her. She turned and quickly fled from the room. I had just behaved in one of the most distasteful ways in Derna culture, not only had I behaved in a rude manner by yelling and not speaking courteously, I had committed the ultimate taboo act by threatening violence upon another.
I returned to the chest and selected the standard tunic and leggings that I always wore. I struggled with the buttons on the front of the tunic because my hands kept shaking. I really felt bad for yelling at the silly Derna female, but she was so different from my mommy and my dear Yeula in every way. Was Yeula mad at me because of what had happened with my parents and the Derna? Had she abandoned me like my family and Shyvva? Why was Shyvva not here, she could always help me reason through things I didn’t understand and distract me from the bad or boring things. I felt tears running down my cheeks again and surrendered to the shame and overwhelming grief. I sunk down to my knees and laid my head on the floor and surrendered to the need to wail out my hurt and release the broken hearted child that had just lost everyone she loved. Mommy, Daddy, Jerod, Yeula, and Shyvva, even our lovely Devali tree was gone as well. They were all gone. There was no one to help guide me through this and no one to help me find balance again. How long I cried I didn’t know but I had managed to cry myself out and sat back against the footboard of the bed hic-coughing and sniffling. I had one sandal on my lap and the other still lay in the chest, I could see it through the gaps in the vines as I sat and stared at the strange chest that held my clothes. I was sitting there wondering what I could do to get someone to love me and care for me like my parents or Yeula did, or even tolerate me like Jerod did, that would be better than nothing which was what I had.
I was so miserable that I didn’t bother to look up as the door opened and Elder Zehok came in to the room. Being a very caring and empathetic elder he immediately perceived the dejection and absolute misery of a small girl who has lost everything and everyone she has ever known, he bent down and gently took the shoe from my slack hands and clumsily tried to put it onto my foot. Shaking my head I pulled my foot away and he handed me the shoe. I quickly slid my foot into it and the strap over my heel. Then I rose and gathered my other shoe from the chest and slipped it onto my other foot. Elder Zehok had watched me intently. Derna never wore shoes or had any need to so the sandals were a curiosity to him. When I finally met his eye he gave me a Derna smile and said, “You see seedling, even an Elder Derna has new things to learn. You are much out of balance, more so than yesterday. I brought you here to the healing center to be put back into balance and you are sadly even more out of balance, what has occurred to injure you further?” The Elders concern was genuine; I looked deeply into his green eye and just didn’t know where to begin or what to say. He seemed to understand and offered me one of his paws and said, “Well let us begin to set things to rights. You dear youngling are to receive an immeasurable gift today. They left it for you. Did they ever talk to you of a special gift?” I nodded and he continued as we walked from the small room that I had been placed in among the few that had been created for the resident humans and started down the hall to our left, “Well you will receive it today, it will not hurt, you have had other hypo-spray injections before correct? Well this is like those, you may feel very strange for the next few days, but you will adjust and I will be here with you the whole time. Would you like that youngling?” I shrugged and asked, “Will this morning’s attendant be back while you are here?” An undulating ripple through his torso that was the Derna equivalent of a chuckle occurred before he asked, “Would you like her back?” I shook my head quickly and his rippling intensified as the staccato laugh typical to Derna escaped his mouth. “Well youngling she was very upset when she contacted me a while ago. Was there a reason for this?” My cheeks flamed in shame as I thought of my earlier behavior and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. A soft paw the size of my head gently touched my chin and raised my face to meet his gaze as he asked, “Did you behave discourteously this morning youngling?” I nodded and he stated, “You need to tell me the cause of this Ramera. You are not a youngling prone to this behavior. I have never read or heard anything that indicates this is normal for you.” I sighed and removed my chin from his paw before saying, “She is not like Yeula, I could not do my Allus meditation with her chattering away, and I do not need to be dressed and treated and talked to like a helpless baby. She kept throwing me off balance and kept distracting me from refocus myself.” The Elder waited a moment before he replied, “Are you not an infant? Are you able to care for yourself? I thought Yeula was there to care for you, did you not need her?” We were entering a communal eating area as I decided that the best way for him to understand was to tell him how things were with Yeula. “Well I wash and dress myself; I brush my own hair and teeth. Yeula makes my meals, often letting me help but I feed myself. Yeula has been teaching me the ways of the Derna and helping guide me through my other studies. She plays games with me and takes me with her on errands and for walks. When I rise each morning I do my Allus meditation and exercises and then get ready for the day. Yeula lets me do this on my own; she does not talk to me or get out my clothes while I am meditating. She does not wake me in the morning, the Devali does, and I commune with it as best as I can. When I come out of my bower room Yeula usually has breakfast ready and we talk about what we are to do each day as we eat breakfast. She and I are together until it is time to go get Jerod from school, and she then helps him with any homework while I am supposed to be taking a nap and then we all fix dinner before mommy and daddy come home. I......” I had to swallow a few times as we sat down at a small table in an isolated corner of the small and busy dining area. The Lenta leaf gently raised me to the appropriate height for my stature with the table. “Sometimes she will stay for a while and visit with mommy and daddy or if they have to go somewhere in the evenings. Yeula has always known how I am and how to keep me balanced or help me to find balance again when I become imbalanced. She never says or does the wrong things.” The elder gently brushed the fresh tears from my cheeks before asking, “Have you eaten yet?” I shook my head and sniffed. He motioned to a waiting Derna male and spoke to him briefly in the clipped Derna language. Humans were unable to grasp this language since our vocal and hearing ranges were not equipped to grasp its nuances and so the Derna were able to quickly learn the basic language that was common of humans and enable easy communication between the species. Amazingly most of the planet had been eager to learn the new language and so humans, though few were able to converse with almost any Derna as a result. The Derna quickly returned with a bowl of Eech pods and a glass of water and a small Geniga fruit. A very common breakfast for most Derna, my usual meals were a combination of Derna and the human foods imported by the Alliance. The Eech pods were small and highly nutritious and filling but a little bitter for my taste. I had been taught to eat what was placed before me so I took in the dining area as I ate. It was a small room that was covered in a clear film that was created by the Hamma plant. The Hamma secreted an exceedingly sticky sap that was colorless and odorless that when spread out and dried in the sun created a clear rigid sheet similar to plas-glass used by the Alliance. The only clouded ceilings were that used in the sleeping quarters of the ill. Those were made by mixing in various colored dyes when the Hamma sap was being stirred prior to spreading for drying. The room was filled with sun to nourish the many plants inside of the building. The plants were all of a useful nature and carefully nurtured. The floors of the Derna buildings were always packed soil and usually covered my woven floor coverings to help maintain cleanliness indoors. The Geniga fruit was much better as I bit into its firm tube like structure. It was like eating nuts wrapped in apple. I was fond of its flavor but the texture was not something I particularly enjoyed. I began to feel better as I ate the food. It occurred to me that I had eaten very little the day before. Elder Zehok said, “The food is helping, yes? Well it should help you face things a little better.” I nodded and finished the last of the meal. Then taking the Elders offered paw and allowed him to lead me back in the direction of my room. The Derna attendant from this morning was approaching from the opposite direction in the hallway the connected to my room. Elder Zehok stopped and motioned for the attendant to halt as well before he looked down at me expectantly. I looked up into the blue-violet eye of the female and said, “I am very sorry for my behavior towards you this morning. It was wrong of me to repay your kindness like that.” I then bowed low and held it waiting for her to either accept or reject my apology.
The females look was at first surprised and then it softened as she said, “ I must make allowances for a youngling who has just lost her family and has been pushed so sadly out of balance” I rose and looked at her as she continued, “I must admit that I have little experience with younglings of your species. I could not refuse forgiveness to one so young and helpless.” Elder Zehok squeezed my hand as he said, “Ramera is young yes but far from helpless. Are these the injections that I brought with me? Good I will administer them and stay with the youngling. These vaccinations will make her a little ill, but they are necessary before she goes off planet. Please have meals for the two of us sent to her room while she is recuperating. Any visitors are not to be asked to wait and not enter and I will speak with them personally. Thank you for your service but I will be able to handle it from here.”
I was a little startled and so was the attendant as Elder Zehok took the tray from the attendant and led me into my room. After releasing my hand to close the door he set the tray of hypo-spray injectors on the bedside table. He motioned for me to sit down on the bed, which had been made in my absence. I felt like someone was releasing dozens of Mowan butterflies into my stomach. Elder Zehok drew up a small chair and said, “Well youngling, no one can know the true nature of these injections. These are the special gift that your parents have been working so hard to prepare for you. They were able to complete the Minah development for humans. They had not let the rest of their team know about their completion. They wanted to fine tune the technique more before they decided to share it with anyone else. They were taken before it could go any further. I was the only one aware of this left and know you. The reasons will be clear to you after we are done. Ramera this gift is all of the knowledge and select memories of both of your parents. You will have their memories and their knowledge of their professions. All of this is their gift to you. The best part of this is that you will never truly have lost your parents completely they will truly live on in you. Once you have transitioned I will teach you how to control and access the information. No one must know that you have received this gift. Now you need to focus on your breathing. We must help you regain some balance before I can give you these injections.” I nodded as I took in a deep breath to try to settle my nerves. “It may help ease your burden to know that your dear Yeula is not here today because she is communing with the Devali tree that was your home. She is being assisted by two other Elders; we are hoping that the tree will accept her completely so it will not pass on. We are hopeful that it will be successful. The tree always allows her entry and responds to her requests without a family member asserting the request. She was the Derna responsible for helping you and your brother learn to commune with the tree, and one of the Elders that is assisting her is the one that taught your parents to commune with the tree. She will spend the next few days communing with the tree. She was very upset to be separated from you so soon but she was able to understand the need to establish a new attunement with the Devali as soon as possible, if she were not necessary there she would have been here with you. Does this help ease your burden seedling?” I nodded. I really hoped for the best with the Devali and Yeula. I hated the thought of the Devali dying also. A sudden thought occurred to me and I asked, “So I will not be able to stay here on Mowan? I can’t stay with Yeula?” The Elder patted my hand as he said, “No. You are to go to a special school on Telfa 4. The council is closing the planets to humans indefinitely. I have offered you the privilege of coming here on school breaks if you so choose and I will guarantee your safety while here.” I realized that the vision last night had been real and that I was a short time away from leaving my home.
Elder Zehok guided me through the complex meditations that were a part of the ritual of the Minah. While the bulk of it was unnecessary for the injections from my parents, since it was focusing the knowledge to pass on. However you needed to be calm and centered in who you are before the inundation of information hit you. So until well into the afternoon he worked with me on centering myself. Finally he had me lay down upon the bed and he prepared my arm for the injections. Finally before administering the first he said, Now youngling I am about to begin. I want you to do two things for me. One I want you to focus on breathing deeply. Two I want you to focus on my face, nothing else just my face. Are you ready? “
“Yes Elder Zehok.” I replied in a small scared voice.
I flinched slightly as the first bitingly cold spray released into my upper arm. I began to feel a little light headed as he settled the next spray on my arm a little lower. By the time the fourth spray was being delivered the lightheadedness had turned into the room spinning at a ferocious rate around me. Elder Zehok’s voice seemed to echo down a long tunnel before it could reach my ears. As the effects of the final spray kicked in I was desperately clinging to his paw and cried out just before everything went black.
The next few days were a confusing blur of mixed images and impressions, there was such a welter of them that often it was hard to differentiate between the memories and the present moment. Finally when I awoke from an untroubled sleep I opened my eyes to see a droopy Elder Zehok seated by my bed and holding my small hand, which was engulfed in his large paw. He seemed so tired and drained. He did not immediately notice my waking since he was lost in thought as he was staring out the small window in my room. I waited for the chaos to begin again. It didn’t, I had a splitting headache and my whole body felt like it had been used as a doormat, but I was alive and felt somewhat normal, so I decided to risk moving. I slowly moved my head from side to side to see if it made the headache worse. Oops! Mistake it send a stab of pain through my temples and I gasped. Elder Zehok rose and leaned over the bed to catch my gaze.
“You are awake youngling, but are you with me or still lost?”
“I am here with you, but I feel like I have been beaten and I have a terrible headache” I said in a weak voice that cracked.
“Aghh, I see. Let me get you something for the headache and the body ache so we can get you up and moving so we can get some food into you. You have not eaten in a few days and you need to get some nourishment beyond the supplements I have given you. You will need your strength over the next few days.” Stated the tired Derna Elder.
He patted my hand before releasing it and leaving the room for a few moments. I didn’t move but focused my mind and eyes gently on various items in the room. I was a little scared to overdo it with my mind in case the chaos began again. Elder Zehok returned momentarily and he pressed an injection onto my arm and after the cold subsided I began to feel a little giddy but the aches and my headache began to quickly subside. Elder Zehok assisted me to sit up and lean back against the headboard of the bed. I was assailed by many images of the Elder in different places and settings. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and they slowly stopped and faded away. I opened my eyes as the Elder sat on the edge of the bed.
“Memory flashes?” He asked
I nodded and he said, “They will come less and less frequently as your mind organizes and settles the new memories into place. You will learn to control them better in time. Now I have asked for some food to be brought in to you. Also I have some bad news, the time we have has been cut shorter. The transport that was scheduled to take you to Telfa 4 has been delayed and another was re-routed that happened to have a child specialist on board and it will be here the day after tomorrow. So we will have very little time to teach you how to assimilate everything. You will have additional time on the transport to deal with this mentally and since it is so soon since your parent’s loss any abnormal behavior can easily be attributed to the trauma. I am sure that I need not tell you...........”
A quick tap on the door caused the Elder to stop speaking and rise to answer the door. He took the tray from another Derna and returned to place it on my knees. He then said, “Most Derna do not eat the flesh of animals but Yeula insisted that it was common among humans and she made some different meals for you and had us keep them until you were ready. I have yet to discover the appeal of eating flesh.” I shrugged a small shoulder and replied as he took the covers off of the dishes, “Well I myself have enjoyed it and it is a good source of protein and most humans are omnivorous. There are some humans who do not elect to eat animal protein of any kind but the families on both of my parent’s side have been colonials and eating meat is very much a part of their life. They often hunt and gather to survive, and so it is a part of my history.” Elder Zehok watched me slowly begin to eat the casserole with beef in it before he walked over to a small case with various unknown items in it and he proceeded to look through them as I ate. Once I had finished eating more than I normally did, my stomach was so full I was a little uncomfortable and then I felt capable of getting up and using the sanitary unit. I felt gross and so I decided to bathe before going back out.
When I emerged I felt human again and Elder Zehok was again sitting and staring out of the window. He smiled as I came out and opened the chest that contained my clothes and drew out a pair of leggings and one of the jumpers that had been my mother’s favorite. I paused a moment and took a deep breath as the flashes of me in the jumper at various times flashed through my head. It was my mother’s memories and they were actually comforting verses painful for me. With a small smile I returned to the sanitary unit to dress.
The rest of the day and the next was spent with Elder Zehok in training my mind and learning the techniques of controlling the flow of information and learning to access the various memories that I wanted when I wanted. It was all a little overwhelming at first, but the knowledge of my parents had matured my mind tremendously, but I was still fatigued easily from the ordeal and my body was still that of a small child. My mind often chaffed at the restrictions that the uncoordinated muscles placed upon me.
When the message arrived that the shuttle was here and the specialist in charge of my care was delivered to Elder Zehok and I, we were both more than a little nervous. The specialist was waiting for us at the small space port that was the only one of its kind allowed on Mowan. The planet had been closed to all humans and the scientific teams had been evacuated off of the planet the day before. Elder Zehok had taken the tragedy of my family’s demise to put a stop to the exploration and evaluation of the planet for the safety of human kind. He had assured the supreme chancellor that the planet would reopen at some point, but not until he could guarantee the safety of all humans on the planet. The council only had the concern of the humans on mind and was suffering great remorse over the loss of life. They did offer the concession of my permanent citizen status and freedom of access to the planet and they offered me complete access to the planet and their culture should my professional career lead me down the path that would be benefited by study there. This was the final morsel that satisfied the supreme chancellor. He may have to wait but he would eventually have success and was mollified. The Elders had mentioned this to him since discovering that the academy on Telfa four was primarily for young students studying the sciences.
I was anxious about my first space voyage, but my parents memories reassured me that all would be fine and while the experience of left off and entry could be a little scary, it was common practice and seldom did anything go wrong. I was packing my things into the carri-sacks that had been my parents when Elder Zehok entered the room carrying several small packages. I stopped my packing and since I was seated on the floor I looked up, and up and up until finally meeting his glittering green eye. Derna were transparent in the fact that their eyes glittered, literally when they were in high mirth or up to mischief. So to see an Elder with his large green eye glittering quickly brought a smile to my face. He knelt down by me and spilled the packages into my lap.
“Elder... what is all of this?”
His smile preceded his reply, “Well youngling these are for you. You will be having a birthing day when on your journey and so I have decided that you will need these as a gift on your birthing day. You may open them know so I can explain them to you.”
I slowly pulled the first of the three packages to me as I puzzled over his odd manner. The small box contained a static flower. It was a Ramera blossom, white at its core and gradually fading into a rich lush dark purple at the tips of the petals. It had many petals surrounding a pale pink center. The blossom only grew in a few places on the entire planet and was a treasured plant for those who were able to nurture it. It was exceedingly sensitive to emotional auras and would only blossom in the most healthy and positive environs. This blossom had been picked at its peak and was almost perfect; there were a few small variations on the flowers coloration on a couple petals, usually the result of some small negative event while forming the bud. It was held by a static treatment and would stay at this perfect preservation for hundreds of years. This method was developed by another alien species but had been adopted by the alliance for use in preserving specimens. My mother had first seen the flower after discovering a small patch of them in the wilds of Mowan after discovering that she had conceived again. The delicate palm sized bloom was so touching for her that she decided to name a daughter after the flower, after all children do better in positive environments and girls were often times sensitive to emotions. I had been the daughter she had wanted and my father had greatly enjoyed the concept and pun of naming me after the flower. I felt tears in my eyes as my mother’s memories replayed through my mind, culminating in her lifting me free from her at my birth.
Elder Zehok placed a large soft paw on my arm and said, “It was not meant to sadden you little one.”
Shaking my head and sniffing back the tears I replied, “Well I am fine, I fear I will be like this for a while, so many things will remind me of my family for quite a while, but it is okay isn’t it?”
Nodding sagely he answered, “Yes, we must always embrace the memories of our loved ones. Does the flower please you? You know about it and that you are named for it correct?” I nodded and he continued. “The small base is made from a small limb from your Devali tree. After communing with it Yeula was able to get it to agree to let a small limb fall away for you. It was Yeula who went into the wilds and found this blossom for you. Dr Othrop placed it in static preservation for you. He has been very helpful and I am sorry to see all of you leaving us.” I nodded as I returned to admire the flower more closely. So that was why Yeula had not been to see me since the Devali’s acceptance of her.
I smiled up at the Elder as I carefully placed the Ramera flower back in its case and pulled the next package to me, it was a little larger and heavier than the first, so I was surprised when I opened it to find that it was a small collection of books, actual books not plas-film replicas. I looked up into the Elder Zehok’s face and he said, “This is a complete copy of our flora index here on Mowan. It is written in our language and since your parents both knew how to read our language and now you do too. Others will be unable to decipher it since there were only a few people in the universe able to read our language and your parents were two of them. You are now of a few. Any messages sent to you from Mowan will be in this language and in your language as well. I am sure messages to you may be read by others so the duplication in your language will seem like a simple translation, I may slip in a few things. Your parents were familiar with this form of communication and I am sure you will have no problems with it also. I recommend that you primarily write your messages to me in your own language and add the occasional Derna word here and there to demonstrate the learning of the Derna language and it would be consistent with a child raised seeing both writings. You know all that they did and therefore know the need for secrecy. These books are my gift to you for your studies and I hope they may be of use to you and your future.”
I nodded and leaned over and put my arms around the Elder who had been a dear friend to my parents and now to me. He patted my back and I straightened up again and reached for the final box. It was much larger than the others, it turned out to contain a large case of tiny cases that were all labeled in the Derna language and contained various seeds in each one. I furrowed my brows and Elder Zehok said, “These are all seeds from here on Mowan and are for you to enjoy. You have a larger collection of all of our seeds among your things I am storing for you; you even have seeds for the Devali tree. These are seeds that are safe for you to plant on other worlds. These are from the council of Elders as a birthing day gift for you. They send the wish that these seeds may grow and brighten your world as you heal and grow on your path. I would imagine that they will expect to see holos of any you plant. And I am sure they will question you about their health on any visits you make here.” I nodded and chuckled lightly as the image of the Elders grilling me with questions about various flowers.
The Elder assisted me in finishing packing and I felt the first stirrings of anxiety begin in my chest. Yeula still had not come and I was not wanting to leave the planet without seeing my dear nanny one last time and telling her goodbye. Elder Zehok had an attendant come and carry my things to the waiting Krunda’s that would carry us to the space port. The Krunda was a large land mammal with iridescent overlapping scales that would raise and lower to control the animal’s body temperature. They were almost like a cross between the Elephants and the Oxen of Earth. They were much larger than the Derna but very docile and were exceedingly stupid but were able to learn simple commands and were quick and sturdy movers over varied terrain. They could cover a great distance at their smooth trot and were often used by Derna when going long distances in a hurry. Most Derna preferred to walk and take their time on any journey to enjoy their environs.
I was fidgeting when Elder Zehok said, “Yeula is unable to come here to you, we had to keep everyone away from you during your transition so they would not know what had been done and so all were told that the vaccinations you had received had made you ill and we could not risk the possibility of others contracting any illness. Yeula does not know of the gift you were given and must never know of the gift. You have changed your mannerisms in this transition and Yeula would know that you have changed too much. Some of these changes are for the better, you have grown lighter and are more able to laugh now that before, and you move a little differently than you did before. I will carry your love to Yeula and I will pass on any messages she has for you and when you return to us you will be able to see Yeula when you are here, she will then be able to assimilate your changes more easily as a result of your time away. Ramera our secret will serve you one day, but your parents and I did not want to see it exploited by the Alliance, you know this and you need to learn to hide it from those you love most, the knowledge could endanger their lives. Do you understand youngling?”
I nodded slowly and a few tears escaped my eyes as I did so. The Elder held out a paw for me and I took it and felt the warmth of his paw as he led me from the small room that had been a place of great transition for me both mentally and physically. I had entered it and the only thing about me and my life that had not changed was my appearance, I was still a small lavender eyed girl with blond unruly curls bouncing across my shoulders as I moved, but the universe inside my head had shifted.