Random Rhymes

I have pooped a thousand times

And every time it’s shit.

I have washed and shrunk my clothes

Until they do not fit.



I have worn my shoes so much

That now my shoes are worn.

I have kept the jeans I ripped

For fashion likes them torn.



I stood on the beach last week;

Responding with a wave.

Got my keeper an account

To help him learn to save.



Gave the bank a load of leafs

To decorate their branch.

I do not believe in luck,

But do believe in chance.



I have wiped a thousand times

And always used my hand.

Played a massive bass guitar

Within a miming band.



Sent a letter in the post;

Back to my own address.

Put screws in my letter box

To cause the postman stress.



Fixed a shredder to the door

To skip the middle man.

And built my house back to front

Dyslexics drew the plan.



chased a man who had no legs

Said, “you can’t run or hide.”

Watched the police abuse the law

Yet make sure we abide.



Watched the television shows

Where others live there life.

Saw a new tool; cutting edge;

It was an army knife.



Took a bap in to the bog

And called it toilet roll.

Took a nap on Dartford bridge;

It always takes its toll.



Got a haircut yesterday

It seems they cut the price.

Cheeky girls now have a shop,

But that made me think twice.



I support memory loss,

But don’t know why I do.

And believe it is much worse

When coping with man-flu.



A blind man I saw knitting;

Could never see the point.

I like winding kettles up

As they reach boiling-point.