"I Used To Know You."

I've seen her cry before, but only once,

and that was because of me. Why did I drift off the main coastline, and why did I shut her out so adbruptly? To this day, I still have no answer."

Her name was Amelia, and she met me in the first grade, we stuck together like paper and glue, not to sound cliche', but it's true. She had the brightest smile, and the biggest heart for a girl that age, something I wasn't used to, something that was new to me, something I was jealous of. Coming from a split family, I didn't know what it was like to feel completley loved. Sure I knew that when my mom told me she loved me everynight that she meant it, but there was a feeling of emptiness when I reminded myself that dad used to tell her he loved her everynight, but if that was true, why did he abandon us? Why did I have to explain to my friends why my dad couldn't come to doughnuts for dad, or why my dad had never taught me how to hunt, or simply how to ride a bike. Why was I the one who had to grow up living like I would never understand anything that to a boy, meant 'manhood', and why was I so over emotional?

Amelia. She was the one who helped me. Amelia, I can't help but feel like a dagger went through my heart whenever my mind repeats her name. Amelia, the girl who explained to me, that she understood how I felt. That she had the same problem, only it was her mom who had left her, and she had a fear of never learning anything about being girly, like how to do your makeup, and what to wear to your prom. How to grow a garden, or even how to pose in a picture. I remember me and Amelia would talk under the big oak tree in my backyard everyday. We rarely talked about problems though, we talked about better things like how people mysteriously got sick after eating the schools leftover stew surprize, and how leaves change color in the fall. We were in seventh grade by then, and I was developing a "crush" you could say on Amelia, and she knew it too.

There was one day, when Amelia didn't come to my house, and I didn't get to sit with her under my oak tree. There are no words to explain this blow in my heart, and though I understand now that it wasn't intended to hurt me, it nearly drove me insane. I stayed the night under that oak tree that night, and when I awoke in the morning I had turned from hurt to angry. When I arrived at school, Amelia was standing by my locker.

"Hi, hey I'm sorry about-" she started, but I didn't let her finish, I shoved her away and began to open my locker.

I don't even remember seeing her fall, but she did, right onto the hard tile floor. Her books flew in the air, and papers were everywhere. The hallway errupted with laughter, and one of her best friends happened to walk by to help her.
That was the turning point for me and Amelia. In fact, we didn't talk to each other for the rest of the year, but I hardly cared by then.

Seventh grade went by fast, and I was excited for eight grade, and when it finally came around, I was surprized to see that Amelia was in my first period class. I didn't really think too much about it, I still knew Amelia, but we weren't close anymore. We were almost enimies now, since are two groups at school clashed.

Then the teacher decided to do the traditional alphabetical order, assigned seats thing, and I was stuck next to Amelia. We casually said hi, and both sat down, the awkwardness was pretty thick. She was still beautiful, still had a big heart, and she still shared the same problems with me, but for some odd reason, I couldn't imagine being friends with her. Only suddenly I remembered all the hope she had given me in my lunchbox days. All the times she talked to me about silly things. Suddenly I realized, I missed her, alot.

At the end of the day, I came over to her house, and knocked on her door. Her mom answered.

"Hello, um, can I talk to Amelia please?"

"Oh, Amelia? I'm sorry I'm afraid she went over to your house to talk to you, ironic hmm?"

"Oh, yes, that is, well I'd better go, this is kindof important."

I ran all the way home that day, and I knew exactly where to find Amelia.

She was sitting under the big oak tree.

"Hey." I said.

Amelia replied, "Hello."

"I don't know how to say this, but I guess I should say, we can't be friends, as much as we both want to be, we've had so much growing apart, and we don't know each other anymore." I said.

"But-" Amelia started

"No, you have to understand that this is for the better." I had interupted her again.

"I used to know you." Amelia said, and walked away, tears streaming down her face, eventually she began to run. Suddenly I realized I was turning into my father.

That was the last time I ever saw Amelia. The last time she talked to me. I learned the next morning, that Amelia had killed herself. When my mom began to tell me how, I stopped her, because I couldn't bare it. I felt like dying myself, but I didn't, I guess I was too much of a jerk to.

Amelia did leave a note. It reminded me of a conversation we used to have, we talked about it alot under that big oak tree.
It read:
"The leaves change colors, and in a sense, they die. I think that God put leaves on the earth to remind us that everyone we meet won't be with us forever. We are the tree, and family, friends, and people are the leaves. We help them develop qualites and they change qualites. After we've helped them, some of the leaves decide they are ready to go off on their own, and some won't need us any longer. Slowly one by one, the leaves will leave, and all that will be left is a tree, but don't fear, because tree's grow new leaves, until they decide that they too have had enough, and they leave also, back to reunite with their family and friends."

I'm grown now, and still remember Amelia, That old oak tree in my backyard is gone, it got struck by lightning a few years back. Alot of people blamed me for Amelia's death, and I do too, but that can't change the fact that shes gone. Everyday, I live my life remembering Amelia and I have alot more respect for people now. I hope that one day, I'll be able to reunite with Amelia, just so I can tell her I'm sorry, and that I want to be friends.

I'll listen to her answer too.