e-love (Chapter 23)

23

The Atlantic Ocean, thinking about Butchie and Christina's thoughts about love and real decision making

She felt a longing...a missing... a strong feeling of wanting something which a person is unlikely ever to have but not with dire wistfulness...She wanted him... She wanted, as a woman that she was, to touch him, caress him, scratch his back, kiss his neck, touch his hair and head with her open hands and let her fingers go softly through his hair. She wanted to smell his body and feel his hands on hers. She didn't know if she would ever make till tomorrow evening. He left her on a Friday morning. Why couldn't he have gone on a Monday morning? Now, she would not only be alone but she would have an entire weekend ahead of her without him. Nothing seemed the same now. Nothing would ever be the same, not anymore.

Where was he? What was he doing? Did he ever get some sleep during the long flight? Did he eat something when he got to Miami? She knew that at that time, when he arrived, everything would be closed. Had he had a good flight? Did he sit next to a woman? Did this woman, if so, hit on him? She wished that the woman was fat and ugly and had a terrible bad breath! How was he feeling now?He was so dear to her; he meant the world to her.

Was he asleep now? What time was it there now? Was he safe and sound? What did he think of São Paulo, so big, so different, so metropolitan, so full of buildings and streets and highways, the graffiti, the poverty, the slums and the contrasts, the big, expensive cars, the richness, the mansions, the plush restaurants, the big billboards, the so many people, the big buses, the pollution and the traffic?

Her apartment was empty. It looked sad, colorless. Even with her lovely, different, beautiful orchids...her apartment was just like the lovely orchids: odorless...She did have her own way of decorating and taking care of her place, with the things she had from her childhood, from her trips, from her life, her past and present, from Colmar, from her mother, from Henry... Her father...she still hadn't told him about Henry. She couldn't yet... She thought about him and how her life had changed after she saw him in NYC, on the second time she met him...

Henry

After her wedding Enio had promised her that he would figure out a way for making both of them meet: Christina and her biological father, Henry. He promised her that and he did so. On their one year wedding anniversary, he took her to NYC for a week. She had always loved the Big Apple and enjoyed its corners, the streets, the rush hour, the noises, the smells, the people that seemed to be always in such a hurry, the stores, Macy's, the restaurants and cafes, the elegance, the rudeness, 5th Avenue, Rockefeller Center, St. Patrick's Cathedral, Broadway, eating T-bone steaks with baked potatoes and going to "Little Brazil Street," located on West 46th Street between 5th Avenue and Broadway. After one week there he told her that they had to go to JFK Airport in order to reschedule their tickets back to  São Paulo. While he left her alone, sitting in front of a flight terminal, she noticed that it was a terminal from a South Bend flight. She thought of the coincidence because her father Henry lived in Notre Dame, South Bend, Indiana. She also thought that some years ago, she had been in this very same place and had waited and waited and waited for him but he had never come. Suddenly, she looked and saw a man coming toward her. Oh how funny, she thought, he looks like me...I SEE MYSELF IN HIM...!!! Why is that? How come? Then she knew... She felt it. It was that familiar pain that had constantly ached and had suddenly...stopped. It was her... father, Henry, smiling and hurriedly walking toward her with open arms, a big smile, very nervous and... crying! He had come! He was there! Her father, her missed father.

Her real, biological "same blood flowing in the veins" father. Her other half, her own flesh, own genes, her background, her history, her past, her family, her own self... Ohhh my Gosh...When she looked into his same green eyes as hers... she immediately felt something maybe like a warm, great, familiar gut feeling and... what was the most amazing was that...



SHE

        DID                                 

                LOOK

                            LIKE

                                      SOMEONE

                                                          AFTER

                                                                      ALL...



She was finally in peace with herself and with her past. All was settled now. She had found herself, she had found her missing other part of herself inside her father's strong embrace. She closed her eyes and relaxed. She heard his heart beating fast and knew that she would not let him go; he would be part of her life and her future.



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