How Do I?

A poem in progress written for my late grandfather

His words bring me closer
That point where it’s hard to remember
What wisdom sounded like
When happiness tasted like hope
I only remember how to cry

This empty room
This empty space
This empty heart are constant reminders
And I’m trying to pick up where I left off
I only vaguely remember why

Did you know I’d be okay?
Did you know we’d all be alright?
I wish I knew how to ask you
I regret not finding out how to listen
I only remember how to say goodbye

They asked me for one gift for you
Maybe you would be reading it right now
All my grief, appreciation, admiration
LOVE
Laid out in print, the only thing I know how to do
I only remember my flight

How could I?
Summon up courage I did not possess
Honor I didn’t deserve to feel
Letting go meant losing
I could not write my final goodbye to you
I can only remember
Only live with
My lie