Forgiveness

Violent lash. Hurtful word. Anger
misdirected. Discontent becomes
intoxicated assaults. “Don’t you know
this is what you deserve?” Defining
me, a whore, he says, and I begin to
believe the lies, reinforced by
violent lash. Hurtful word. Anger.
But it was misdirected.

“Don’t you know
this is what you deserve”
Something inside, beaten inside
tells me this, and more, much more.
“Forgive, forgive and forget, forgive
and return.”

Forgiveness. Is forgiveness
forgotten pain and rationalized
assaults on body and spirit? Is it
returning to a destructive lie? Is it
the hope for a change that never comes?

Or is the first step to forgiveness
realizing the extent of the offense?
What if authentic and healthy
forgiveness needs perfect memory?

If I see what he did to my
life, my body, my spirit—
Violent lash. Hurtful word.
Misdirected anger--then, in
my heart, choose to forgive,
to forgive but not to forget
to forgive but not to return,
is this not a truer forgiveness?

“Forgive, forgive and forget, forgive
And return.”

I did not,
I do not deserve the pain
of abuse, and I will not,
I cannot forget what he did.
But forgive—forgive I will,
out of a supernatural store
I have been given, and out of
a supernatural ability I will give
a clean slate, free of bitterness
of anger, of hate.

With this anger, I surrender my fear,
and my pain.