Pro-procrastination

“Crap, I’m late to work. Again.” Hastily reaching down to pick up the newspaper and mail that had been thrown across his doorstep, as he rushed out his front door, Harry acknowledged the obvious—he was a procrastinator. He blamed it was in his genes. His mother had been a procrastinator, her mother had been a procrastinator, and so on. It probably would have been passed to a daughter again, but Harry didn’t have any sisters; the genes went to the only person it could go to: Harry Patrick Shuebacher.

Or as his girlfriend Madison called him, Harry Procrastinator Shuebacher. Unlike his previous girlfriend, however, Madison didn’t seem to mind his procrastinative nature. In fact, that was how they met—Harry had been hurriedly writing an essay on his way to class and he bumped into the new girl at school, who turned out to be Madison’s older sister, Molly. Unlike Madison, Molly didn’t think it very funny that a boy three years her junior bumped into her on the first day of her last year of high school.

“Watch it, you dweeb!” She called to Harry after his hasty apology, barely lifting his head from his furiously scribbling pencil.

Madison had run up to him after class and apologized for her sister’s behavior. And that was the beginning of their friendship. They hadn’t officially started dating until their senior year of high school, and even that had been initiated by Madison.

Now eight years later, everyone asked them the same question: when are you guys getting married? Madison would just smile and Harry would lazily shrug his shoulders.

Madison’s friends tried to convince her to talk to Harry about making an ultimatum—something along the lines of threatening to break up with him if he didn’t propose by a certain date. But Madison always shook her head, “If he wants to propose, he’ll do it. Otherwise I’m happy with our relationship right now. Can’t you guys be happy for us too?” She would plead with them, but to no avail.

Months passed, and Harry’s thirtieth birthday was coming up just around the corner. Madison began to wonder if her friends had been right—Harry would never propose without an ultimatum. But that sounded too mean to her—she didn’t want to break up with him, she just wanted to see where he stood on the topic.

Too embarrassed to bring it up in person, she left him a letter under his door one day before work.

Harry,
I was too nervous to bring this up to face-to-face, but I was wondering if you were ever going to propose to me. If you aren’t, I’m fine with that right now. I’m not sure about later, but right now I’m fine with that. But if you are ready and are just too lazy, here’s the ring I want and my ring size. I’ll see you later tonight and I guess we can talk about this. Anyways, just wanted to let you know my feelings on the matter. But no pressure. Love ya,
-Madison

Harry opened the letter and read it bemusedly. I guess it really does pay off to be a procrastinator, he thought. Now all that’s left is buying the ring and putting it on her finger.