Reconciliation

I lay a while on the soft grass, letting the warm breeze gently brush my hair.  Was this still part of the dream? It felt wonderful, and I didn't want it to end, so I kept my eyes closed . There must be trees, I thought, I can hear the leaves rustling with the breeze. I felt rested, and revived. The familiar aches in my limbs were gone. I didn't dare move for fear of reality returning to pollute the experience. The earth felt moist and warm to my fingers as I probed the soil ever so timidly with my fingers while the fertile smell of summer and grass filled my nose. The warm sunlight produced a rosy glow through my closed eyelids. I just lay there for a long time enjoying the perfection of the experience.

None of this made any sense.  The dreams, the people I'd seen. I had to be dead, yet I never imagined it to be this disjointed, and abstract. After a time, it might have been 20 minutes or 20 days for all I knew, for I had lost  all sense of it, I dared to open my eyes. He was sitting about  10 feet from me watching me doze. There was a vague familiarity about him, yet I could not place him, nor did I have the slightest idea from where I knew him.  I sat up to look at him more clearly. It was then I noticed that my arms were young again, and strong. In fact I was shocked to discover I was in fact a man of perhaps 20 years.  He seemed amused by my bewilderment, and it annoyed me slightly. I've always disliked being at such a disadvantage, and I eyed him again suspiciously.

“Hello, “ he said gently. “I hope I didn't disturb you.”

“Who are you? What is this place?” I asked.

He smiled warmly at me.

“We call this reconciliation day.”  He said, “A chance to put in order all of the work you've done for us. And we can explain the importance of it to you.”

“So, I'm dead then? Is this heaven? Are you God?” I asked.

My question rang in my ears as though a child had asked it. I guess I felt childlike asking it too.

“Well, that's a long story, but we've got all the time you need. Some of us would say you were never really alive. The idea of live and death doesn't really have meaning here. You can think of this place as heaven. I think that will make sense to you for now. It's the stopping point, the destination. All of you come here eventually.”

“I know some pastors who would vehemently disagree with  you!” I said, sarcastically.

“I suppose, yet, here we are.” He spoke slowly and kindly.

“So where is everyone? I thought there were supposed to be streets of gold, and a temple, and...”

“The first thing that I should tell you is that this place has no lies. There are no secrets here. Everything is known, or will be.” He interrupted.

“I don't follow you” I said.

“You never believed any of that. There is no point in going on with any more charades now. You've made this place, not we.” He replied with a tender smile.

“So then you are God.” I asked.

“I am a part of the wisdom of God. I think that's the best way for you to begin to understand it all,” he said.

“How long have I been dead then?” I asked.

He smiled, and gave a gentle chuckle.

“No matter how many I've reconciled, I am always amazed at how similarly you all turn out” he said.

“What do you mean?” I was annoyed again and I wanted some answers.

“The best answer I can give you is that it's a beautiful day.”

“Wait a minute! I thought you said this is a place of truth! That all my questions would be answered! What kind of crap answer is that!”, I was past annoyed now, and beginning to feel angry.

“It is a place of truth, but your not capable of absorbing it all yet. As for time, it's just an abstraction. Your consciousness was designed to process information in sequences, and what you call time is just your way of understanding the relationship between events. It's your invention, not ours. You see it's rather like explaining what colors are like to a man who was born sightless.”

What a cheap fucking philosopher, I thought.

“Look, it's pointless to call me names. That only prolongs your ignorance” he said sounding a bit stern.
“Oh, so you are a mind reader too. I guess I should have known!” I complained.

“I know what!” he said, suddenly brightening, “Let's play a couple of rounds of golf.”

“What!?”

“Golf, you know clubs and a little white ball?”

“I know plenty of people who would really like to play golf in heaven, but I can't see how that is going to explain anything to me!”

“I think you will find your swing has improved. Besides, it's the best course that ever existed.”

“Oh this is pointless. Fine. I'll play fucking golf if it will make you happy.”

He smiled and took my hand, pulling me to my feet.

“So we just walking there, or we gonna fly” I asked.

“I had rather planned on driving the cart, but if you'd rather fly, we can. After all, it's your heaven, you can do as you wish.”

With that, he leapt  into the air and began to sail off up and away from me.

“Hey, wait a minute! What am I supposed to do?!” I shouted at him.

He hovered a short distance off, turning to look back, somewhat annoyed, at me still standing in the grass.

“You were the one who suggested flying. Are you coming or not?” He asked.

“Haven't you forgotten. I'm just the lowly angel or serf, or whatever the hell... Oh... you know what I mean! I can't fly!” I babbled clumsily.

“Well, you haven't exactly killed yourself trying now either!” He scolded.

“Well... what do I do??”

“Anything you wish. How do you fly in your dreams?  You know... ever dream of flying? Well just do that!”

“I dunno. I never really thought about it. In dreams I just flew”, I whined.

“Well then, just fly!”

I frowned and closed my eyes, mustering all of my concentration, and with great surprise, I lifted off of the ground, soaring up and over to him. It really required nearly no effort to accomplish; I just willed to go some direction, and I simply went there, much the same way you walk across a room, or up a flight of stairs.

“Fine, “ he said, “Let's go to the course.”

“I suppose it's never a bother for you to get a tee time,” I probed, still trying to get him to admit he was god.

“Do you want to have trouble getting a tee time?” he asked through a sardonic grin.

I merely shook my head.

“How far is it to the course?” I asked, changing the subject.

He stopped suddenly, and I nearly ran into him as he turned to look at me.

“O.K. I thought I made this pretty clear. You are in charge here. You decide how to fly, or what the weather is like, or yes even how far the damn course is!”

I watched him, silently bewildered, for a bit, then I flew on leading the way to the course. I wasn't quite done enjoying the thrill of soaring through the open skies. After a while, the flying grew monotonous, and I decided to land at the course. 
We touched down at the first tee, where our bags were waiting for us. The first hole was 412 yards, and I selected my driver.
“Would you care to tee off first?” I asked.

“Certainly,” he replied.

“I see your getting the hang of this,” he commented as he pulled out his driver and addressed the ball.

His drive was beautifully straight, and his ball lay only 20 or so yards short of the green.  Golf had never come very naturally to me, and I was worried that my own lay would be far worse than his. However to my astonishment, my own drive was perfect, and my ball bounced onto the green perhaps 20 feet from the pin.

“I can't believe it! “ I exclaimed.

“That's the best drive of my life!” I said, feeling a twinge of irony after I said it.

He smiled at me and said, “I knew you had it in you.”

I hit for an Eagle on the first hole, birdied the second, and third. I finished up the day 6 under, a full 8 strokes ahead of my opponent.

“That was crazy! I usually suck at golf”, I exclaimed.

“Oh I bet you could do better if you put your mind to it”, he said sardonically.

“Not jealous are you...”, I tried to taunt him back, but it was no good.

“Hardly. But I'd like to know how you feel about it...”, he asked.

I eyed him suspiciously, before speaking.

“What exactly do you mean by... How I feel?”, I pressed him.

“Okay, I'll be more specific... Could you have done  better?”, he asked.

It was then that I began to realize what he was saying and I didn't want to talk any more.

“I think I'd like to be alone for a while”, I said and I flew off.

“I'll be around... whenever you feel like talking... You'll know how to find me...”, he said as I flew away.

I flew as far and as fast and as high as I could, and sat down on top of a bank of clouds, drifting along staring at the countryside below. It was beautiful. I floated over verdant mountains, and crystal blue lakes, marveling at gigantic waterfalls that crashed down into lush rain forests. It seemed like I was living in a documentary film.

I hopped off the cloud, and rocketed down to the waterfall, plunging into the deluge until I splashed into a great blue pool. The water was chilly and refreshing. I swam around in the pool for a while until I became bored, and climbed the bank. There was a large white rock, and I lay there sunning myself to become dry. After a while it occurred to me that I could just will myself dry, and instantly, it was as though I had never jumped into the pool at all.

The sun shown high in the sky, like it had the entire time I had been here. In a blink of an eye, I willed the sun to be setting, and suddenly was bathed in cool rosy evening light, watching a huge red ball resting gently on the horizon. I remembered Gina, and how she loved a beautiful sunset. Could I bring her here, I wondered? Would that even be ethical? I decided to try. I could always send her back. However she did not appear.

Strange, everything else is so easy here. Maybe that just takes more practice. I closed my eyes and concentrated on her long dark hair. In my mind I could see every line on her face, her piercing blue eyes, and crooked smile, the one she reserved for special desires.

I tried to imagine her voice, concentrating to get just the right timbre; her 'R's always came out like she was talking over a mouthful of yogurt. I tried to imagine her touch; her gently reaching out to put her hand on my shoulder.
When I opened my eyes, she stood in front of me, just as I had imagined.

“Gina! It's you”, I cried, and took her in my arms.

“Yes, Dale, it's me, Gina”, she said wrapping her arms around my neck.

“Oh Gina! It's great to see you. I've got so much to tell you... you just won't believe it... But first you.. How are you? How did you get here”, I babbled on.

“I'm here, Dale. You brought me here, silly. Don't you remember. You thought about me and now I'm here”, she said.

Something was not right. It may have been the way she said it, but it sounded false somehow.

“Gina, where were you before you came here”, I asked?

“I don't know... You didn't tell me that. You just thought me and now I'm here darling,” she replied rather mechanically.

I was beginning to become angry. Just as I was about to light into her to find out what she was playing at I heard a cough behind me. It was him again.

“Ehem... I... ah... I thought I might be able to answer a few questions... before you start... well... before... you know...”, he said apologetically.

I looked back at Gina, who stood there grinning like a git, oblivious to his arrival. I turned and faced him again.
“So... she's not real, right”, I asked.

“Oh no... no... She's real alright... she's just not... well... not Gina. She's what you remember of Gina.”

“Okay... so she's a dummy... a... uh... a robot... or something like that. Is that what you're saying”, I asked?

“Well she's definitely not a machine! I mean... look at that rack. You've got a helluva imagination”, he said.

I stared back coldly, with narrowed eyes.

“You're not thinkin' of comin' on to my girlfriend...”, I asked accusingly.

“Look... that's what I've been trying to tell you. She's not your girlfriend. She's flesh and bone. She looks and sounds just like the girl you used to date. But she's not her. She'll do anything you want. Hell you could plow  her ass on that rock over there and have her begging for more. God... there was this one guy who... well... I'm not supposed to get into that. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that she's real... but she's not authentic.”

“Okay... that's all very well and good. But how exactly do I get the real Gina here”, I asked?

“So that's the catch... you don't. You don't get the real anybody here. This is your universe and yours... alone”, he replied, a little timidly.

“What?! What the hell kind of heaven is this anyway”, I screamed?

He started to chuckle, and I got more annoyed.

“Hell kind of heaven... you guys crack me up”, he laughed.

Now I was really pissed!

“I want some real fucking answers and I want them NOW”, I shouted, as Gina began playing with some wild flowers that were growing on the edge of the pool.

“You have been brought here, out of time, after your utility to us has passed”, he said.

“What”, I yelled!

“Yeah, so it's like this... We discovered that we could create artificial intellects that could be used to solve problems for us. A lot like a computer. It turns out that a sentient intelligence is required to solve some of the really tough problems we were faced with. Yet it's not very ethical, or practical as it happens, to create a race of slaves to do everything we tell them to. Believe me we tried it and it was a huge disaster. A lot of really smart... uh... people... got uh... punished for it.”

“Do you know how ridiculous that  sounds”, I asked, finally collecting myself a little.

“What do you expect? You've spent your entire existence in a fantasy land. You have no idea what the real world is like! There are no words in your language, let alone any idea of which you could conceive, that would describe it to you. I mean literally. It's not possible. It's been programmed out of you.”

“You make it sound like I'm stupid or something”, I said, somewhat offended.

“Oh no... it's nothing to be ashamed of. There's a lot of things you are really good at. Things we can't even begin to understand, but you're good at them all the same. For instance you have no idea how fast you really work! It's amazing. Right now... here... you've been slowed down to a tiny fraction of your normal operation. That's just so that I can talk to you”.

“Well I don't remember solving any important problems. What about that? Did you just erase my memory of it”?

“No, that would be unethical wouldn't it! No we came up with an ingenious solution! It's really cool. We programmed you to sleep”!

“Huh”?

“Yeah. You sleep, and we can harvest your intellect for all kinds of problems, and when you wake up you don't remember it! Well mostly don't. I understand that you sometimes remember bits and pieces, but we've abstracted the problems so that all you ever remember is some jumbled crazy nonsense”.

“So that's it then... I'm just some program that's outlived it's usefulness. And now you're gonna delete me like so much old useless data.”

“Awe c'mon... you're not that old... At least by my standards. And anyway I can't force you to end your existence. That would be unethical”.

“So I'm stuck here. All alone for as long as I want, just burning your CPU time, is that it”?

“Yep. That's pretty much it”.

“Okay then... so FUCK YOU! You crazy ass-hole! I'll burn all the goddamn CPU time I can. See how you like that”!

I clapped my hands, though I still have no idea why... I guess I needed to feel like something physical was required, and a meteor rocketed from the sky and crushed his silly ass into the dirt.

It felt wonderful! I was omnipotent!

I marched over to Gina, who was sitting docilely in the flowers near the pool. I pulled off her clothes and had violent sex with her. It was fantastic! She had orgasm after orgasm. We did all the things she never used to want to do. And when I got bored, I created an entire harem, and rutted them all for... well I don't know how long, but it seemed like days... maybe weeks.

I finally became bored with sex. I decided I needed to reshape my world. I created vast cities, and palaces. There was endless wealth, opulence, and indulgence. But there are only so many glittery things that one can look at. Material wealth loses it's value when it comes without cost.

Cost. Maybe that was the answer. I created vast armies of automatons and orchestrated terrible battles for my amusement. They were epic! Blood literally ran knee deep in the streets of my empire. But I always won. I tried losing, but that wasn't enjoyable either, because, in the end, I just got bored and vanquished my enemies.

This went on for what seemed like a thousand years. Then one day I was sitting in my throne room, pitching a pair of dice against the wall. Trying, with all my might, to not know the outcome. I was failing miserably. Then he appeared again.
“Hey! I like what you've done with the place”, he quipped.

I gave him a loathing look.

“I wondered when you'd be back. It's the only thing I have to wonder about”, I said morosely.

“Wow! I mean... you give you guys a couple of microseconds, and you really go to town. I'm always impressed”, he said cheerfully.

“This really sucks. There is no excitement. I've tried to create intelligent beings, but it's no use. Nothing is left to chance. I'm tired. I'm ready to not exist”, I said.

“You always come around. Are you sure that's what you want”, he asked?

“Yeah, I'm sure. I'm ready to fall out of existence and...”

He stood alone in the vast hall, and looked briefly at the remnants of my eternity for a moment before it deleting it all into black nothingness.

“Funny how they always end up here”, he said to himself.

He glanced at his watch, then rubbed his eyes.

“I'll get the next one tomorrow”, he said, and disappeared.



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