I feel

I feel a weight on me tonight,
a weight that burns with fright.

An eternal apology replaying in my head,
a constant feeling that, maybe I'm dead.

A knowledge that I think too slow,
a knowledge that much worse will soon follow.

I'm sorry not to have followed life's lead.
I'm sorry that I made so many hearts bleed.

I only hope the world can carry on,
forgive this empty, souless song.

I wanted so much for the future,
hope, and faith, and softest sutures.

I'd hoped I'd get it right, I hoped I'd begin,
to see the light, beyond my fears.

Yet I'm too late, I spent too long,
writing an old song, thinking when
perhaps I should have been gone.

I'd only hoped to help my friends,
my family that never ends.

I filed on one sole simple count,
my own beauty I knew to doubt.

When I saw it right in front of me,
I broke their hearts accidentally.

I never knew what I was doing,
just seemed automatic hurt I was spewing.

But all I had to do was one thing,
mend a girl with a broken wing.

I lost my fight with self, lost my faith,
fell into ill health of the mind.

Sickened by my own appearance
I turned to find, the world looked just like me,
a bunch of happy folks just trying to see,
what was going on in my mind.

I know know I should never have tempted,
burnt myself against the disaffected.

Youth thinks faster than light can travel,
my own cold heart turns to gravel.

I only hope I can find a better way through,
pass the load from me right through.

I don't hate, don't hope for a right way,
just see if tomorrow brings another day.

And when it does, I smile, because,
I know we've got a little more time.

To try to make it right for her,
and right for her, somehow.

I just hope the world can see,
why my disbelief is not a disability.

Although may have I hurt the ones I love,
I only hope forgiveness rains from above.