Questionable Matters

Questionable Matters


"Whatcha doin', Unca Jeff?"

"Huh?  Oh, hi, Teddy.  I thought you were watching Aunt Janet do stuff in the kitchen?"

"I was.  We talked a long time--Aunt Janet really knows a lot of stuff, Unca Jeff--but she said she had a real comp-i-tated meal to plan, so she sent me out here.  What's 'comp-i-tated', Unca Jeff?"

"I think she said 'complicated', buddy.  It means that she's planning to fix a meal that has lots of different parts to it, like meat and potatoes, vegetables, salad and dessert...stuff like that."

"Oh.  So, whatcha doin' out here on the porch?"

"Well, I'm trying to fix this lamp's cord by replacing the plug part--see, this part here--and I thought I'd work out here, 'cuz it's a real nice day."

"You know how to do that stuff?  Awesome!  When somethin' breaks at our house, Daddy just gets new stuff at yard sales."

"No shortage of cast-offs around that neighborhood."

"What didja say, Unca Jeff?  I couldn't hear, 'cuz you were whisperin'."

"Oh, uhh... never mind."

"Can I ask you a question, Unca Jeff?"

"Besides that one?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind.  What's your question?"

"How come my hair is red, but my eyes are green?"

"Why are... well, it's because of genetics, Teddy."

"What kinda ticks are those, Unca Jeff?  Are they the kind that get on Booster, when he gets loose in the field?  I don't want any ticks on me, Unca Jeff!"

"No, not ticks: genetics.  It's kind of complicated and you're only six, but I'll try to - hang on a second, Teddy, I've got a call on my cellphone."

Hello?...Yes, this is Mr. Timmons...Yeah, I emailed a contact request, but this isn't really...Uh huh...Uh-uh..."

"Unca Jeff?"

"Hold on a minute, fella."

"Please don't shake my arm like that, Teddy.  You made me drop one of the screws and it bounced into the grass.  What do you want?"

"You never told me, why I don't have ticks like Booster."

"I'll explain it after I get off the phone, okay?"

"Okay, Unca Jeff, and I'll remind you, so you don't forget."

"One of us won't forget, that's for sure."

"You were whisperin' again, Unca Jeff.  What didja say?"

"It's not important, champ.  Say, Teddy!  Your Aunt Janet told me once she was gonna bake some cookies, and I don't remember eating any.  Why don't you go see, if she's gonna bake 'em today?"

"Cookies?!  Yay!!!  Hey, Aunt Janet!"

"And don't let the screen door...slam.  Janet's gonna make me pay for that...What?...I wasn't talking to you and, NO, I'm not paying for this...Wait a sec, I've got another call."

"Hello?...Hey, honey...Yeah, I told him to ask you about cookies..."


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