Logic Lessons

I am finally done with Logic. The final was yesterday, and it was horrible. I am now fully trained and ready to go out and prove to the world that “No dogs are cats.” Yes, that is an actual example from my Logic textbook. I think I’m losing it, because I swear I hear a bunch of dead philosophers going “HAHAHA, SUCKA!”
         I got stuck on a multiple-choice question on the final: “Which of these is a categorical syllogism in standard form?” I narrowed it down to:
         
b) No fish are mammals.
             Some whales are not fish.
             Therefore, some whales are not mammals.

         and

         d) No weasels are cold-blooded.
             All fish are cold-blooded.
             No weasels are fish.

Seriously!? All whales are mammals. They are not fish, and neither are weasels. And if you tell them they are fish, they will eat your face...or your boat. Whatever is handy.

But I finally figured out that (b) is actually the right answer, because “mammals” is the P term, and the premise with the P term always comes first if the @#&!!>% thing is in standard form. “Fish” is the P term in (d), but the fish are in the second premise, where the S term should be. (Yes, I know it hurts. Bear with me.)

Never mind that the answer makes NO SENSE whatsoever. The answer is still (b), because if your teacher asks you to prove why no trees are road signs, then you should drop the class immediately. If you didn’t, sucks for you. Put that one in standard form, I dare you!

Try this one on for size: All dogs are animals. All Christmas trees are dogs. Therefore all Christmas trees are animals. If you say this is a perfectly valid argument, valid by virtue of its form—well, you are wrong, you hear me, wrong!

Bwhahaha, you thought there were only two choices, “valid” or “invalid.” The correct answer is “BEANS,” little dried-out brown ones rattling around inside Aristotle’s skull.

The truth, which nearly drove me to the clean, happy place where slobbering students scribble Venn diagrams on the padded walls, is that an argument can be totally valid and still not make sense.

According to logic, if you assume that your premises are true, and reason validly—with your S’s and P’s in the right order—ANY conclusion you arrive at is “the truth.” But logic only works if you started with the truth in the first place. Politicians love it. Real humans hate it. You can make up a bunch of crap, reason validly to a perfectly logical conclusion, and you will still be dead wrong.

Oh, yeah, that sound is a bunch of dead philosophers laughing at you. You hear it NOW??