RELATIONSHIP RANT

Fuck ignoring the ones who adore you and adoring the ones who ignore you. If you stop liking someone when they started liking you, you probably never really liked them in the first place. There's a difference between liking how someone makes you feel and liking them. One is selfish, one is passionate. And as for liking the ones who ignore you, self validation should come from your self, not from a desperate desire to prove your worth by attempting to alter another persons' feelings for you because your ego is hurt just because said individual doesn't feel mutual. Liking someone for how they make you feel or what they offer you will never work, because your not thinking about them, your making about you. And love/crush/affection isn't like that; atleast when it's legit, it's not about you. When you like or love someone, its not about you or how you good they make you feel.. or even bad. It's about them. You cant help but like them. And if they treat you wrong or you fuck it up or whatever and it doesn't work, you still feel the same. But it doesn't mean it's okay to hurt each other and continuously force something that is doing more damage than anything to both. Caring, loving and/or companionship doesn't make a relationship. It doesn't require nor accompany a relationship on default just because you do. On occasion it can work, if your just honest and open and let what happens happen without having to classify and label and categorize in a neat box so everything's easy, and so you don't have to worry about the unpredictable. But everything's uncertain to a degree, and caring and love are a perfect example. Because it's not about what they put you through or how they make you feel overall or on a case to case basis, if its not working it's never just one persons fault, and quite often its neither and both at the same time. Doesn't mean that they both didn't, or both did, do horrible things. It just means love or like or anything else is just that, it doesn't mean it will all work and be easy. It doesn't make a person perfect, and usually they won't change, but sometimes if it's real good and it's real worth it, and your realllll lucky, you'd want to change for them, not change who you are but become who you could, who your capable, of being. Loving someone, or being with someone, or caring about someone, or whatever the hell else doesn't mean you become perfect, or always get along, or can even be together without tearing each other apart because your scared or preoccupied with someone else or god knows what. In which case yea like em, yea love em, but stop tearing yourself apart. Anyone can ignore an admirer, or anyone could admire someone who ignores them , but how about grow up, realize what you want, and WHY you really want it, there might be a better way to get it. Self validation, is like self-esteem, it comes from yourself. Can't be with anyone if you can't be with yourself but at least be honest with your self about what you actually want. Because if you are, and you get what you want, and you actually knew beforehand accurately what and why you wanted someone, you'll be amazed to find you don't lose interest because it was sincere and the basis was pure. It doesn't have to involve manipulation or be self centered and utterly pointless, except becoming a nusiance in relation to the time wasted and the sufferings both endured. It's not finding someone that's even the whole battle, being able to be honest and open and not hurt each other as defenses to protect yourself is an arduous task to be upheald at best, but without such adherence, love cannot makes miracles, it IS a miracle. But it requires the effort and the tact, otherwise even the most fiery and pure passions, while not possible to be satiated or destroyed, prove insuffiecent and making individual's get it right; it does not fix anyone, make them perfect, always accompany a relationship. A relationship is not an answer, it's more than a solution. It's its own complex equation of give and take that adds infinitely more stress, and rather than being the answer to happiness, actually requires more work. But, if you really do love them, it's worth it. And with the added stress you have an individual who's goal isn't to complete you, but to enable to you to complete yourself. You have an individual who can share in the heaven and hell and the everyday mundane. And even if you have something or start something, don't try to make it more or deny it less. Let it be what it is, let it evolve or dissolve naturally and atleast if your honest with yourself you don't have to ignore a person for showing interest just because subconsciously your too scared to let yourself actually be able to connect and if another is willing its immediately a subconscious defense to avoid. Or you might somewhat despise, or become irritated by their admiration and/or use them as superficial temporary ego boosts when your feeling bad, and/or it be what it is. POINT: Grow up, be honest, Think about why you like someone or why you react the whay you do for once so you can stop playing games and lying to yourself and wasting time and emotions on things that aren't real. Another thing, if you just want someone to love, or to be loved, your normal. We all want to be loved or have love in some form; and as such we do require, variant in degree depending on the individual, personal relationships and connections. But acknowledge whether you want love or whether you love them. There is nothing wrong with the former, and in fact is what most relationships consist of at some point or another. But by not recognizing our true intentions of seeking self validation and approval always upheavel the couple, since the motivations we're self motivated and not actually dependent on the specific person but just the comfort they offer. Be honest, you'd be surprised how receptive people can be if talked to honestly and with sincerity. And if they don't or can't except the intentions and strength of your feelings, atleast you can avoid the inevitable fallout when you both realize you hate each other for not providing what the other believes they deserve. Being upfront can avoid the conflict of mismatched or miscommunicated expectations. Falling in love won't cure anything, and it won't fix anyone. But it can help to heal if utilized right, it can hurt in the best pain you'll ever feel, it can make your heart stop and jump simultaneously, and you know you'd rather be in hell with them then in love with anyone else, because there hell is most peoples' heaven, and their heaven is the best. Even so, if you don't express yourself, you can destroy the person you love the most just trying not to hurt yourself. And in the end, in trying so hard to avoid the bad and make it what you wanted, you lost all you had and remain forever haunted. If you do lobe each other, but it's not right, move on. Leaving a person whom you both remain in love with the other is the hardest thing you'll ever do. But with real love or not, you'd make the sacrifices but you'll resent them for it. You can't sacrifice yourself for someone else, and you can't save them unless you save yourself. You may love entirely, and more purely than you ever thought, so much so that you recognize the danger you both could do each other; and when you really love her, and always will, the connection can stretch around the world, even if only in soul. You have to do what is right for you, do what you need to. If you really love them, you want what's best for them even if it's the worst for you, even if it's the worst for you both. Sometimes if you tackle the conflict and depart, either to grow on your own or become who they made you believe you could be, maybe even just because your not ready to settle and you need to do all the things you wanted so you don't sacrifice your plans or dreams, is the truest form of love. When they want nothing more than you to stay, and you want nothing more than to be with them, but you both say goodbye and find it hard to look in their eyes. When you hold it all in and tell them you love them, give them a kiss, a smile, and a few too many good bye hugs, and you both do it because you both no that one of you, if not both, got their own soul searching and life growing to do. And they love you so much they do what is best for you, what you both no you need to do, when they love you so much they say good bye to you, because they can't control themselves and even though youll both take it, its not healthy or safe, and love can bring great happiness but it doesn't come right away. You have to do what you need, and let them do it too, because love is the ultimate but not if you lose you. And the worst part is, while it's the most painful thing you both do, you know by each saying goodbye to save themselves before they destroy each other just proved just exactly how strong, loyal, and true the love was. Saying good bye, to avoid the other giving their life for you. Real love is always willing to sacrifice, but never should. Because if it's mutual, neither could sacrifice their self or accept the other sacrificing themselves. Because they know if they sacrifice their's it wouldn't be healthy and they'd resent the person they loved the most in the end for being so good they gave away what a lot of what they could of done, and they want that person to do what they must, because they want them happy more than they're own happiness. And if two can ever find such a truth, and learn to not to hurt in defense to fear of pain, and do what they always wanted and became who the other deserves and made them believe they could be then perhaps they would find the love everyone find's, not just true but able to coinicide to happiness, and not just dread and resentment. It hurts to grow, it hurts to evolve, but when they really love you, with them or not you know it will always be so. And you feel them inside sometimes, no matter where you go. Better to hurt a little and possibly get it right, then to destroy each other and hate yourself for what you've become, looking back on all the things you never had done.