Undead Prom Date

CHARACTERS

ADAH is a 16 year old female, slightly reserved, and speaks with a sophisticated tone.
SETH is a 17 year old male, and wears baggy jeans.

PROPS

The book Twilight
A lawn chair

(Scene: A big backyard with a wooden deck and a fresh cut lawn.
There are many flower gardens and a fenced off vegetable garden.
There is a fence dividing the yard’s lawn from the neighbor’s.
ADAH sits on the deck on a fold out lawn chair. She has her head
lowered to a book and her flip flops sit by her next to the chair.
SETH comes out of the neighbor house and notices her sitting there.
He goes over to the dividing fence and leans on it casually.)

SETH

Hey Adah.

ADAH

(Looks up from book with a surprised expression) Huh? Seth? Why are you here?

SETH

Just thought I’d come over and see what you’re up to.

ADAH

Oh. Well I’m doing this new thing called reading. I would let you try, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself.
(Lowers her head and continues reading)

SETH

Ouch. (Pause) What’s the book about?

ADAH

Why should you care? (Looks up)

SETH

I’m just curious as to what could possibly be more interesting than the ever-sexy me.
(Does typical model poses)

ADAH

Good God! (Sighs) I knew you were only here to bug me. That’s all you ever do. Well, you can go home now. Mission accomplished.

SETH

Okay. Fine. I’ll behave.
(Walks through gate into ADAH’s yard.)
Just tell me what the book’s about.

ADAH

(Considers) Well, it’s about this girl named Bella who moves to Forks-

SETH

Forks?

ADAH

Yes, it’s in Washington. Anyway, she moves to Forks to stay with her dad. She meets this really mysterious guy named Edward. She finds out he’s a vampire and he saves her life. Then they fall in love.

SETH

Hold on, they fall in love? After she finds out he’s a vampire?

ADAH

Oh, shut up, would you? It’s not like that. It’s a very romantic book.

SETH

I bet. (As Edward deep voice) Hey babe, wanna get married? By the way, I’m a vampire.
(As Bella- girly voice) Of course, I’ve always wanted to spend my honeymoon in a casket.

ADAH

(Exasperated) No, Edward doesn’t want to turn her into a vampire! He wants her to lead a normal human life.

SETH

Sure, but he’ll dump her once she gets old and wrinkly.

ADAH

No, he won’t. And that’s what’s so romantic. He promises he’ll be there for her forever.

SETH

That’s not romantic, that’s disturbing! Imagine this eternally young guy wheeling around some old prune. All seems fine until he bends down and frenches her! Yuagh!

ADAH

(Sits up straighter) Oh, you’re so immature. I bet Edward would never say something so vulgar. You are such the typical teenage boy. And even the way you dress! Please! Pull, up your pants, I don’t want to see that!

SETH

(Looks down at his pants) What’s wrong with my under-crackers?

ADAH

That’s just what I’m talking about! Anything you say is crass and stupid.

SETH

I resent that.

ADAH

Then maybe you should get some manners. Like Edward. Edward has class.

SETH

Ok, so say I get some “class” and pull up my pants. Then would I be good enough for you?

ADAH

Edward has superhuman strength and can run at speeds unobtainable by humans. He can zip Bella wherever she wants. What can you do?

SETH

I could give you a piggy-back ride?

ADAH

See? You could never come anywhere close to Edward.

SETH

(Huffs) Give me this.
(Takes book from ADAH)

ADAH

Seth! Give it back!

SETH

(Turns away from ADAH) This guy can’t be totally perfect. I’ll show you. There’s got to be something he does wrong. (Starts flipping through book)

ADAH

(Stern)  Seth, I am not amused.

SETH

Hold on! (Stops on a page) Here!
(As Bella) You spied on me?
(As Edward) What else is there to do at night?
(As Bella) How often did you come?
(As Edward) Almost every night. You’re interesting when you sleep.
(Himself again)There! You have to admit, THIS is creepy. He was stalking her, for Christ sakes!

ADAH

You have no right criticizing Edward! In fact, you should be more like him. It would be a major improvement.

SETH

You want me to be more like Edward the Stalker? You mean like this?
(As Edward)  Bella, let me lick your face.

ADAH

(Stands up and snatches book back) That’s it!! Get off my lawn, Seth! You are so boorish! You always have to make fun of me, don’t you?

SETH

Adah-

ADAH

Go away!!!

SETH

Adah, wait a minute. I was just being silly. You know, funny? I thought girls liked that kind of stuff.

ADAH

Obviously not this girl. Just go. (Turns away from SETH and crosses her arms)

SETH

I’m sorry

ADAH

Sure you are. You said that when we were kids, too. But it was always back to the same thing the next day.

SETH

Adah, don’t be so stubborn, give me a chance!

ADAH

Why should I give you a chance? Whenever I talk to you, you act like your doing me a favor by gracing me with your presence. You are so full of yourself.

SETH

Calm down, Adah, let me talk

ADAH

Why should I?

SETH

Because I’m trying to apologize. I only came over because I wanted to talk to you. I didn’t think it would go like this. Serious.

ADAH

Serious? I don’t think it’s possible for you to be serious. The emotion never registered as a child.

SETH

Come on, Adah. Give me a break. I’m not the immature 8th grader I used to be.

ADAH

I’ll believe that once you start acting like it.
(Pause)
You’ve been grinding on my nerves since 6th grade. I couldn’t turn a corner without an insult or sexual joke flying my way.

SETH

I know I stole your gym bra and taped it to your locker, and I know I told everyone you were so flat-chested you could be a boy, but, can’t we just get past that? That was in Junior High.

ADAH

Go away Seth.

SETH

I can’t. I find you too interesting

ADAH

Is that why, in 7th grade, you snapped my bra so hard it left a bruise?

SETH

Well, the bruise is gone isn’t it? Along with my antics. (Pause) You know, whenever I talked to you, the guys would tease me about liking you. I hated it because it was true. I did like you.

ADAH

You liked me?

SETH

Yeah.

ADAH

(Sits again) Oh, well… that doesn’t change anything. I’m still mad at you.

SETH

OK. (Pause) You think you can forgive me?

ADAH

I’ll try. Now let me read.

SETH

(There is an awkward silence for some time. SETH shifts his feet and ADAH clears her throat.)
So… Do Edward and Bella ever go to prom together?

ADAH

Huh? Oh, yeah. They do (pause) but Bella is in a huge body cast because she was almost killed by a bad vampire before Edward saved her.

SETH

Wow.

ADAH

Yeah.

SETH

So Bella has a perfect prom date with all the fixings. What about you?

ADAH

What do you mean what about me?

SETH

Are you looking for an undead prom date with superhuman strength, or will just a normal guy suffice?

ADAH

Well, if you see a gorgeous vampire looking for a prom date, count me in. But I could settle for a regular guy.

SETH

So what does a regular guy have to do to keep your attention? As a hypothetical question?

ADAH

He could actually wear a belt for once. And a button down shirt shouldn’t be too much to ask for.

SETH

And..?

ADAH

And… hm... He could read this book (holds up book) and write an essay on how amazing it is.

SETH

How is that relevant?

ADAH

Well, it would show me that he is interested in me and the things I like. Also, it would tell me that he likes me enough to do something he doesn’t want, just to make me happy.

SETH

And how long would the essay have to be?

ADAH

At least a page. Typed.

SETH

No problem, I can do that. (Takes book from ADAH)

ADAH

(Laughs) I thought it was a hypothetical question?

SETH

(Smiles) I lied. (Flips through book) so I have to read this huh?
(Mumbles) he steps out into the sunlight…
(Normal voice)... and His skin literally sparkled like thousands of tiny diamonds. Unbelievable! He sparkles?!

ADAH

If you’re going to make fun, give it back.

SETH

No way. I am going to read this sucker and write you an A+ essay.

ADAH

If you say so.

SETH

So, if I do as you command, you’ll consider accepting me for prom? Even though my skin doesn’t sparkle in the light and I can’t zip you around at unobtainable speeds?

ADAH

Yes, I’ll consider it. But of course you’ll have to wear a tux. And buy me a corsage.

SETH

Of course. Well then, I’d better get started (indicates to the book, and turns to leave)

ADAH

Wait.

SETH

Yeah?

ADAH

You promise you’ll be nice at prom, right? No rude comments or snide remarks?

SETH

I promise. I’ll even tell you how pretty you look whenever you want.

ADAH

It’ll be fun, right? Like Edward and Bella’s prom?

SETH

Except it’ll be better because you won’t be in a body cast and I won’t crave your blood.

ADAH

(Laughs) Good point.

SETH

(Begins to walk back but pauses and looks back at ADAH) Hey, do you want to come over? I rented a movie and bought every type of junk food imaginable. You name it, I got it.

ADAH

Kettle corn?

SETH

You bet. What do you say?

ADAH

Sounds like fun.
(SETH offers ADAH his hand. He pulls her up from the chair and they walk offstage into SETH’s house)