A collage of conversation from TV land

A Swath of sound .

Dictions, conversations, digresses all,

Recrded At an Undisclosed Television Studio In Californa USA!







. ‘hey there somewhere I could take a leak man? And, is it cool if I take a little bit of my medicine , ya dig? K, man. Be back in aflash!’



“Where will I go from here? How will my existence transform? What invisible spaces will become vibrant ? What am I talking about? Is it just a banal expeditions to my own personal phonetic Doldrums !? “



‘Why Hello Mr. Tom Baker! I’m am so glad you could make it to sunny California! Hah, it even seems like your dressed like you’ve been here your whole life. And, my you have to be the youngest looking 37 I ever seen. But that’s good! We love static people out here in Hollywood! Well I know your a busy man and we here at ‘_________’[1] proudly welcome you!.Ive assigned my executive producer to show you around and get you settled in. Hey Felix! Felix! Yes Yes I know; but first be so kind as to give Mr. Baker the grand tour….’



“considering that’s your highly market- savvy, in my non-partisan, macro/micro-paradigm-analysis. Someday boy maybe you’ll be getting those checks signed out as -consultant you’ll know. Of course in this position besides utilizing cutting edge technology ; accolades will be based on behaviorism statistics, and your lunches, holidays, and weekends will now consist of formulating projected capital & stock quotients commerce networks who are chalked full of shadowy wizards doing the magic dance over in accounting. You will of course submit MY reports with upmost prestige, well margined staples, and dazzling use of color. . The fact that your fate was approved at my behests will is a hallmarks of my prestige in this operation, and my confidence in you.



TOM.uh.............”I mean like yea? Uh,…. so I can get it down man. Like-no-problem![2] “







“With the paradigm shifting influx of digital gizmo’s and contraptions snowballing, I often wonder where is the character of my generation headed? I notice people rarely are at full rapt attention, usually a small portion of a persons conscious is waiting anxiously for the next text message or who wrote on their facebook page a highlight of my peers life is getting a new easily breakable & expensive pice of metal that uses dot matrix and radiation to provide entertainment. My life can be easily categorized into two main eras, analog and digital. When I was born in 1989 the most prevalent digital device was the digital watch. It was often crude and a very fashionable garb for the early 90s. I remember all kinds of cheap plastic watches that came with a happy Meal or were one with little yellow tickets that were rewards in arcades. Loss of bookstores, blockbuster, FYE, actual books, spelling, attention span, Gain of instant communication- lack of privacy or social control, social networking-loss of social skills, MP3- bad sound Has something been lost in translation ?



“FUCK ALL THIS ,, ITS ALL JUST BULLSHIT IN THE END WHETHER YOU DO OR DON’T YOUR FUCKED JUST THE SAME SO WHATS THE USE TRYING? IS THAT WHAT YOUR TEENAGE SON OR DAUGHTER SAYS?? THEN TRY OUR NEW PRODUCDT;;;;;;; ACME CO PRESENTS DO IT YOURSELF BRAIN LOBOTOMY…. FUCK LETTING YOUR CHILDREN THINK, THAT’S WHAT THE FLAG DOESN’T NEED. FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN THE BILL OF RIGHTS AND CONSTITUTTION GO SUCK A DICK;;; THIS IS AMERICA HERE SONNNY BOY…. YES THAT’S RIGHT…. CHOP PART OF YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER BRAINS RIGHT OUT AND SHELL TURN INTO THAT BRAIN DEAD ZOMBIE THAT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED!!!! SHELLL STOP FUCKING YOUR BROTHER , SUCKING THAT DOPE PIPE AND BE MORE RESPECTFUL… WHY PUT UP WITH CONSTANT ABUSE FROM THE CHILD YOU’VE RAISED AND FED FOR 16 YEARS WHEN YOU CAN TURN HER INTO A SLOBBERING HELPLESS FOOL…. ACT NOW AND WELL THROW IN 1 FOR FREE JUST FOR THE WIFE… ACT NOW ACT NOW ACME BRAIN LOBOTY SETS…… YOU’LL LIKE IT IT’S A WAY OF LIFE………… “



“Combining multiple genres, TP was a highly schizophrenic show that somehow flows effortlessly from ; macabre to, sardonic ,goofy, intellectual, romantic, horrifying, and thrilling. TP stars Kyle McLaughlin, AKA FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper. . Cooper is an esteemed, yet peculiar agent; he drinks tubs of coffee and uses a peculiar Modus Operandi. Cooper interprets dreams and uses fate/luck to aid his case. The other characters on the show are all eccentric, yet more real at the same time for having basic human flaws .Cooper arrives in TP to head the investigation in the brutal slaying of local prom queen. The investigation is taken down a mysterious path that ends sadly after only 29 episodes. Twin peaks while, created and originally written by David Lynch; Lynch had prior engagements during much of the show. Thus the writing team was tweaked and a whole number of directors shot the episodes. Giving each episode a different feel. The directors would often use weird effects while filming to keep the artistic integrity of the show up. David lynch was originally an artist before switching to film. His film work can almost be thought of as extensions of his painting. The shots


are placed on a particular scene and the camera rarely moves or switches shots. This is like building a painting by not moving the camera EXTRANEOUSLY-”

-Upon hearing the phrase , Cromwell had a bright gas, an epiphany. His eyes rolled up into his head and his mouth lay agape, twitching in spurts. “ By Jove” he blurted out to a rather stunned looking paper-boy. Cromwell came to from his bewitchment and threw a nine-pence at the boy to pay for the paper which had just triggered faint recollections of that dark night so long ago. Coincidentally since Inspector Cromwell was preoccupied with this case at hand that he completely over-shot the boy and sent the coin sailing into the edge of the cobblestone streets where the gutter-water -----along a rolling river of downpour ( alas, mixed with the horse foul and daily rubbish from us since we are obviously in some kind of quasi ‘ historical detective fiction’ category and Germs and indr plumbing presumably hadn’t been invented or necessitated), which the young paper by dashed after for 17 blocks, occasionally diving into the scum at a opportune moment but only grabbing a cow-chip instead. And so finally, bleary and exhausted the young paperboy pauses nary a tic to cath his breath when a reckless stagecoach full of drunk dandies and rolled right over the young man without stopping. The Paperboy, now wet, dirty, and tired, also had to deal with the fact that his right leg/arm were severed completely by the wagon wheels . Presumably the wagon wheel having been modified t blasphemous levels by the pink-slip- er’ of the stagecoach, wagon, buggy, shitty shitty bang bang thing. Thus being in serious pain and bleeding and goodness knows what else- the Paper boy fastened his newspaper satchel to his bod by clutching the green leather strap with his molars. With sheer grit, determination, and steadfastness this young horribly maimed man, dragged himself 19 blocks through cold rainy puddles of liquid shit and garbage cascading down his face and body as he crab walked laterally up the hill he had just run down. Slowly reaching his right arm out he would grasp the ground and claw at the ground t help drag himself farther along whilst sliding the right leg over and shimmying his body. He literally resembled a crab. Legend has it that it took the boy 3 days to reach the top where his employers office was. Knowing the newspaper vendor was a fair and honest man, the boy was relieved to be at safety finally. He had been bitten by 3 dogs and attacked by 2 groups of elderly ladies who I thought he was a leprechaun and pilfering his paper bag, jacket, trousers for hidden treasure. At the office the boy dragged himself in- the owner was not in so he prepared some tea and crumpets for himself in the parlor . He readied himself snug with a warm blanket by a rich fireplace in a dark wooden room lit by two candles- reading the latest installment of Dickens in ‘ the Times’. Sitting splendid now in his plush red velvet reading chair directly in front of the fireplace and elaborate granite mantle- removing a golden flask full of aged Brandy from a black velvet embroidered bottle guard. Pouring a ample snifter into the tumbler sitting on the rich Mahogany writing table – he quaffs –swallowing. Tired now he begins to murmur to himself “ yib yib yib. Doo-Dee-Doo, Laa-Dii-Dahh. Olalla- shepherds pie-me o’ my- Belgian wood- kina good - Belgda goovvian wood kinda good, everybody now le deadeaaea Belgian wood, kinda good…….” He falls asleep before the fire. Dreaming of….Candy apple red sky in the wide open Scotland countryside. Pure green hills, but almost orange in this intense light. A floating triangular banner in the wind made of silk, a woman’s face rapidly juxtaposed over the sky- then a mushroom with a giant eye in horrible pea green lime sock 70s wallpaper vibe- then the woman seen with hair like Jaclyn Kennedys but a much more apple contour to their face which is somehow reminiscent of rust-and she’s smiling dancing in the Scotland red zone land . Dancing in wide circles with white sheets, like togas flailing about in fractalike directions . Zooming in and forming the clear crystal eye to beam me the cold ice into the wasteland. I remember screaming and a piercing black envelope stretches across a super-nova in reverse- conquering all , I mean all, the circle smaller and smaller until its only a blue radish sitting under a dim aqua blue light bulb in a pure white stucco room. You I me, him , gets dizzy and you roll on the side through the corridors and circle in a maze seeing bright orange peels and darkness enveloping cold water and suddenly you realize you’re in the pool sleeping….





‘ So it’s your first day here at ‘___________’ , whoopee! And, the Big Guy even seems to think your some kind of hot-shot – …. !?Hmmmm? Soooo, I’ll bet you’ll know the routine around these basic ‘XR-35./HT digital proliferation vectors & production hubs

“1. Being handicapped

2 race;

3 .gender; Males and Females are excluded from activities from birth. As babies; Males are usually garbed in a baby blue, whereas Females are generally garbed in pink. In adolescence, members of the same gender tend to interact with one-another or are awkward/ estranged around with the opposite sex. Later when puberty and mating rituals come about, these differences make more profound changes. While interaction between male and females does occur, mostly it happens due to sexual or social reasons, while long-lasting friendships are often exclusive of the same sex.

4. Smarts;

5 .instrument skill; A talented person on an instrument is often surrounded by peers and admires as they play. These musicians often brag about their own skills and look down upon beginners or the less advanced. In musical jams, the less competent players are often drowned out, asked to leave, or are never invited to play again.

6. Skiing; Fine skier’s often get annoyed at those less advantageous in the rapid sliding down-hill on frozen water. Thus those who are not as skilled are often “ ditched “ ( as it’s called in adolescent ski clubs), chastised for being slow and incompetent; which often results in the less experienced parties being rejected from the athletic interaction evermore.

7. Religion; Those who are active participants of a religion often meet regularly for church services and activities. They grow close to one another and feel comfortable in one-another’s company. People who are not religious or practice another faith are not welcome into the close-knit bonds, or often thought of as sinful or not as good.

8. Sport team; Members of a team commune in a very close and vigorous way. The members of the athletic tribe are often close knit . Those who are not members are often seen as not worthy of the same respect. Athletes often socialize and participate in the same curricular and extracurricular activities, reserving hesitation to other non-member’s who wish to join, (excluding “athlete” groupies).




9. Being a hippie; Hippies often wear tye-dye, sandals, love beads, Petrolia oil, and are into far out activities. The Hippies often are paranoid of those who do not follow their cultural norms. Thus non-hippies, often called “ squares “,or “narcs”, are often shunned from participating in activities like hackey-sack, pot smoking, and orgies. No matter how hard the over 30 - bow-tie wearing man tries, he will surely be disenfranchised from a hippie’s respect and free loving.



10. Being a smoker; those who do not smoke are often repulsed by smokers. They complain of the foul smell and degradation of health. Those who smoke are often looked down upon as being inferior or of a fiendish status. A non-smoker may reject a smoker’s offer of a date or friendship on these grounds.”



” Indeed then, carry on shall we-so Our major investment comes from prescription pills, male enhancement products, and lawyers who also sell gold and used vehicles. These are main vendors during the prime time hours (8-2), when we air our criminal investigation shows. After that we have 2 hours of rerun sitcoms (12-2 AM). Basically just remember the first six hours is monotonous storylines that have been recycled countless times since B.C. 3000 . Your next 4 hours is when the dynamic stuff comes in! The raw-dog television of Infomercials! Advertising! Entertainment! All in the same package my boy! The American Dream come true I tell Ya!"







“……………………………..”( Response is unintelligible , rude under breath mumbling about the grand tour and a general curse on his boss for hiring some twerp would be a likely guess >."



The Waiting



By Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers



“ Oh baby don’t it feel like heaven right now.



Don’t it feel like something from a dream.



Yet I’ve never known nothing like this.



Don’t it feel like tonight might never be again.



Better we know better than to try and pretend.



No one could have ever told me bout this,



I said yeah yeah!!!



Oh;



The waiting is the hardest part.



Every day you get one more yard.



You take it on faith, you take it on heart.



The waiting is the hardest part…”





“Transportation? “Transportation is defined as “1. Emotionally moved; ecstatic, transported by music



2. Taken or carried from one place to another “



( Dictionary.com)



“ Your responsibility will be monitoring The entertainment which airs on late weeknights , continuing to thrice past double Nielsen sweep Tuesday in the designated time slot whereupon we will review the demographics and alter the programming in hopes of squeezing more loot out of a so far unimpressive record . Your quadrant is channels 700-766 extending from post soap- opera-re-run-extravaganza ending at 1:55 Am. You will commence with "The Fabulous Nut and Brunch Paid advertising variety hour" which is currently airing biweekly, a sure crowd pleaser! Now being presented in astoundingly lo-fi- VHS- Beta-vision condensed reruns marathon { Circe 2Am -6Am}; which is popular viewing among the senile and Vikings. At precisely 6:01.56 Am EST which is exactly when to the anally retentive thousands place of a minute the show ends.”



“ It seems as though were aren’t honest with one another, or ourselves. All the culture is built around fakeness and jaded irony, the whole media is self-mocking and so is the commercial’s, movies, politicians. It’s as if we don’t take anything seriously, one long cynical drag to the next. Deep held morals, devotion and pure joy are put down. Its innate in us young Americans to old most common social OUTBURSTS OF POSITIVSM ARE REGARDED AS JOKES. Or else they are attributed as idiots. Weirdo’s, and retarded. If I were to go on FB AND BLURT OFF A POST SAYING HOW I AM “ENJOYING “ my late note writing session on FB and having a really fun, inspirational, good time using this social outlet to display some art I create among other facets of this lovely family of FB friends.” Maybe ill do that actually right now. It is 232 Am but ill probably get some kind of response. Most likely Ill be thought to making a ironic statement, obviously writing isn’t fun ? reading isn’t fun either, or is work, or pretty much anything. Ive had experiences where in a social situation a person desperately wanted to go to or was excited about, people are standing around talking to other people and wondering what their (Unintelligible)





“ For those who don’t know, the upper hundreds( and thousand) # channels are painstakingly timed and calculated in Siberian gulag time and converted to infrared fractal's designs which should be thoroughly scribbled on our state of the art weekly leather agendas which are provided by the company for free! Of course we make you pay for any agenda after the first at $2 a pop, and most new employees waste a superfluous amount of dough trying to figure out the blessed scheme devised by our incredibly rich and loving CEO . Uh, what was that? um, yea forget I said that. Back to the explanation sonny and don’t interrupt me again! The infrared -fractal coated leather agendas containing designs are then rubbed together by monkey laborers from designated cubicages. whereupon

producing awesome friction; which is used to heat a large bucket of water. The Hi-FI steam power emitted from the bucket of water travels through a complex system of copper pipes before emitting a vapor with a density of .0024 at a speed of .0004 MPS; which then moves the hand of the clocks in Peter's office. The operation cannot be adjusted under sever FCC fines and severe beating! HA, HA , HA little joke we have around here, har har har. Thus a meticulous yet ingenious strategy of advanced mathematics and steam power operate the time tables so the migrant workers know EXACTLY when to push the VHS tapes into the slot for broadcasting live. And if those little bast.... I mean bugle boys sullies up the broadcast again; well that’s why your here Tom. We here at _________ know your a man who leads with the rod and not the carrot. “



" with little yellow tickets that were rewards in THE arcade.Has something been lost in translation?"





“ Anyway, after the " fabulous Nut and Brunch Paid advertising variety hour" ends its nightly marathon and all viewers have been rendered into brain dead zombies drooling at the mouth and gapping fiendishly at the TV with bloated reddened eyes it’s time to wake them up with our local weather lady! The stupendously awesome Ashley Floozy graciously presented in astoundingly Lo-blouse & HI-skirt ensembles . Systematically designed to flaunt the assets and stiffen anybody within eyesight, I tell you what Har Har! All this week features Ashley on location doing Peruvian torch singing at The Ole Country Buffet breakfast courtesy of the Citibank mutual assets and profit seizure shock brigade firm. As the commercials says about Citibank " we are banking with a soul" ; though the FBI reports it is a highly profitable and succulent soul dressed in dashing waist high pink boots and elegantly woven tunics cast from the richest and most beautiful silks in the state of Alabama. Produced for close to nothing by a legal loophole logistic, legitimizing law bound indentured monkey servants dressed in silly hats and smoking cigars to work in hours and conditions long outlawed in every country but North Korea . Yes of course the monkeys love it godamnit! What kind of company do you think this is??!”



First off, we should clear this up right here. Who am I exactly? Obviously, one would jump to the conclusion that Trevor S. James is writing this , and maybe he ‘ is’ so what’s it to ya? But the hyper- contextual realm that is manifested by me ( like writing a story) , can lead to creation of ‘ characters’. These ‘ characters’ serve as interesting artistic usages. Chances are, you’ve likely even seen ‘ characters ‘ yourself! Ever seen a movie? Well, the people in those movies are ‘ characters’ . Even TV shows, literature, radio, Et Cetera are filled to the butt-brim with ‘ characters’. Now you may surely be asking yourself, “ yes, certainly the ‘ character ‘ idea sounds plausible.; But the people I’ve seen on TV shows alone represents a widely diverse swath of cultures that could never all be easily pigeonholed into one word”.



“ Then it's onto the news which is sure to be Just and levied. Our top story this morning is a simply fabulous tour of the forced monkey labor manufacturing camp that produce those simply dashing silk tunics and waist high pink boots. I hear tom, that it was simply bananas!!! HAAAhahaa, oh



"but I kid tom, actually off the record I heard that Lucas our camera man had steaming monkey turds thrown at him all day by those monkeys bastards after he mentioned Obama- care to a group of monkey's who recently lost their pensions and health benefits due to a vast spending freeze at The San Diego Zoo and apparently welfare doesn’t cover them. Well regardless of PETA and other communist fronts spreading vile propaganda Tom, I hear nothing but the most pleasant grunts from the swell monkey crew; working in state of the art monkey labor camps located in scenic Alabama. What? No you cant see the monkey camps? What the gud-durned hell, are you wearing a wire or something ??! Ill kick your godamn ass you........."



“ Excuse me for that I just love those gawd blessed monkeys wid all me heart and don’t it just beat all when some city slicker like you tries to interrupt my one sided narrative. Why your probably confusing the hell out of anyone trying to read this Tom. Did you ever think of that you SOB?! HUH? Oh, well why didn’t you say so...”



“ overall expenditures for the entailing fiscal-operation, asset margin assets, intrinsic value, market-leverage, synergy demands, intelligence, dashing ability to look good on TV during some sort of media related incident for good or ill, and the big problem, the superfluous domination of the travel business avenue by the air, bus, car-rental, cruise-ship, Viking-ship, water buffalo, taxi, train, ferry ,limousine, personal driver, ambulance, police, rickshaw, horse, motorcycle, golf-cart , mopeds , skateboard, donkey, big-wheel, and private bus transportation industries.



“ In secular physcodevelepmental terms, an epiphany is a sudden, life-changing realization, often one that catalyzes a persons emotional maturation. The person, in one blinding flash ‘ grows up,’ ‘ comes of age.’ ‘ Put[s] away childish things.’ Realizes illusions gone moist and rank from a grip of years’ duration. Becomes, for good or ill, a citizen of reality. In reality, genuine epiphanies are extremely rare. In contempluary adult life, maturation and acquiescence to reality are gradual processes, incremental and often imperceptible, not unlike the formation of the renal calculus. Modern usage usually deploys epiphany as a metaphor. It is usually only in dramatic representations, religious Icography, and the ‘ magical thing ‘ of children that achievement of insight is compresses to a sudden blinding flash.”




















[1] Name deleted at insistence of publishing lawyer.

[2] It would most likely be helpful to realize that Tom is a typical 19 year old kid from San Clementon. Due to an error at ‘__ _______’, where they had flubbed the name and arrivals of two different Tom Bakers who arrived 2 days later to widespread chaos and eventual finger-pointing. The other Tom Baker was a 37 year old studio expert- who was transferring over from “ A & E” . The young T.B was applying for a janitorial position , solei to support his addiction to medical Marijuana , Cheetos, & c…. . T.B lived in a small dark cube in the slums of Oakland. Older Tom had lived in a large beaming cake in Beverly Hills.