Compelled to Forget

I found you in a dream, I think. My dark brooding knight. I remember we kissed, I remember the stars, I remember.

I wake up and my world crashes, I hold on to my dream. I hate this feeling, the desperation of seeing your dream fade knowing it was an important one, I'm sure it was. You were there, so it was significant.

How do you do it? How can you crash into my life and not allow me to know the truth. To leave me with dreams that drive me insane? Are they real? Are you?

I remember you bit me.

I remember that I made you do it, that I begged.

I wake up and the marks on my neck are fading, they disappear as I caress them in wonder. Am I crazy? That's what they say. Do i care?

No. Nothing else matters. I want to know you, I want you here, I want the bitemarks to never go away. I want to remember.

You look at me, a myriad of emotions showing in your eyes, hunger, want, anger, need, love? Do you love me? -I always ask, I see your lips moving but I can't hear you I can't understand, I am devastated, why? I cant remember.

My mother looks at me, pity in her eyes, she tries to force feed me. She doesn't understand, she doesn't know you. But then again neither do I.

I remember running my finger under your fang, I am laughing, teasing, you nip it and I squeal, you taste my blood, your eyes become hooded and I am lost. I have been lost.

My days are dim, I see others look at me, sometimes with pity, mostly with dread. There goes Yanna, she used to be brilliant, they probably whisper.

They don't know anything. Bitches.

I remember your smell, I know if I just hold on, you will come back and take me away, save me from this mundane existence, hold me. Love me. You will.

I remember we fought, I was being needy, I wanted more, I wanted you. I remember your tears, your torment, I remember thinking do vampires cry?

And I remember the feeling of farewell, of anguish and screaming, hollow in the pit of my stomach. The hollow that remained, days, weeks, to this day.

I stand atop this building that you love, the same stars staring back at me, shouting your name, begging, crying, laughing, the insanity of it all.

I feel ready. I will take this leap. Maybe I am crazy. 'Won't matter now.

I jump, I'm crazy, i die.

I jump, I'm not crazy, you come.

Either way, the hollow ends. I will stop missing you, i will stop crying, i will stop.

I jump.

I open my eyes, cringe and expect pain, there is none.

There is you, my dark knight, soulful eyes looking at me, full of love and .....exasperation.

I smile. I cry.

I found you.

And at last, I remember.