Fighting the Unknown

Fighting the Unknown

A poem about thoughts and feelings I experienced with depression.

Battling with depression
hiding behind it
an excuse for personal failure and missed opportunities

Sadness and frustration
a shield
even thought it hurts
it becomes a protector
provides false reasoning
The shield
it provides a dangerous sense of comfort,
a way to rationalize personal issues,
an excuse for limited personal growth

Taking shelter
hiding my mind in movies
they provide escape
A prison of solitude,
protection from the seeming painful task of deciphering my own problems 

Friendly gatherings
provide brief elements of avoidance
the inner torture still remains
The desire to return to
the prison of solitude
to commence battle in my own mind


Not knowing
neither the answers nor the questions
My internal struggle
what is happiness to me?
the conflicting arguments
both in my own mind and with loved ones
To interpret success
in terms I both appreciate and understand

Aggressively engaging loved ones
Searching for someone to blame

Delving into the past,
circling my memory for events, actions to dwell on
Purposely seeking elements of misery and regret



Must break the cycle
today is a new day
Discontentment with chapters of the past, is a part of life
Constant reliving of such events,
especially ones that are of little significance,is not a part of life
The insignificant moments
have been beaten, survived
Soldiered on to the point
which you stand today

Reminiscing about the past
is a healthy past time
to be enjoyed with friends and loved ones
Scouring ones mind for
hurtful memories,
visions and thoughts
of loved ones letting you down
is cruel to yourself
and more so to those around you

Forcing guilt and pain
against the people that would
willing take the pain away
if humanly possible

Blaming loved ones
Begging for help
but engaging them
in repetitive volatile conversations
is a cruel torture

Drowning them in guilt
for which they are not
Suffocating them with memories and thoughts
of how they let you down

Must break the cycle
today is a new day
Take inventory of what’s good
enjoy and appreciate the family and friends around you.
develop personal goals
pride yourself on your accomplishments

Must break the cycle
today is a new day
Keep pushing forward
create good memories
meaningful relationships
strengthen and nurture
the relationships that pulled
you free from the grips of depression