An Interview at Starbucks

An Interview at Starbucks

"One triple shot tall raspberry mocha please." I say to the Starbucks barista.  Behind me, my future "employer" is gawking at my legs.  When one pairs thigh highs and heels correctly, the results can be absolutely devastating.

Case in point:  As I sit down in front of him, I have to tap his chin.  "You might want to close your mouth Felixxxs." I use a sensual purr to pronounce his name, making it sound like a very dirty word in the bedroom.  Sliding the sunglasses off my face, I hook them into my figure-hugging dress shirt that expresses every curve on my toned upper body;  the cleavage just barely peaking over. 

"I uh…I'm uh…glad you could uh…make it." he stutters, captured by my brilliant violet eyes.  That's right Felix…stare all you want.  You're already mine and what's worse is that you know it. 

I watch in amusement as a red blush forms on his cheeks while he struggles to control his thoughts, composing them together between the oh shit, she knows who I am and damn, she's f-ing gorgeous.  Poor guy.  He has no idea what he's getting into and with whom.  There's an awkward pause as he waits, wondering if I will tell him my name.

I let it pass, adding to his exquisite torture by crossing my legs under the table.  The undeniable rasp of sheer thigh high followed by the discrete brush of my foot against his calf makes him jump.  "It was my pleasure." I say, taking a sip of my mocha and leaving that soft, almost perfect imprint of my lips on the lid before setting the cup down.

"Why so nervous, Felix?  After all, you were the one that asked me to come."  Egads, how do people DRINK this stuff?  Even with the extra shots, it tastes like warm bitter water compared to what I'm used to.  –And that flavoring?  Definitely NOT raspberries.

I smile predatorily as I watch Felix struggle to break his gaze with me.  He's very cute.  So innocent.  So vulnerable.  I should be feeling guilty, but I'm having too much fun. 

"Er…right, right." he says, clearing his throat.  From his worn out briefcase, I watch him produce a packet of papers folded in half.  "Uhm, so I prepared a few questions for our interview.  You know, to make sure that you're the right fit for the job."

Unbelievable.  Well, maybe believable.  After all, Felix was a former IT person that got shuffled and reassigned to the HR department.  From key puncher to pencil pusher, his HR boss in the upper echelons of the organization, an old gruff gentleman by the name of Colonel Roberson, hates his guts.  Could it be because of Felix's psychotically anal attention to detail?  Who knows.  It doesn't matter anyways since Felix wants him dead. 

And now, dear Felix is going to give me a behavioral interview.  For an assassination.  Oh geeze. 

I have to cover my mouth to hide the smirk while I watch him thumb through his little paper packet.  It was heavily highlighted in two colors, with blue inked notes and whited out corrections.  What was this originally for?  A government position as a secretary?  With my little predatory smile I reply, “Riiiiight.  Go ahead Felix and ask away.”  Watch carefully as I eat him with my brain. 

"Tell me about a time you had to deal with an unforeseen crisis and what steps did you take to resolve it?" he reads in a confident tone, adjusting his glasses.  Placing the packet down, he leans forward, waiting for my response. 

"Hmm…" I look away, tilting my head in seeming deep thought while giving him a little encouragement.  They always feel better when they think they've stumped you. 

"You read the headline about how executive CEO Ted Liberty, from the Liberty Toy Company fell victim to an enteric flesh eating disease, yes?" I ask, tracing my cup with a shiny blood red nail. 

"Yes."  Poor Felix.  His eyes were as round as saucers and his untouched cappuccino was getting cold.

"Yes," I repeat, looking up to capture his gaze once again.  "Eighteen dead shortly after his Super Bowl party, two in intensive care, unresponsive to antibiotics.  It's only a matter of time."  I watch with amusement as a bead of sweat trickled its way down his forehead and to his eyebrow.

"Did YOU do that?  How did you do it?" He asks, entirely forgetting the original question.  I motion for him to drink his cappuccino.  No cream, with one packet of sugar. 

"Well, poor Ted's caterer never made it to the party."  I say while casually waving my hand in the air.  "…something about how a Buick without a driver collided with the catering truck en route.  It was a tragic accident."  At this point, Felix already knows that the "accident" had something to do with me.  I could have told him the gory details but he was already sheet white as it is.  I didn't want him throwing up all over the table either.

"Anyways, here's poor Ted, party just starting without a caterer.  What's worse, his old college fraternity brothers and his management team were all invited." 

"So what happened?" Felix asks, finally taking a sip of his lukewarm drink. 

"He calls for pizza." I say with a disarming smile.  "This is where I come in.  You see, the original delivery driver couldn't make it.  He was uh," my eyes move up his buttoned yellow polo shirt, rest on his pocket protector for a brief moment before meeting his gaze, "detained.  I stepped in as a substitute."  I hear another gulp from Felix.  That cappuccino must've hurt coming down.

"So.  Here I am with a stack of ten pizzas at the second quarter of the game, and this guy answers the door.  He's completely painted in Pittsburgh Steelers gold and black colors and is holding a cat in a Steelers cheerleading outfit." I couldn't keep the growl out of my voice.

"What's wrong with that?" Felix asks.

"I HATE cats."

"Anyways, before Ted can come to the door to pay me, this….LUNATIC grabs me by the arm and pulls me into the room.  Suddenly, everyone starts cheering like raving madmen, and the guy tosses popcorn everywhere and starts crushing beer cans on his belly while break dancing on the couch!"  I shake my head, remembering that crazy night.  Damn cats.

"…All I wanted was to deliver the pizza and make sure they all ate it." I say with a pout.  "Instead, I get dragged into this party with a bunch of wild, raving men wearing golden togas and throwing around costumed kittens."

Felix asks me softly, "So, what did you do?"

"Well, to make a long story short, I needed to make an exit without seeming too conspicuous.  So grabbing the nearest bottle of beer, I shook it, uncorked it and sprayed it all over my body and proceeded to get everyone completely drunk while they ate all the food."  I say with a grin.  "I was wearing a white T-shirt you see."

"You WHAT?"

"Yup.  White T-shirt." I say, nodding proudly.  "That and the pizza was spiked with a teensy weensy amount of highly potent flesh eating mutant E. coli.  Fortunately Ted had lots of booze around, so people don't remember my exit.  The crazy painted dude with the cat was asleep on the couch while I made off with his hula skirt."

"What happened next?" Felix asked.

"You know the rest of it," I say, looking down at my now empty cup of mocha.  "Ted goes to the hospital with liquidated insides, and the rest of his party follow shortly after.  It took a few days to accomplish my mission, but public thinks it was a freak food poisoning accident involving the homemade pork sausages found in his freezer.  But," I say with a sigh, watching Felix finish his cappuccino.  "…now you know the real story."

"So do you have any more questions for me, or do I get the job?" I ask him with a smile.  Although I could do it if pushed, spending my afternoon answering more behavioral questions wasn't what I call very entertaining.

Another gulp from Felix as he nods.  "Oh yeah.  Of course.  OF COURSE!  You're hired." he adds, taking out a white envelope and sliding it over to me.  Leaning in closely, half to be discrete and half so that he can have a better look at my cleavage, he whispers, "I put the shuriken in there.  I'll give you the rest when the job's done.  Remember, I want it to look like an accident.  No witnesses."

I give him a wink, then surprise him with a warm kiss on his lips.  The poor guy will need to sit there for a bit before he can walk straight again.  "Purrrfect." I say as I get up.  "Call me if you need me…" I added as he continued to gawk, mouth wide open again.  Blowing him a kiss, I turn to walk out of the café.

Too bad Felix won't live to watch me finish the job.  He should've been paying closer attention to the poison I left on his lips. 

I'll have to remember that antidote and raspberries don't go together.  Next time, I might try almond.  Ah well.  Another day, another dollar.