Untitled

I remember the day he walked into my life. It was fall in Maine. The leaves were an assortment of greens, reds, browns and yellows slowly drifting off the trees as each gust of wind shook them. Every afternoon I would walk through the paths in the forest toward the river. I was in my sneakers and jeans with a white sweater that fell loosely. The sleeves were too long so they covered my hands. I always bought my things a little too big, makes me feel more comfy. My hair was falling loosely around my shoulders and I wore no makeup. No reason to do yourself all up when you’re playing in the woods.

I was standing in the middle of the trees watching the leaves creating patterns as they fell when he showed up. My eyes locked on him and my heart stopped beating. I turned quickly so he didn't notice but I was too late. As I glance sideways to see if he is still there I realize he is coming closer to me. He was gorgeous. Tall but built. Even with his sweatshirt I could tell that his body was well defined. His hair was wavy, not long but not short. You could run your fingers through it. It fell just below his eyes making them look mysterious and sexy. His lips were full and pouty and his nose defined. His eyes caught mine and my heart kicked back in.

The wind began whipping again and my hair blew into my face. I brushed it away with the hand half covered in my sweater. As soon as I looked again he was gone. Like he was a part of the wind swept away with the leaves. I glanced around to see if he had gone behind a tree or something but he was nowhere. I felt myself inhaling and a small piece of me was sad that I didn't get to meet him. I shook my head and tucked my hair behind my ear. I didn't even know him, so what was I all worked up about. He was great looking and definitely took my breath away but there are plenty of guys. Why was this one so different?

I began walking again trying to put the beautiful man out of my head and just enjoy being out in the cool weather. I was weaving in and out of the trees listening to the movement of the branches and watching the animals scurry around when I saw him again. I didn't look away this time. I locked my gaze on him and began walking toward him. It was like some part of me was being pulled to him. His hand was outstretched and I took it. I just took it without even thinking. There was something in his eyes that told me I was safe. I felt like I had no voice. My thoughts were all messed up and nothing made sense.

“Who are you?” My voice was so quiet and weak I wasn't sure he even heard me.

He pulled me closer to him and bent forward to whisper in my ear. “If you listen to your heart you will know who I am. I have been here with you before many times though you may not yet remember. Our hearts are intertwined and soon you will see me.”

Well that was an interesting thought. I had no idea what he was talking about but again something deep inside me told me I knew. I knew who this man was. I felt it. Like I've been in this same place many times looking into those beautiful eyes. My body knew him too. I could feel how I was responding and knew that I've laid in his arms before, that I've kissed those lips before and felt his warm breath on my neck, but I had no idea who he was.

What was wrong with me? I'm standing in the middle of the woods with a man I have never met, or at least not that I can remember, holding his hand. My body jerked with the words my mind spoke and quickly I let go of his hand. His face grew sad and he withdrew.

“I'm sorry, but you must have me mistaken. I don't know you. I'm not sure what I was doing. I'm sorry. I must go.” I tried to put some conviction in my words but I knew they showed how lost I was.

I turned to start making my way back to my car. I needed to get out of there before I did something stupid, well something more stupid that what I've already done. I glanced behind me to look at my stranger and saw the tear begin to drop from his eye. He stood there just watching me retreat without moving at all. I turned my head back around to watch where I was going and decided to not look back.

That was something I have been telling myself since I was little. Never look back. The past was not something that could be in the future. I knew that better than anyone. My past has left me with heartache and despair. That's the past. This is the future. This is the world I have created for myself. I know this world. I know what I'm doing and where I'm going. I need to keep my head straight.

As I emerged from the woods into the parking lot I looked around. The sun was setting and it was getting colder. The nights here were brutal if you weren’t prepared for them. I wasn't planning on staying out here at night and definitely wasn't prepared. I walked to my car and noticed that there was only one other car there. The people were already packing up and getting into it. I guessed the man in the woods came with them and they were just waiting on his return. I jumped into my black SUV and started it. I locked my doors as I let my car worm up a bit turning the heat on. I didn't realize how chilly I was. I'm not sure that it's the air that was giving me the chills but I had goose bumps all over. I rubbed my arm vigorously to warm it up and put the car into drive. Just as I was about to leave I noticed the man. He was standing at the edge of the woods just watching. The other car had left. I don't remember seeing them leave. When I glanced at the clock I realized that I had been sitting there for 20 minutes. How did I not realize that I was doing that? Why would I just sit there? I began to pull out and got to the edge of the parking lot and looked back. He was still standing there. I couldn't leave him could I? I couldn't let someone spend the night in the harsh woods of Maine. I checked under my seat for the knife I had stashed there and felt its cold steel against my fingertips. I took a deep breath and reversed, rolling my window down just enough to yell through it. Good Lord what was I thinking?

“Do you need a ride somewhere?” My voice was stronger now and I was thankful that it didn't give away the fear that was lying underneath the surface.

“I have nowhere to go.” His response seemed distant and lonely.

“You aren't staying at a hotel somewhere or with some family?” The question in my voice seemed more accusing than I intended.

My mind began telling me this was a bad idea. There was something wrong with someone that was in the woods with nowhere to go or no way to get there. This is how serial killers get their prey by the stupid women like me that feel pity for them.

“I came for you and you are not yet ready to remember me.” He was walking closer to the car as he spoke, though the words seemed to be carried by the wind. I could almost feel the heat generated by his lips as he spoke.

“Well, listen...” Yep the stupid women that feels pity coming out. “I have no idea who you are but if you need a place to stay I have a guest house. It's been empty and might be dusty but there's heat and light.” Good lord help me. I have no idea what I'm doing and I haven't even been to church in years. It's amazing how when you’re in a situation and don't know where to turn you look to God to lead the way. I sure hope he is there listening now.

“I would appreciate that. Are you sure you don't mind? I don't want to push until you have remembered.” His eyebrow lifted slightly as if he really is sincerer.

There he goes again, talking about something that made no sense. Until I remembered what? I can go back to when I was 3 and there is no memory from then till now of this man. I know I would remember those eyes. Then there was a flash. Like a light flickering in the back of my mind but before I could glimpse what it was it was gone and I focused on the task at hand.

“Listen, I have to get home and let out my dog, if you would like a place to stay for the night then please come on.” I tried to make my voice reflect that I was getting inpatient but don't know that it worked. Why was I failing all of a sudden? I have trained for these kinds of things for so long and now when I wanted to use them they were failing. This was going to be a long night. I will stay up and practice until I get it right.

Instead of answering he began to move closer and make his way around the SUV to the passenger door. I unlocked it and he climbed it. I watched as he slid with one swift movement into the seat and shut the door with almost no sound. I put the car back into drive and took off. The drive was quiet. He looked at me then back out the window. I tried to concentrate on the road. We were only about 20 minutes from my house and traffic was light.

“So where are you from?” I needed to hear him talk. His voice was soothing.

“I'm from everywhere.” There he goes again with the cryptic shit to avoid my question.

“Ok. How about where you were before you came here?” I wanted to get him to tell me about himself.

“I've been in your heart with you everywhere you went.” He responded as if it was the only truth.

Well this was getting annoying I had no idea what to say at this point. There must be a question that I needed to ask. I just couldn't think of what it was. I pulled onto the back road that would lead to my house.

I owned a little white house about 2 miles out of Portsmouth. I inherited it from my parents when they passed away. My aunt came to take care of me when that happened but when I turned 18 she moved out and back to her own house. She told me that now that I was an adult I needed to be on my own. Everything in the house was mine to include the house so she packed her things and went home to Mass. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. She did her best with me and gave up a lot to care for me so I wouldn't lose my parents money and home. She was there for me during the change and helped me though it all. We still talk and even see each other a couple of times a year. She knew though that we couldn't be in the same house for much longer.

I pulled into the paved driveway and into the garage. My house was one story but it was big. I had a 2 car garage on the right of my house. One side holds my SUV and the other has my street bike, my baby. Whenever I need a quick getaway that's where I go. I hop on my bike and ride. I just let my bike take me where ever. I do that a lot actually. When you walk into my house from the Garage you come into my kitchen. It's not huge but does have an island in the middle with a few chairs around it. There is a tv in the corner. I hit the button to close the garage door and unlocked the door to my kitchen. He waited behind me and held the door when I opened it. I dropped my keys on the counter and moved out of the way to let him in. He stood at the door looking around. I would have almost guessed that he had been here before the way he looked around. The look in his eyes was recognition, something that I would have to think about later.

Just then Missy came running though the hall and ran right into me. She pushed right past me and went straight for him. She stopped about as foot in front of him and just sat. I have never seen my dog act like that. She is usually friendly and even more so jumps around when new people are around. I looked at him with question and puzzlement in my eyes. He answered my look with a look of calm. I just don't get it.