Positive Signs

Positive Signs

I was eighteen. And while I should’ve been getting ready for college, I couldn’t see myself setting behind a desk for another four, six, or eight years until I could support myself financially. I needed to make money and now. So I took the first job that seemed to pay well. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I bought a car I couldn’t afford and met a girl I couldn’t please. Eventually I dumped the girl and took another job making better money, met another girl whose morals were intact and didn’t require so much so quickly. I married her. It was a most stressful time in my life and music and white lines got me through those years.

While stress was a constant companion, I could relieve some of that tension by taking road trips. Every so often I would hit the highways, roll down the windows, and crank up the music as loud as possible. I found that I could think more clearly that way. Maybe I was subconsciously heading out for another state or country. But even consciously, I could leave my problems behind. The rent and car payments, even my next meal were somehow not so important anymore. Of course I knew that I really wasn’t going far. I’d drive fifty or sixty miles until I felt ready to take on the world again, turn around, and go back to my original location. It was like a workout routine to build one’s body. I was building my mind.

I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened had my decisions been different. What if I had gone to college? Would my life have been any better? Any less stressful? Possibly. What if I had kept driving? What sort of life would I have built for myself? Leaving everything that was familiar behind. I’ll never know. Some events and situations are certainly beyond mortal control but I have arrived at my present destination by the choices that I have made, and the manner in which I have reacted to those uncontrollable events. I can scream at the cosmos all I want and it’s not going to change the condition. I chose my destiny.

Although I am pleased with how my life has turned out, there are many goals and dreams I still have for myself. I am not incapable of achieving those things because I could’ve made a wiser decision somewhere up the line. I will never achieve every objective I set for myself, but my adaptability will determine whether I will be successful. I have had failures too numerous to mention, but I have been successful. I can see that I am successful. Not by how many books I have read, or written. Not by the car I drive. I base my success on the love that surrounds me on a daily basis. With friends and family who love me, what more do I truly need?