deliverance 3

I saw Paul Kohler with Parkinson's at a nursing home. Don't ask the people there where they lived before. They don't have a home anymore.

Angry neighbor lady with three small kids doesn't talk to me or make eye contact. No pearls before swine.

I had a premonition that something was going to happen to Laverne. The next day, she fell and hit her head and she was gone.

For weeks, I felt guilty about the premonition. Then I dreamt that Mom fell down and hit her head just like Laverne. She died in the dream but she was alright and my guilt left me.

Working three days a week, waiting for retirement. Always waiting for something. Waiting for You.

Sri Daya Ma was speaking about the monks' willingness to take on any task. One of the monks said that will is sometimes all there is.

I went for a walk and took off my shirt. A neighbor girl saw me and said to her friends, "Look, that guy isn't wearing a shirt." Who was it that said the best neighbor is a fence?

George didn't appreciate me eating my breakfast in the car while I drove him to the doctor. Dream a little dream for Me.

Mr Hoffman was a substitute teacher in junior high. I accidentally bumped into him at the beginning of class. When I sat down at my desk, he pushed my desk over and knocked me on the floor.

Swamiji, expand my silence. Chasing the sun. Trying to go to bed earlier. Blessings with persecutions. Take my breathe away. Being in the world but not of the world.

World prayer at www.yogananda-srf.org. Sean and Rich, find your guru. I made a $120 pizza delivery to the Porsche dealership and didn't get a tip. At the hospital with George. My sister Laura has gotten herself in legal trouble. I'm praying.

Work is meditation. Driving too fast. I was walking past a house and a little girl began talking to me. We had a nice little chat. The next day, I walked past her house and she was hiding from me behind some bushes. Her parents must have told her not to talk to me anymore.

I got out of the car to deliver a pizza. There were two small boys standing on the sidewalk in front of the house and I said hello to them. When I got back to the car, only one boy was still there. I drove away and saw the other boy and his mother walking up the street towards me. She glared at me and asked why I had been talking to her son. Bite my tongue.

Eating outside. Cold showers in the summer. No more fasting. Getting sick on the rides at the amusement park. Walking around on a rainy jubilee day. Talking to Jim isn't worth the trouble.

I saw Phil and Brenda for the first time since I had moved out of Fred's house eight years ago. They have three little kids now. I wonder if they have heard from Nassar. He was working in Iraq last time I spoke to him. Then he stopped calling me. I hope he is alright.

"Autobiography of a Yogi," never ended for me. Half awake, not knowing what day it is. I was addicted to sunflower seeds for a few days and gave them up.

Nassar and I were waiting outside while Sean and Rich were getting dressed for Mom's funeral. The two little girls from next door were talking to us. A guy from across the street began screaming, asking why we were talking to the girls. I told him that we were an hour late for a funeral.

Ziggy didn't like my suggestion that she publish her father's memoirs on line. Glorify suffering . Melville asked for ten scribes because he couldn't stop writing. Just like Master.

Gorilla tape holding my headlight together and my sandal. Satsanga with Brahmachari James. Kriya was made for you, not you for the kriya.

Peace and well being to all. I was hiding from You for a little while. Reading only SRF. Don't let anyone see you pray. Texting You.

Waiting for sleep to come. Meditate first. Sleep or no sleep, it doesn't matter. First thought in the morning and last thought at night is, "Mother, I love You."
What are you wrestling with?

The rabbit ran down the alley. He saw something and hit the brakes. You are the one I have chosen. No such thing as time. No other gods before You.

What a dog and pony show yesterday at pizza hut for the corporate lady. Sandra the training lady laughing like a hyena.

Something pleasurable to perpetuate the species. But don't abuse it. So many tears. Trying to figure out how to do kriya before I received the initiation,

Our cat, Tippy freaked out when we moved to Hicksville. We moved away from New York four years later. Beautiful light in the spiritual eye. Write for yourself.

Rude people. Don't be a doormat. There is worry and then there is beating yourself up. A healing after ten years.

Concentrate. Don't sweat the little stuff. Every woman is Divine Mother

I was shoveling snow and slipped and fell on the ice. Two school girls saw me and were trying to hold back the laughter. I told them to go ahead and laugh. One of them told me that everyone falls down sometimes.

Don't be partisan. Our three dogs sleeping in a triangle. You don't care what I say to You as long as I keep talking.

Cindy came to visit us at the Keller house. She and her sister and niece had been fired a few months earlier. Mildred had had something to do with them getting fired. The next day, I accidentally locked Mildred out of the house in the rain. Really, it was an accident.

Nora Mae got out of the house in the middle of the night and the police brought her home. She hasn't gotten out of the house since her hip replacement.

Never say die. Locked out of the office. Put yourself in situations. Someone yelling at me. Clannish like the Amish. I'm looking at you the way you look at me. Fifty million thoughts in a lifetime.

Women. Hanuman, the monkey god. Don't visualize evil. Here is my space and there is yours. Sleeping and waking at will. Only good speech.

You give me what I need. What I don't need. In Samadhi. Thank You. Forgive them. Three quiet little boys sitting in the bank waiting for their mother. Local 308.

Marriage is not for me. Once was enough. But, that's just me. You get married.

No birth, no death. Living in the body cage. We are outside and I can see your soul. Successful lifestyle. It doesn't matter what chant you sing. Living in obscurity. Going to bed and I can't wait for tomorrow.

I had the same dream again. I am in a train or car in New York and all kinds of obstacles prevent me from reaching my destination and I never get to where I am trying to go. I just keep going around in a big circle.

Pleasing the Guru, Does anyone know how to make a left turn? Free my breathe, Mother. Burn up the ether with intensity. Grinning like a lunatic.

My head is exploding. One prayer at a time. Its Your money, not mine. Don't give a nest to your scattered thoughts. Really forgive.

Has something inside me changed? A little Self-realization. Sleeping in front of the open window. Wrestling with Janeth. You are a jealous God. You ask her out. You must have a hard heart about some things.

You listen to me. I listen to You. I am a delivery boy. No gossip. The places where I saw Mahavatar Babaji and Master. Be sincere. Regular sleep.

John delivered pizzas for Pizza Hut. He was a Mormon and went over to his church in his pizza hut uniform. Someone who worked at the church didn't know who he was and became suspicious and called the police.

The stupidest thing that I have ever done was throwing a match into an underground oil tank at the school yard. I was about seven years old and was trying to start a fire. Nothing happened and I ran home.

Daily maintenance. A little Self-realization. Don't think about food. Divine Mother doesn't like us wasting it.

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Mastery. The audacity of speech. Its go time. It doesn't feel like Saturday. Missing a nap. The end of a bar of soap.

In Los Angeles, I saw a Xerox advertisement with a picture of a pretty girl. The caption asked, "Have you seen Heather?, and there was a phone number. It took me a while to figure out that it was an ad for a cult.

Two girls delivering newspapers at 3:30 am. People acting stupid. Thank You for making me a Swamiji. The night is crying. Eternal friends.

I called Mother Center and got Brother Jayananda. I asked if I would be able to see Sri Sri Daya Ma. He said that she might be at the Lake Shrine 50th anniversary. He said that he would be there and that he wanted to meet me.

I saw him at the anniversary and introduced myself. After we went our separate ways, I noticed that he was following me.

What is the opposite of a pack rat? Someone who throws something away and needs it two weeks later.

Making me cringe. Don't be mechanical in your devotion. We're operating on Your schedule. Don't let life get your goat. Samskaras are past bad habits that cause moods.

Up at five every morning. The breeze coming through the window. Every time you meditate. Sean isn't answering my calls. Writing to You. Talking to neighbors isn't mandatory, but it would be nice. Making others wait. Making You wait. Only You fulfill.

A rose petal from a kriya ceremony around my neck. Its your body. An eternity of days. Pain simplifies things. Make the Unreal Real. Don't think like a mortal. Never betray anyone. The angels are here. Private eye. Om Babaji. Don't speed through traffic lights. Others do.

Deli at Wegmans. Customers and co-workers. Waiting at the library for a computer. Its nice when you can understand the words to a song. Swimming upstream against habits.

The prodigal son. Getting out of bed, one way or another. Waving at General Nelson. Wrestling with Janeth. I love You, Mother, reveal Thyself.

Bobby. Taking the front seat. David Ormsbee. Purity. Tense and relax when tired. You couldn't take the criticism that Master gave to Sri Daya Ma. The furniture store on York Street has been having a, "going out of business," sale for as long as I can remember.

Exercise in the sun. A bumblebee crawling around on the floor, on its last legs. Hitting the wall. Going for a drive. Perfect wallpaper. The lady next door letting her screen door slam. High tension when exercising. Writing to nobody. Obscurity.

Everything is meditation. Just like the groundhog day movie. Uplifted eyes/ The devotion of Hanuman, the monkey god. That is your space, this is mine. Three quiet little boys sitting in the bank, waiting for their mom. Why do you make such a face? I never asked You. 1:15 a.m. Everything is fine, I just can't do anything.

Yogic eye exercise. First the trial, then the blessing. Frontloading the day. You have given us the keys to the palace. It is what it is. Keep talking. Writing ten minutes a day. Not asking for anything, but I'll keep my palms open towards heaven. Flat on my back. When you are dwelling on a negative,think of something amusing that happened in the last few days. What are you looking at?

Manny and I were best friends during the summer after sixth grade. Then we started junior high and he didn't want to be friends anymore. Gurudev, were you protecting me so that I wouldn't get into trouble with him. At the kumba mela, Babaji told Lahiri Mahasaya not to criticize anyone. Laura has gotten herself into legal trouble again because of her drinking.

I was shoveling snow and fell on the ice. Two school girls saw me fall and were trying to keep from laughing. One of them said that everyone falls down sometimes. Eyes like flames. Disregard anger in others. Creativity. Slowly. You are stillness. You are silence. Receive. Forget the body. It is the enemy.

Forgive under all circumstances. Forgiveness holds the universe together. Forgive is the perpetuity of the species.

This is my blog. Don't think, be in tune. Blessings of the work day. Karma yogi. Ask You first. My private convocation every August. Immanent and transcendent. Touching the uvula with the tongue is like touching the heart. Words and actions. Loving unconditionally. I look at You. You look at me. Inactivity. No script for prayer.

The furniture store on York street has been having a going out of business sale for years. Absolute consciousness. Sacred perseverance. Meditation is not a burden.

Bobby lived three houses down from us in east meadow. East Meadow got its name because it was farmland east of Hempstead. Less is more. Minimalism.

I am dreaming about New York. I am working in a pizza place there. This goes on for quite awhile. My co-workers are involved in some kind of a money scheme and want me to take part. I go to a nearby atm machine but the entire building is gone. There is only people and rubble.

We had water bugs in our east meadow house and I was afraid of them. They were like cockroaches only bigger and some of them flew, I had dreams about them in my hair.

It only takes twenty four hours to find You. No proxies. More stillness. Make me question You. Time is a runaway freight train. A blow to vanity. Spiritual alcoholic. Burn up the ether with devotion. Successful lifestyle. In Samadhi. Aum. Aum. Aum.

When Master was a child, he dreamt that a tiger had broken his leg. He woke up crying. His mother had to tell him that that there was no tiger and his leg was not broken. The next time that he dreamt about the tiger, he knew that it was not real.

No more hey. Property consciousness. I dreamt that I was driving. After one hundred miles, I came to a big travel stop with indoor gas pumps and a chiropractor. Making a living. Useless habits. Make two trips. My ashram. You have give us the keys to the palace.

Mom took me to a free clinic to get braces for my teeth. The doctor at the clinic said that I didn't need them. Visualize the gurus. Not much difference between I can't and I don't want to.

Dreaming about a girl in New York. I am with Shawn and a small child. Shawn and I are saying goodbye and neither one of us wants to look after the child. I push her off on Shawn. This was how it was when Laura was small and we had to take care of her. Toni took care of us when we were small.

Fall is coming. Concentrate on small and large matters. Mom went to apply for a job at Lum's Hamburgers on Hempstead turnpike. They told her that they didn't hire waitresses. It was a fast food place.

I saw a small sign on a street in Los Angeles with a picture of a pretty girl. The caption asked if I had seen heather and there was a phone number. It was an ad for a cult.

Here for the duration. American capitalism and indian spirituality. the u.s. is the defender of the globe. The financial system is not working. There is no balance. What will replace it? Some form of socialism without the dogma?

twelve hours upstairs, twelve hours downstairs. Two girls in an old ford delivering newpapers at three a.m. We owned quite a few old fords.

Master said that if someone threatened to do him physical harm, he would go to his knees to try to prevent it. Not to protect himself, but to protect the other person from the karma that he would be creating for himself.

My prayers were too long during meditation. They became shorter, but I wasn't the one who shortened them. streamlined yogi. go to the mat for You. Don't make me come back. Don't let the world grind you up.

I called mother center and asked to see Sri Daya Ma. Brother Jayananda told me that she might be at the lake shrine anniversary in a few days.

Be flexible with meditation time. Keep your guard up with some people. The alarm clock is going off. For a few moments, I don't know how to turn it off. Pluses and minuses, what is the sum total of your being?

I am transmuting sexual energy into spiritual energy. I am turning it Godward to create spiritually. My greatest critic. only sleep for five hours at a time. One desire. Don't take your three day workweek for granted.

Nora mae got out in the middle of the night. the police found her in her pajamas on simpson street and brought her home. After that, I started sleeping downstairs to keep an eye on her.

thought control. my pillow looks like a sack of potatoes. Our three dogs sleeping in a triangle. You don't care what I say to you, as long as I keep talking.

Every woman is Divine Mother. Write after Kriya. Its Your tooth, not mine. close your eyes during exercises. Dreaming about when I worked at the postal service. Strain a little.

I dreamt that daddy was naked and fell from a second floor window. when I got to him, someone had covered him with a blanket. he was fine and there were people sitting casually around him listening to him. daddy liked to talk. someone said that daddy had eaten too many donuts.

do not make unimportant things important nor concentrate on trifles at the expense of vital matters. Sannyasi, stop counting your money. last dollar. Schedule time to work out karma. even kriyas. the guru is busy for you. the schoolyard down the street. five a.m., no tv.

everybody and everything is a wrestler. always a struggle. swimming upstream or downstream. Writing with a cell phone. oppressive thoughts, get out of bed - Tolstoy. Spirituality is not other worldly. it is joy.

what does it matter how you feel? driving over the wet mountains. you have choked with doubt and laziness the fountain of creative power within you. show dauntless determination in everything you do.

the triangle of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. the triangle of the gunas; tamasic, rajasic, and satvic. I don't like the person, but I have made my peace with him or her. its a different kind of peace. Be a divine kitten, happy wherever Divine Mother places you.

peoples' idiosyncrasies. our thoughts are part of Your universal thought matrix. Fearless caution. Kundalini yoga. Awake. Coming home early from work. Don't run down the hall. no hurry. Bear my lot until You make it right. the leaves are falling. sannyasi, stop counting money. mistakes. brought to our knees in devotion or desperation. You are the one I have chosen.

live your life with the certainty of deliverance after you go. my attraction to susan kept me away from someone else. well played, Master. say your prayer twice or pay attention the first time. pain or no pain, it doesn't matter. I am the same. waiting to do Kriya. Surrender, surrender. don't twist Your arm. really forgive them. We are Your kids.

really working for You. a blow to vanity. time is a runaway freight train. kahla running from a butterfly. eating slower. no resting point, no plateau. marino's family. fearless of hard work and fatigue. deja vu. Pick up the phone. uprooting. really listen. rasa is the Sanskrit word for essence. You are messing with me. purification.

don't be discouraged if the mind wanders during meditation. cpr done to the beat of "staying alive." every thought brings me back to You. Master's telescope. happiness through helping others. take criticism silently, even when unjust. a grin lowers the heart rate even more than a smile. Happiness is your birthright.

the angry neighbor lady next door with four small kids who doesn't speak. sometimes she glares. her husband is the same. no pearls before swine. my concept of You is light. I don't anything except one thing. taking care of Your garden. whatever comes out of Your mouth. grandma's birthday is November 9th.

halfway to winter. sean and rich were young again. we were at a hotel on vacation. I found out that shawn and rich were keeping something from me. they had become very close and shawn wanted to have custody of rich every other day. I stayed calm for a while and then shouted at shawn that I was rich's father.

do it now.one prayer at a time. patience. You test the most, those that You heal the most, those that You love the most. only the present is real. exercise. be the least. contacting the guru. it doesn't feel like Saturday. really thankful. answer with your eyes. forget the past. it is Thou that directly sustains the body. Good will to all.

live your life with the certainty of liberation hereafter. ram gopal said that he hadn't done much. kriya removes fear. I am going to meditate because You are waiting for me. brooding, brooding. hands at the spiritual eye. wave to their souls. be regular in meditation. going deep in mediation is Your responsibility.

stay on the road. eveyrday, do some you were told that you couldn't do. who tells you that? I decided to floss better. soon, I had to have six teeth pulled. what a joke that You are playing on us. living to witness.