Slipped

I cannot scream, I cannot move, I am suspended, surrounded by the heaviness of water.
The saying is "Your life passes before your eyes." as you die. I will have to disagree somewhat to that bullshit. My actions and the pain I have caused is here with me now.

The pleasure I had received from chasing that young women many years ago is now a discomfort beyond me. I can hear her heart racing, feel her fear as I got closer to her. The sounds of her last breath when I slit her throat ringing in my ears. My body feeling her demise. The swiftness of my blade feels like slow torture to me now. I thought she had died quickly, but I can now feel she did not.

I was out here dumping my latest victim, I buried him about a half mile west of this river that is now my death bed. I was walking back, wondering if he would be just another statistic of a missing person. Stupid me, reveling in my delight. I wasn't paying attention and slipped into this running river. I know I broke my arm trying to save myself, I could hear my bone snap. The sharp pain caused me to react, instead of getting myself to safety I floated away. Now I am stuck pinned in a never ending whirl of water. I should be dead, yet I am not seeing my life but feeling it.

I had loved my blade, its curve slowly slimming down to the ivory handle. It was my weapon of choice. The power I felt with each slice and stab was erotic to me. It gave me such a high I couldn't wait to do it again. Hearing them scream and beg was enticing. Nothing else gave me that much pleasure. I was one short of my goal damn it. A bakers dozen, my lucky number thirteen. I will have to stay here suspended I think, reliving the pain I caused on each and every one of my victims.

I can feel a stab in my back, damn that is number two. He was a cocky bastard. Daring and taunting me. I can hear his words now "Go ahead you piece of filth, get it over with."
I had tied him face inward to a tree, wrapping his arms around the trunk like the tree huger he was. He thought he was better then most, even while I carved into his skin he never begged for his life. Now I can really feel how terrified he was. My heart pounding like his did. The pain of my blade as I slowly tortured him to death. Fuck, I want to scream. The feeling of his warm blood running down his skin is now my agony. It feels sticky, I can smell the pungent scent of his sweat. I had such pleasure making him suffer.

As the moments seem like hours with each death I am wondering when my end will come. I can't say I wish I hadn't created the horrors I did to those people. I liked it, I desired the feeling of the complete power. I wanted it to never end. Life is a thrill ride, I chose the dark side of it. Well, maybe it chose me, a destiny for myself. To fulfill my desire that others would see as evil. I had just felt pleasure, no concern for tomorrow, just satisfaction of the beautiful moments with my blade.

A sudden ache in my foot tells me it's my next victim. I had started with a stab through her foot, the little bitch thought she could run faster then me. I tackled her and showed her who's in charge. I can now hear her yelp like a wounded dog, feel the sharpness through my left foot. My head pounding as I slid my knife up her body to her throat. The coldness that ran through her is causing me to now shiver. Her thoughts are in my head, she knows she is going to die. She hopes it is quick, funny I granted her last wish as I pushed my knife through her. I can feel I just pierced the bottom of her heart. The warmth of her blood filling up my chest, choking a moment, then she is done.

I am guessing this is my punishment, yet I don't really seem to care. It is uncomfortable and sometimes unbearable. Yet, I am still suspended here. Destined to feel every ounce of emotional grief and physical pain. Topped off with the thoughts of my victims. The smells and sounds like a cherry atop of a sundae.

So instead of "Your life flashes before your eyes." The saying should be "The pain you caused is felt." It might redirect the way some people live, but not me. I would not change what I have done, I am feeling good about being true to who I was. I will not be guilt-ed through this pain. I will not admit I am evil. What I did may be wrong to others, but for me it was right.

My head is ringing now, ooh yea the next ones turn. I knocked him out with a hammer to his head, he was so stupid he needed some sense knocked into him. Man that was a loud thud....which one is this, number four? I think so, eight more lovely experiences to go.