Skitterdimdamji

Jason Miller hated school.

He hated schoolwork, he hated having to sit through class and he hated teachers most of all. They always seemed to be going on and on about a bunch of things that nobody in the real world cared about. Right now, he was in English class and his teacher, Ms. Cierski, was droning on about Shakespeare. Shakespeare. If there was one thing that Jason hated, it was Shakespeare.

"Now, listen up, class. This is important," said Ms. Cierski. "We are about to read the work of the single greatest playwright ever."

A moan passed through the class. And Jason couldn't resist saying, "Says who?"

"Excuse me, Mr. Miller?" Ms. Cierski was indignant.

"You said that Shakespeare was the greatest playwright ever. Who decided that?"

Ms. Cierski looked taken aback by the question. "Well. . .everyone."

Jason decided not to be satisfied with that answer. "I don't. And aren't I everyone?"

The class laughed, but Ms. Cierski was not amused. For a minute, it looked like she was going to clobber Jason right there on the spot, but then she smiled, in a way that almost looked evil. "Mr. Miller, you have just volunteered for an assignment." The class laughed again, but Jason had the feeling that this time it was at his expense. "Do you see this monologue on page 65 of your textbook? It's from Macbeth.Well, I want you to study it and be prepared to read it to the class tomorrow."

Jason gulped. "In front of the entire class?"

"Yes, in front of the entire class," said Ms. Cierski coldly. "What's wrong?" she said with mock surprise. "Don't tell me you're too shy."

Jason didn't want to admit it, but he was too shy. In fact, he felt scared.

* * *

Jason was still worrying about this on the way home from school. It didn't help when he ran into a group of three boys. One of them was Micheal Bronstein, the very boy whose torment Jason dreaded. "Hey," called out Micheal, "it's Jason! You know, he's gonna be reading Shakespeare in front of the English class tomorrow."

"Cool," said another boy named Peter, "I wish I were in that class. Maybe, you can sneak your phone into class and record it."

"Good idea," said Micheal, "maybe we can put it on Youtube."

Oh boy, this was worse then Jason thought.

"So anyway, what's this play about?" asked another boy.

"How should I know?" asked Micheal sounding insulted that anyone would think he knew about Macbeth.

"I think it's about witches," said Jason.

"Oh," said Peter, "well then I guess this is a good place for you."

For a minute, Jason didn't understand what Peter was talking about. Then, he realized that they were passing by Old Lady Critchley's house.

Old Lady Critchley. Nobody in the town knew much about her except that she was old and mean. For years, she had lived all by herself in this house, but nobody except her had ever come in or gone out. Some people even said she was a witch.

Before Jason could think about this anymore, he heard Micheal cry out, "It's her!" Immediately, Peter, Micheal, and the others turned and ran away.

Jason might have turned and run too, but something stopped him. Old Lady Critchley was walking up the path to her house with two large bags of groceries in her arms. "Stupid kids!' she said in a voice that was meant to be heard by all around. She looked at Jason. "What do you want?"

Jason shrugged. "I'm not sure, but well. . .would you like some help with those bags."

"Hmmph! You know they say I'm a witch. If that's true, don't you think I could carry these bags with magic or something?"

Jason decided to take that as a refusal. "All right. Bye." He started to walk away.

"Wait!" said the woman swallowing her pride. "If you really want to help, come on."

Jason took one of the bags and followed her into the house.

Later, Jason couldn't say exactly what he expected to find in her house, but he wasn't prepared for what he saw. The entire sitting room was filled with posters, framed newspaper articles and trophies. When Jason looked more closely at the items, he saw that the posters were from plays and the articles were theater reviews. "Never mind all that," said Old Lady Critchley. "Just bring the groceries into the kitchen."

Jason couldn't help looking more closely at one of the pictures, it showed a handsome woman dressed in an old fashioned dress. She somehow looked familiar and the caption read, "Mary Critchley as Gertrude."

"I told you to come into the kitchen," snapped Old Lady Critchley.

"I'm sorry," said Jason quickly bringing the groceries into the kitchen and setting them down on the counter. He couldn't resist asking. "Is that you? Mary Critchley?"

Her features seemed to soften a bit. "I was quite the looker back then, wasn't I? Yes, I was a Shakespearean actress. One of the best, if I do say so myself."

"Oh, Shakespeare," said Jason.

"Yes, Shakespeare," said Old Lady Critchley. "What's so terrible about that?"

"Nothing. It's just I have to read some Shakespeare in front of my English class tomorrow."

"Really? What is it, may I ask?"

"From Macbeth. "Tomorrow and Tomorrow. . ."

"Ah," said Old Lady Critchley. "Well, let's hear it."

"Excuse me?"

"If you're going to read it in class tomorrow, why don't you get it out and read it. We'll see how you do."

Jason wasn't sure he liked the idea of reading to this woman, but he reached in his backpack for the monologue and began to read.

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow creeps by at its petty pace. . .Life is but a poor player that struts and frets upon the stage and then is heard no more. . ."

When he got to the end, Ms. Critchley was looking at him coldly. "That," she said, "was absolutely horrid."

"I know. Shakespeare's boring. It makes no sense."

"No, Shakespeare was a genius. You're boring. Do you see how there are punctuation marks in the monologue?"

"Yes."

"Well, then read the punctuation. Don't pause at the end of every line. Pause where the periods and commas are."

Jason tried it that way. When he was done, he felt differently and Ms. Critchley was smiling. "How did that feel?" she asked.

"Better. The first time it made no sense."

"And now?"

"It. . .still makes no sense, but it sounds real cool."

"Exactly," said Ms. Critchley laughing a little for the first time. "But make no mistake, there is important sense in these words." She became quiet again. For a minute, she stared into space. Then she spoke quietly, "Tomorrow and Tomorrow creeps by at its petty pace. . .Life is but a poor player who struts and frets upon the stage and then moves to the suburbs where she is heard no more."

"That's not how it goes," said Jason.

"You're right," she smiled. "Sometimes I can't resist a little improvisation. Anyway, I hope you perform well tomorrow."

"I hope so," said Jason nervously.

It made her look at him differently. "Are you scared?"

"No," said Jason realizing that he sounded unconvincing.

"Don't lie to a witch."

"You're not really a witch."

"Who says?" said Ms. Critchley smiling again. "In fact, I'll prove it to you. I'm going to teach you a magic spell which can make any actor give a superb performance."

"Really?"

"Yes, Skitterdimdamji."

"Skitterdimdamji?"

"Yes, what you need to do is say that three times before you perform."

"You're pulling my leg," said Jason.

"Do I look like a leg puller?" The funny thing was that now she did look like a leg puller. Her smile was much brighter then Jason had ever seen it. "Trust me," she said, "it never fails." Then, she did something unexpected. She leaned over and kissed Jason on the cheek.

* * *

The next day at English class, Jason was a nervous wreck. He said, "Skitterdimdamji" five or six times to himself just to be on the safe side. He almost hoped that Ms. Cierski would forget about his reading, but Micheal Bronstein reminded her.

"I wouldn't have forgotten, Micheal," said Ms. Cierski in an annoyed voice. She looked at Jason, "Are you ready?"

Jason wasn't ready, but he walked to the front of the room murmuring "Skitterdimdamji, Skitterdimdamji." Then, he started to read, "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow creeps by at its petty pace. . ." As he started to read, his voice got louder and he felt more confident. By the time, he got to, "signifying nothing," the entire class was enthralled.

The class applauded. The only person who looked unimpressed was Micheal who might have been disappointed that his video wouldn't embarrass Jason. "That was very good," said Ms. Cierski.

"Thank you," Jason blushed.

Mrs. Cierski then went on to give her own reading of a speech from Lady Macbeth. Jason sat through it patiently. Towards the end, he couldn't help raising his hand. Ms. Cierski read through to the end, before she looked at him and said, "What is it, Jason?"

"Well, you're reading it wrong." A giggle passed through the class. "You see, you're not supposed to pause at the end of every line like that. You should read the punctuation and only pause when there's a period or a comma."

Ms. Cierski looked displeased, but the class never got to hear her answer, because the bell rang. As he was leaving the classroom, he couldn't resist stopping by Ms. Cierski's desk and saying, "Also, you might want to try saying, 'skitterdimdamji' three times before you give a reading next time." Then he hurried out. He was eager to get to Ms. Critchley's house. He had a lot to tell her.

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