How on Earth (427 words)

  How on earth can I feel so lost. It has never ceased to be a mystery to me. Punch after punch, kick after kick, my usual method of violence does nothing to fill the void.  And as usual it was blood that brought me out of my trance. I glanced at the building crimson liquid intermingling almost beautifully in contrast with the sand before I realized that I had once again put another hole in in the punching bag. My mind hadn't registered the pain of the lightly tanned skin on my knuckles being split open. I've always felt that those moments between damage being done to your body and when your mind realizes the pain of it, is where humans are at their strongest. We can hear at a distance further than normal, our sight increases ten fold, and our minds become faster than the world's most advanced super computer. Why this happens I don't know. But I do know that this feeling comes and goes for me. I re-wrap my hands after showering and cleaning off the blood. As I leave the rundown little boxing studio I put fifteen dollars on the desk in the office off to the side of the well worn boxing ring. I step out into to the cool fall night in October and pull up the hood on my cotton royal blue hoodie. The sidewalks are wet with day old rain as I drudge back to my apartment. This is the part that I hate the most. Walking back. Fatigue wraps itself around me, making my limbs sluggish and nearly unresponsive. I was brought out of my weary haze of pain by a sharp crack and a cry for help. Suddenly I'm a machine. My legs are gas burning pistons as I charge down the alley toward 2 men dressed in rags over a unconscious young girl. No words are exchanged. We all know how this is going to go down. I quickly duck under the first guy's bat swing and bring my palm up as I straighten his elbow. The results are a gruesome example of the way an elbow shouldn't bend. He goes down screaming in pain. My jaw explodes and I'm tasting blood. I look my assailant in the eye and a feral grin finds its way across my bruise blossoming cheeks. I suddenly realize that this moment is where I belong. It's where I thrive, where I'm strongest. I'm alive. I may not understand how I got here. But how on earth did I not realize it sooner.