Rapping the Bean Stalk Part One

Author's Notes: this was one of the first things I wrote. It was never intended to be published and created purely as a sort of writing exercise that combined a number of genres: Poetry, rap and short story. I realise that Jack and the Bean stalk has probably been done to death but I thought (at the time) it would be fun to give it a rap motif. It generally follows the same type of rhythmic beat as Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five's "Don't push me 'cause I am close to the edge" rap (perhaps showing my age a bit now but back then they were still quite popular). Anyhow I've broken it up in two parts to make it easier to digest. Any feedback (positive or otherwise ) would be appreciated). So without any further ado here's my 1980's rap version of Jack and the Beanstalk (aka Rapping the Beanstalk).
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Once upon a time lived a boy named Jack
Lived half a mile from the railway track
His mother wasn’t rich; in fact she was poor,
Wrote I.O.U.s to the grocery store.

Now one-day Jack’s Mother she say
“Jack-go down to the knackers today
And sell the mule: The one in the yard"
Poor old Jack took the news hard.

“Please I beg you not to get rid of the mule,
It’s been my friend since I started school!”
He pleaded and sobbed, and felt quite robbed
Kicked dirt with his shoes and gave another sob.

“I’m sorry there Jack but we need the money
We’re all out of bread and all out of honey.”
So with his head hung low he said to the mule
“You’re days are numbered friend, off to the kill.”

Both were silent as out the gate they walked
Little was said and nothing talked.
The poor old mule sensed that things were wrong,
As Jack started whistling a death-march song.

Now after awhile to the market they come,
Both were sweating from the sun
Jack dawdled over to where they skin the mules.
There sat a man with his tanning tools.

“Jack my boy, what’s going down?”
“You reckon this mule will fetch a crown?”
The tanner looked the mule up and down,
Shook his head “Ain’t worth half a crown.”

"Please kind sir, it’s money we need
Our family’s large, lots of mouths to feed"
“Sorry there, Jack, but it’s not my fault,
If your stupid mule’s got a shabby coat.”

He tried other people, but same result
No one wanted a mule with a shabby coat
Without a sale, there'd be nothing to eat
Then all of a sudden this old man he meet.

“Excuse me there boy, a second of your time.”
Said the old man, reeking of wine
“A fine mule you have, what a fine beast,
Worthy of owning, I’d say, or hiring at least.

“I don’t suppose you want to sell the thing?”
But Jack retorted: “It ain’t a thing!”
“Look I’ve got no money-but something keen;
How’d you like to have yourself a magic bean?”

“Its money we need," said Jack "And we need it today"
“Maybe two or three, what do you say?”
“No, kind sir, see-we’re really poor.
Pay money instead, I implore!”

“Listen here kid; they’ll make you money,
In no time at all, you’ll be eating bread and honey.”
So after a humming and a haring and a little bit of sighs,
The mule became the old man’s prize.

Jack snatched the beans and back home he ran
To tell his Mother about the ‘Get rich plan’
He showed the beans and told the tale
But she blew him up like a terrible gale.

She took the beans and threw them outside
Then took a hickory switch to poor jack’s hide
“You little monster, you silly fool,
You must have been mad, to trade beans for a mule!”

The very next day, out the window Jack looked,
Eyes budging out like an egg over-cooked.
Where the beans had landed a stalk had grown
Higher than any bird had ever flown.

Jack rushed out and started a beanstalk climbing.
Came across a squirrel; upon a bean, reclining.
At last, below him, was nothing but cloud.
He thought of his efforts and felt quite proud.

Then all of a sudden he reached the top
Felt so exhausted, he did a fainting flop.
When he came round again, in a strange land he was,
The clouds were eatable, like candyfloss.

Jack, he searched, and he did explore,
Gave himself a personal tour.
He found lolly bushes to eat and stones to kick,
Chocolate flowers to munch and ice-cream trees to lick.

“I reckon this is the life, the life for me,
Don’t have to do as I’m told, oh  boy- I’m free!”
Then just as everything seemed to be going his way
A giant appeared, to his dismay.

The giant looked big, big as a house
Jack trembled and cringed, like a cornered mouse.
Jack thought quickly and dove in a creek,
With a booming voice the giant, he did speak.

“Feedy, fidey foedy fum,
I smellith blood from an Englishman.
Be he alive, or be he dead,
I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.”

Now the giant he started to look around,
Jack was quiet; didn’t make a sound
Finally the giant gave up looking
And started back home, to do some cooking.

With curiosity, Jack began to tag behind,
Had to run to keep up, but didn't mind.
The giant he opened the door with a shove;
Upon each hand was a leather glove.

The door slammed shut with a mighty ‘crash!’
Puffing and panting, Jack slowed his dash.
He managed to squeeze through a gap in the door,
Then scampered across the unswept floor.

The giant, he sat and kicked off a boot,
Whilst his dear old wife cooked pumpkin soup.
Jack was quiet, quiet a s a mouse;
Best watch yourself, in a giant’s house.

Suddenly the giant spotted poor little Jack,
Grabbed the boy, nearly broke his back.
Jack, he struggled with fits of rage,
The giant just laughed and hurled him in a cage.



(to be continued - will Jack escape? find out if you can be bothered, in Part Two)