My dilemma

As a parent I am continually finding myself wishing that some higher power would have appeared to me the day I became a parent. This being of extraordinary power would have presented me with a book entitled "How to be a Parent 101".

When children are small you revel in how much they need you, how much they rely upon you for everything that they need. Clothing, changing diapers, feeding, playing, learning, and attention. Babies need it all in order to survive, and without a mommy or daddy to care, nurture and do for them they would not survive. As your child progresses in age you begin to see the first steps to walking, talking, and of course the spitting of food they realize that they dont like. You find them beginning to explore their surroundings more than they did, and using their voice to try communicating more often.

Then their age progresses once again and they have probably successfully learned to count to 10 or 20, they can just about or can tie their own shoes. Their first day of school is around the corner and you find yourself thinking, where did my little baby go? What happened to the burping after feeding, the "binkie" or pacifier? What happened to the smiling giggly faces and happy little baby you used to have? Is my baby going to be ok gone from me for that first day of school?

Yet again we fast forward through time and your baby is now a young teen. Regardless if it is a boy or a girl puberty rears its ugly head. Your baby now begins to have thoughts of that young boy, or girl down the street and begins to notice "hot" boys, or girls on tv and in movies or while out and about. You find yourself thinking..."we better have that talk about the birds and the bees pretty soon". Not realizing that the kids in school have probably already blown that discussion for you with your child. Or that the child has picked up far more from movies, tv, or music than the lyrics.

We now take only a small hop forward to your little baby who is now around 15 or 16. We have all been that age before. We can all remember when we thought we knew the answers to everything. No adult knew better than we did. Nobody was going to tell us how or what to do if we didn't want to, and darn it, we were going to do whatever we damn well please and to heck with the consequences. Your children now begin to want an expensive cell phone and their toys are much more expensive than that little toy popping lawn mower they would push around as a toddler. Your child is beginning to also want to get a learners permit for driving or go to driving school. Your child wants to work, and go out with someone on dates.

Now we advance a little further and your little baby is at their commencement and is graduating from school. Hopefully they are set and ready to go to a great school to continue their education. Hopefully they are set when it comes to funding for said school. If not then this whole time you have been raising this baby you have also been working your tail off to pay for the childs future education as well. Hopefully your child has made it to this step in their life without any major pitfalls in life before hand.

Briefly we will rewind to the 15-16 age range, and here is the dilemma for which I named this work. My son, aged 16 as of may 21st has turned into the biggest inconsiderate uncaring little punk I have ever had the displeasure to see. He has nothing but disregard for law enforcement, the judicial system, and his step mom. He lays his hands on his brothers and sisters, and curses at the smallest slight, imagined or not. I have since had to go and have him registered within the court system as incorrigible. He lies, steals, cheats, is very forward with the girls at school in his age group, and wont hesitate to run away if even the slightest chance. His biological mother walked out on his sister and I approximately 4 years ago this month. Since then she has seen them one time and that was Christmas 4 years ago. He wants to go stay with her but hates her....odd to say the least. She has told him he can quit school whenever he feels like doing so, while I refuse to give him permission to do so. I have full custody of him and she is forced to pay me support for our two children. He no longer wishes to live under my rules eg; get passing grades, dont steal, dont lie, dont cheat, do your chores, etc.

He curses under his breath at me, and refuses to do damn near anything for me. His court date approaches and I find myself withdrawing into myself more, and more. I realize ive lost my child i raised, and it has devastated me inside. So....in order to get off my chest everyhting built up inside me, ive posted it here hoping that someone elsewhere went through everything ive mentioned above and may have some helpfull advice to give me...I am in a dilemma....with no way out of this that looks good from here...