Toxic

Author's Note: On my writing / work blog this morning I received an anonymous message that read "Romantic Drabble Prompt (Under 500 Words): You track down an ex wanting to get back together and find out they're getting married." I don't know where it came from, but I typed up the following response and had it posted within the hour. Not sure why I decided to share it here - probably just because it's so different from what I usually write and upload, maybe just to encourage my followers to send me more random prompt requests like this. It was fun to do, but I'm probably not going to do anything with it or include further edits.


Toxic

I miss him, even after all this time. I guess that’s why I'm so willing to answer when he calls, and why I drop everything to go see him when he asks.

There was a time when I would have done anything for him, and even now I’m putting my own plans aside just on the off chance he’ll be happy when he sees me. He is. He smiles when he opens the door. We talk. The conversation comes naturally, easily, wonderfully. He’s aging well, so strong and handsome. I love him, still.

The way he looks at me makes my heart pound harder in my chest. I think of all the times we spent together. I want more than anything to call him mine again.

He’s getting married, he tells me. He shows me a picture of her and it shatters me. She’s pretty, far prettier than I ever could be. I wonder if he can see past her looks, if he even knows what sort of person she is under that perfect shell. I wonder if it would even matter. It comes back to me now how shallow he always was, is, will probably always be.

She’s pregnant, too.

He tells me he’s having doubts. He brushes my hair back. He leans in. I think he might kiss me and I hate how badly I want that. I remember the child that he has on the way, and the mother of that child – his bride to be.

She loves him, probably. She's out there somewhere loving him, calling him her own, believing he'll be here for her when she gets back. I'm sure she wouldn't be expecting me - just the future father of her child.

I wish for a moment that I could be the one he’s with. The moment is fleeting. I wish then to kiss him anyway, but that too fades away. I feel sorry for her, and that's the emotion that sticks. He’s toxic.

I remember that about him all at once and it's staggering. I could never recall the bad things before, but suddenly they're all there - and they're painting a picture of him that is different from the perfect one I've been living with all these years. My feelings for him become instantly more manageable when I see him truly for what he is.

I love him still, but there's an edge to that love, a bitterness. I don't know how I could have forgotten some things, the lying, the infidelity, the heartache. I remember how inferior he used to make me feel, how he enjoyed being better, and in this moment I'm not sure how I could have ever forgotten. It doesn't matter, because I remember now.

I pull away before our lips can meet. It’s time for me to leave. I’m better off, and I know it, even if it continues to hurt this much forever.