Haunted Love

It was a dark and stormy night, that's how ghost stories are supposed to start right? Well not this one, I am not the one. My name is Kate Johnson and I have been assigned to haunt a mansion that sits up on a hill. Crap another stereotype, really? Makes me madder than Donald Trump finding out his burger was from McDonalds.

Everything was fine, quiet until the reality stars moved in. Stacey and Jake had been on one of those dating shows where a guy sleeps with 90 women but claims to have fallen in love with just one of them, in 13 weeks.

"Oh my God, this is so, like, creepy." Stacey commented to the camera that was following her around. Her blond hair was teased more than a Duggar girl's boyfriend. She flashed a smile to the camera and then "Who knew that a billionaire could fall in love with a blue collar girl? I mean he choose me over all of those other women. It's a miracle."

Or a ratings ploy. Depends on what she means by miracle. Sometimes words mean different things to different people. My brain stopped working and the train jumped the tracks when Jake walked in. On TV he was gorgeous but in person he was breathtaking. The swells of his chest strained the flimsy material of the T-shirt he was wearing. His lips were as red as apples and as puffy as a marshmallow. "Hi everyone!"

He blew past his girlfriend and set the bags down. When he bent over, I got a peek at the buns and let me tell you a hot dog would get lost in there. I thought about smacking that ass, when the human equivalent of road kill said, "Don't I get a kiss honey?"

His face contorted into a mask of horror. Until he saw the cameras, then he gave her a huge smile and kissed her. My mission became clear, I needed to break them up. Sure it would be another failure for the show, but I didn't see how that was my problem. His angelic voice distracted me for a moment, "Have you seen the ghost? I am anxious to know what we're in for!"

I was anxious to see Jakey in the shower. The thought of him naked and soapy made me steamy. Once again the nasally sound of Stacey's voice broke my fantasy, "God, I hope it's not some old woman or something."

Instead of doing something petty like pulling down her pants or putting rubber cement in her shampoo, I decided to have the chandelier crash down on her. There was nothing better than showing empty headed toothpicks who was boss. As it fell towards the ground, I could not wait to see how hurt she would get.

Once it hit the floor, and the sound of the glass shattering and spreading across the floor stopped, I looked to see my handy work. Jake was standing by the fireplace, fear in his eyes. Stacey was on the floor, her hair fanned around her head. For a moment I thought she was dead but then she sat up and opened her mouth. "This place is haunted, but I bet the ghost isn't all that scary."

I made my way back to the ground and revealed myself. Shock filled Jake's eyes. Stacey stood with her mouth agape. "Boo, bitch!"

"You are old!"

"And a gravel road has more brains than you!" She looked at me appalled. It's so ghostist to expect all ghosts to be young, male, and frightening. Some of us just want to see hot guys naked, and have no tolerance for the bs.

After a few hours of posing for the camera, the house went quiet. It was interesting that Jake and Stacey went to their own rooms. Outside of filming they barely spoke. Jake seemed to run away from his 'girlfriend' whenever the cameras weren't around.

I found him in his room, laying on his bed. His shirt was by the side of the bed. His thick arms crossed over his chest. "I am not in the mood to be haunted or taunted."

"Why are you with her. It's clear you don't like her."

"Because I'm being paid to be with her. She's not interesting, she adds nothing to the conversation."

"You can choose to leave. You can choose to be with someone who stimulates more than your package." This got a wry smile out of him. He sat up and looked at me, sadness in his eyes.

"You're a crazy broad, you know that. If you weren't dead I might take you out for a drink or two."

"Please! I could out drink Charlie Sheen on his best night." It was a moment when I wanted to wrap my arms around him, and not for a perverted reason. When my husband died, I was lost without him. Until James Dean took his shirt off.

Something compelled me to leave Jake and go to Stacey's room. There I found her playing with a name tag, and talking to herself. "It sucks that no one knows who I really am. All they see is the stupid blonde with big boobs. Why can't they see underneath the fade."

It was impressive that she knew the word fade. And another thought ran through my mind, this girl was an actress. All she wanted was her big break, and to be loved by the real life GI Joe in the other room. "Maybe you should show them your true self instead of hiding."

"You don't know what it's like. I am paid to do these things, and it's the best acting gig I can get."

"Do you love Jake?"

"Yes. He's the best guy I have ever met."

"Then stop with the dumb act and be real. Jake doesn't like dumb blondes or Jessica Simpson."

Never again will I watch a reality show. Unless one of the hot guys take their shirts off.