My Love

Tim wakes up in bed. He lies there for a moment giving his mind time to become clear and alert. The first thought to enter his head is of a recent session he had with his psychiatrist Dr. Latham.

(During the session Tim was sitting quietly, not making eye contact with the Doctor.
Dr. Latham: So, how have you been Tim?
Tim: Not good. I have not been feeling good at all.)

Tim rolls his head to the side and sees his wife Lisa lying next to him still fast asleep.

(Dr. Latham: Those complicated feelings for you wife are still present?
Tim sheepishly nodded his head Yes.
Dr. Latham: Love and Hate are so closely tied to one another sometimes it can be easy to confuse the two.
Tim: No. That’s not what this is.)

Tim gets out of bed and looks back down at Lisa sleeping. She looks beautiful and peaceful.

(Tim: I love Lisa. I know I do she’s My Everything. I look at her and I’m struck by her beauty and her love and I feel safe and wonderful. But then it’s like a shade drops over her and everything changes.)

Tim continues to stare down at Lisa expressionless and then goes into his closet.

(Tim: It’s like I no longer see Her anymore. She’s gone and replaced with this Thing. And all the feelings I had twist and turn into something ugly. It’s a deep desire to make this Thing no longer exist. Not just in my life but in the world.)

Tim crouches down and grabs a lockbox that’s hidden deep in the back of the closet. He unlocks it and takes out a Colt Calvary revolver, loads one bullet, and spins the barrel. He then walks back to his bed.

(Dr. Latham: Do you remember our conversation about Fear of Settling? When someone has had a life of frequent trauma they find it difficult sometimes to settle and accept positive things happening in their lives. They don’t want to get attached because they’re terrified of it ending or being taken away from them. Do you think maybe this is what’s feeding the conflicting feelings about Lisa?
Tim reflected on this question.)

Tim stands on Lisa’s side of the bed and points the gun right at her head as she continues to sleep.

(Dr. Latham: How would you feel if she were suddenly taken away from you? Would you be relieved or heartbroken?
Tim: I don’t know.
Dr. Latham: Well, I suggest you figure that out.)

Tim’s heart skips a beat as he pulls the trigger on the gun and hears an empty Click. In that moment he finds himself relieved. He looks down at Lisa with new eyes. A wave of gratitude and happiness washes over him and he walks back to the closet to put the gun away. He takes the single bullet out that was now sitting in the firing chamber looks at it and says to himself...
Tim: Not today.

(Dr. Latham: Here’s my homework for you. It’s simple. Find a way to appreciate your life and your wife. Because it’s true, it could end at any moment. So find a way to be gracious that you have what you now and make the most of it. Find a way to appreciate it and make that a part of your everyday routine.)

Tim slips back into bed quietly just as Lisa is beginning to stir and awaken. She opens her eyes and smiles at Tim.
Lisa: Good Morning. What do you want to do today?
Tim gives her a big affectionate smile back.
Tim: Whatever you want My Love, it’s Your day.

End.