Randolph, the Redneck Ringer

         Randolph, the redneck ringer,
         is a very jolly soul,
         clangin' his bell in front of Walmart store
         while dippin' from his can of Skoal.

Brother Billy Bob stays back in the hills,
guarding moonshine still with great care
to keep the Feds away from there,
so we will have the cash to pay our bills.

Grandma sells top rate corn likker
in jugs, concealed beneath the wreaths
in the bed of our old Dodge pickup truck,
to cotton pickers and city slickers.

         Randolph, the redneck ringer,
         can be a very rowdy chap,
         the spittin' image of his pap
         in bib overall and John Deere cap.

Grandpa kicks back in his La-Z-Boy
and watches rasslin' on Channel 3,
while sippin' his arthritis remedy,
which brings him a great deal of joy.

Cuzzin Carly caused quite a stir
when she roared up on her Harley hog,
lookin' to snag a lonely bachelor
with a dose of her special eggnog.

         Randolph, the redneck ringer,
         gets his kicks from watching chicks,
         all decked out in Spandex leotards
         and ready to drain their credit cards.

Uncle Elmo bought a thirty-aught-six
to use for target practice out in the sticks.
On Christmas day, we all partake
a family feast of venison steaks.

Sheriff Jake stopped by to investigate
a missing person report.
It seems that Santa Claus is rather late
returning from his trip. What a worry wart!

         Randolph, the redneck ringer,
         is a very lucky guy,
         who works in front of Walmart store
         instead of tending pigs in stinky sty.