On 24th Birthday

Dear Papa,
I know it's a little bit weird to address you anything on my 24th birthday,
It was also your age when you first share the joy of being a young father,
And it's been 24 years.
Nothing has yet been changed,
As you said you were,
A boy chasing after the sunset, the rainbow, the moonlight,
Across the woods,
Under that broken roof.

I have been expecting some sort of reconciliation between you and me,
For all those years that have passed,
The growing ages lying between us,
Leaft us apart from whom we didn't want to be.
I didn't want to be your girl,
And you didn't want to be that boy anymore.
It's not until this point of my life that I start to know,
There's something to be called fate,
That would finally take us to meet together
When we gradually would find a chance to know
Who we are.

Dad, it's raining outside,
I don't know if it was like so,
When I first came to this world.
It seems that there has been lacking some sunlight in my life,
That I seem to be born introverted,
Awkward and timid when I was blended up with anyone else.
But there was a time that I haven't learned how to envy,
I used to admire you,
When you told me about your story at my age then
Used to be a brave boy
That being fearless about the world
Fought for funny reasons like a warrior.

Children's world was ridiculous,
I have always known that,
Even when I was at an age
Which is supposed to be innocent
And you never told me any reasons either.
You know that very well.

But I start to dislike you
When you tried to tell me everything
About the world
With reasons
I know you don't even live that way
We were quite alike
I have found this
When I found myself living in the vacuum of life
And I lost my sound

I have passed by thousands of people from the world
They were like you
And I never ask them
Why are we living in this world
Why are you passing by from my life.

I hate it when it rains.
I hate it when the noises of those poplar leaves came into my ear
I hate it when you do absurd things like a loving papa
And let those wind and rains hurt you
Without letting me know
I hate it that
You have forced yourself to be a father
For sheltering
For bearing
For anything hiding yourself back that name
My father.
I hate it.

But when life gradually reveals that,
We can never refuse to be someone that we once hated.
Fate has led us to encounter at this point
And I must get prepared of what I didn't expect to embrace
I can't know how it feels when you firstly held me in your arms
That must be strange
As a stranger intruding into your life
Sorry for that
But that's what I am about to do in my near future.

It was quite interesting that
When people are struggling at not choosing a destiny
They have already walking on that path.
But it was too much for Oedipus.
Father,
I'm not killing you by the name
I'm being you
As an eternal curse of my life
Way to the vanity.
Dad,
Happy birthday.
Congratulations for being a dad 24 years ago.
I hate you, but I could not have an alteration,
Therefore,
I have to love you.
Just like how you feel about me.
A gift
A curse