people don't owe you a damn thing |
The eighth step is about making amends. I've never done the steps, but I've certainly wronged some people. Told some lies - Broke some hearts - Abused - Crushed Spirits Made a child cry. Failed as a mom. "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all." So I made the list, Wrote the messages, Sent the texts. Admitted things I thought I would take to the grave. Confessed affairs. Unearthed events and feelings covered in cobwebs in the depths of my memories. I barged back into peoples lives like a battering ram on a cheap door. A blast from the past they wished would have stayed there. Words on paper, a phone screen, through telephone lines. Words that couldn't fix the broken hearts, crushed spirits, the child's pain. I D E M A N D E D they listen. Sobriety had been earned with my blood sweat and tears. I did the therapy. The meetings. The emotionally draining hard work. I wept. Grieved. Felt the guilt. I D E S E R V E D to be forgiven. I was selfishly demanding forgiveness from people who didn't deserve the lies|broken hearts|abuse|crushed spirits The pain I never thought twice about inflicting upon them. They didn't owe me a T H O R D A M N thing. Not an audience Not a response and damn sure not F O R G I V N E S S |