Frosty Creme

Originally entered in Daily Flash Fiction

Frosty Creme

I opened the face creme. It had these promises written on the carton: Brimming with vitamins and minerals. This creme will give your complexion a full of youthful vigor and vitality feel. 'Yeah, right. Whatever their marketing director says,' I said to my cat sitting on the bathroom counter looking at me. I slathered the viscous pink goo over my face and rubbed it in. 'At $80.00 a jar, it should give me a newface.' I washed my hands and got ready for bed.

Sheba the cat and I had a great night. We slept like babies. We were up every two hours and crying. About midnight, my face started to burn like it was on fire. When I looked in the mirror, all I could see were red pustules all over. I broke out the allergy cream. No help with that, so I took some allergy pills and waited a few hours. When I started to break out in hives all over my body, Sheba and I decided at 3:00 AM that an ER visit was in order.

As I checked in with the ER folks, people treated me like I had leprosy or some other strange tropical disease. I waited about an hour, then was taken back to a room. The nurse had a good laugh at my expense. She said, "You haven't heard about that creme? It's all over the news. Seems the manufacturer is going to jail for misrepresenting the ingredients on the label. Better get in on that class action law suit ASAP." She laughed as she left to get the doctor. Great. Just great.

One benefit from all this is that I did give great performances in my play. Actually I had multiple performances of the show off Broadway. The show is unimportant. But the critics said I was quite convincing as a character that had experienced pathos with a touch of humor in their life.

W/C 321