Imprisoned in Freedom

Walking to bright light, a long table appears full of food and drink. He sets me on the floor as my eyes adjust to the light.
"What's this?" I look at him wide-eyed.
"Your dinner. Sit. Eat." Jesus says. The aroma of all the food bombards my olfactory senses, pulling at my stomach muscles. I hadn't realized how famished I really was. Pulling out the chair in front of me and sit scooting the chair up. Picking up the plate in front of me, I noticed it was exquisite China, the flower ring design around the outside with specks of gold in the vines is gorgeous. Setting it down carefully I lift the crystal goblet holding a clear liquid.
"What's this?"
"Your favorite drink, non-alcoholic of course." I look at him a little skeptical. He nods as if to say try it. Putting the glass opening to my lips, the liquid remains clear, tasting bland with a hint of lemon.
"Lemon Water, that's refreshing," I say finishing the glass. Setting it back on the table, it automatically refills this time with the liquid I can assume is more water. Looking around the table all my favorite foods, broccoli and cheese, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, baked ham and spaghetti and meatballs, salad, and garlic bread. The table is overloaded with everything I'll eat and then some.
"Everything looks delicious. Is it all for me?"
"Yes, this is your banquet table." He smiled broadly. I swallowed hard, the extravagance was overwhelming.
"All of this is for me!?" I squinted my eyes questioning.
"Yes, eat." I began to load my plate up with a little of everything. I ate a few things and suddenly realized I didn't have an appetite.
"I want to go back to my cell now." I stood wiping the corners of my mouth with the cotton napkin.
"Why?" Jesus swallowed seeming to choke on the thought.
"Because I don't deserve all this." I smiled.
"But I saved you from that cell. I've given you everything you need."
"Yes, you have but that place is comfortable. It's what I know. It's what I deserve in light of all this." I waved my hand across the table. "I see myself in there, and I wouldn't know what to do with myself out here."
"I made you better than that." He said pointing the way we came. "I made you perfect."
Tears rolled down my cheeks because of the hopelessness still in my head and heart. "See, Jesus, that's where you are wrong. I live on this earth and there's nothing perfect about me." I sunk into the chair behind me. His eyes widened as he stepped back. "You couldn't make me perfect. There's no way you made me perfect. I still sin. I still make mistakes. I still feel shame and guilt." His hand inadvertently came to his cheek as if he'd been slapped.
"I am enough." He stated with quiet authority. His eyes held tears. I wanted to slink into the floor from the authority and weight of what he'd said. Bowing his head, "let's go."
We walked silently back to where my cell was. The light showed inside. The walls were blank, the bricks smooth.
"Wait, where is my sin, my mistakes? I don't understand."
"When you came out you accepted all of me. You are forgiven for all time. This cell has changed." He waved his hand ushering me to a room I had only dreamt about. "To this."
The room was perfect with antique furniture, the fireplace was bricked off perfectly. Tears came to my eyes as I stepped in and looked around. Gently touching the furniture feeling the smooth coolness of the tabletop.
"I don't deserve this." The room immediately changed to the cell with blank and empty walls. A sense of familiarity washed over me. This is where I should be. That other room is too perfect.
"What can I do to show you this cell is not who you are?"
"There's nothing." I blankly stared at HIm. Again he stepped back as if he' had been slapped.
"Okay, I will leave you here then." He began to walk away. The darkness crept in as his light faded from my view. I gasped as I realized I'd be here alone. Poking my head out from the doorless cell,
"Wait! Can I have a lamp?" For some reason, the darkness frightened me.
"You are my lamp. Whenever you need light, shine to the cell around you." He continued to walk off.
"Now how do I do that?" Looking at my hands I wondered. Hold my left-hand palm up. I said, "Light" Like a flashlight in my eyes a warm light emanated from my hand blinding me for a moment. Rubbing my eyes from the brightness. Putting my hand up to face the walls. "Light," I stated. The light shown from my hand, I swung it around lighting up the cell. Slowing the light down I began to see things on the other side. It was like looking through a small circle that faded in front of me. The light showed the perfect room I had just been standing in. The light blue wall was empty of everything. Moving around my hand the light showed the room, yet where the light was not was darkness.
"Jesus, what's going on?"
"My light," His voice calmly in my head and heart. "within you shows you who you truly are. YOu can live without the cell. All you have to do is focus on me and not let what you've done or not done get in the way.
"How do I do that?"
"Focus on me. I made you worthy enough for this room. If you deny that by focusing on sin, then you negate my sacrifice saying I was not enough."
"What if I sin? What if I'm not good enough. You seem to know me well enough."
"Child, I knew you before you were in your mother's womb. I know in your life you're going to have wrong thoughts, bad attitudes, and bad actions, that does not change who I made you. It doesn't make you any less worthy to come to me."


WC 1037