Fear

WhY am I so afraid?
That question's more than I can take
I fear success as much as failure
Subconsciously sabotaging the efforts I make

Conscious decisions without thought
But it's the subconscious by which we must abide
Choices made without consultation
Seems I am just along for the ride

Why I do what I do?
In moments of clarity sometimes I see
Insight, then reality brings anxiety
Subconscious calls it a day, and for once, I agree

Denial plays its insidious role
A supporting actor on the stage of life
Pretending important things don't matter
Like living on the edge of a knife

Pull the covers up over my head
Say a prayer, and hope for the best
Too difficult to deal with reality
But avoidance won't pass life's test

Fear is a huge motivation
And again, the question is why?
When physical pain's not an issue
Yet emotional pain makes me cry

I'm not yet ready for the answers
But to continue this charade
In the end, something must give
It won't just rain but pour on my parade