Still Here

Anyone else notice that everyone just sort of expected this big change in 2021? Like, it was going to hit midnight and 2020 would just be washed away?

The New Year still hasn't blessed me with that cleansing shower yet.

My bills are still due. I still don't think I'll be able to pay them. I'm still hungry, and there is still nothing to eat. The covid-19 is still in my step-daughters system.

I am still sitting here, waiting for my job to call me and tell me that orders have picked up again so I can come back to work.
I am still at home, typing away, waiting for life to be different.

It's ironic though. I go back and think...was I ever not depressed though, really? I remember this time last year. I was working. My family was healthy. My bills were paid and then some. Yet...I was still unhappy, just kind of existing in this life, like, well what the hell else would I do?

2020 just gave me a good excuse to complain. I feel more free to write about my depression because now I have reasons to put to it. It was always there though, maybe with less anxiety to ride along with it, but I wasn't truly happy before this last year either. Maybe that's why I am so bitter.

Even when the pandemic is gone, my sadness won't be...