It Was So Hot...

Featured in "Comedy Newsletter (July 7, 2021)" 

It Was So Hot…

I lay on the tile floor. Next to the dog. We don’t have a/c so this is the coolest place in the house.

Jake came in, stumbled over the two of us and ended up on the floor with us. The dog grumbled but made room.

“What are you doing down here?” Jake rubbed his knees.

“Coolest place besides the refrigerator, but I’m too big to crawl inside.” I moved the ice bag to my head.

“Ice? Give me that. My knees need it worse than your head.”

Jake grabbed the ice. I grabbed the ice. Donald the dog grabbed the ice. The ice bag broke, cubes everywhere.

Donald the dog crunched a few, I ate a few, Jake stuffed the rest back in the broken bag.

“How hot did it get today?” I asked while crunching a melting bit of ice.

“They say this is the hottest day on record. It was so hot…”

“No jokes. I could’a told you that. Donald won’t even go outside. Candles on the dining room table melted, bent right over.”

“It’s summer, Marie. It’s supposed to be hot.”

I snatched that bag of ice, smashed it over Jake’s head. Jake yelped, Donald yelped, I yelped when ice went down my shorts.

“Remember that day in January when it was 20 below? You wanted hot weather. This is all your fault.” Jake poured ice water over my head.

We’re all acting a bit wild. Donald howled. Perhaps a storm is brewing.

W/C 248