Motherly Magic

It's so hard watching my boy turn into a man. Especially when I know how much he is struggling with the stresses of it. Grant is currently 18 and in the final year of his 2 year college course in engineering. Engineering my sound like a prestigious field to get into but grant didn't see it that way. Grant didn't really choose to be an engineer or really want to take this course. He was offered a part scholarship to the course as his grades were very respectable. He ended up taking the offer as he didn't really have any aspirations of his own and realising he had to do something to make money, he figured engineering would at least be something.

Grant is still living at home with me, his mother Aleshia. I still think of grant as my baby boy and I only want him to be happy in life, so he's free to stay here as long as he needs. A reoccurring statement he has made for the past few years that he mentions to me is how he just wishes he could start again. Go back to being a child. He's said how he really didn't value those years enough, constantly wanting to be older all the time to do more things without realising just how happy and care-free it was to have all the hard stuff done for you, lea ing you to just worry about what you are going to have fun with next.

The thing is, every time he tells me those feelings, deep down I know I have the power to make that a reality for him. You see, my family tree comes from a long line of ancient magical users. For generations, the women in our family tree have had the chance to have the right gene structure to receive the biological ability to influence human thought and feelings. It's not really magic but the easist way to describe its effects in reality is magic. I happen to be one of the lucky few alive to have this gift. One limitation on my powers though is that it typically only lasts for a week. If I try really hard I can maybe make it strong enough for 2 weeks but that's about the maximum. I try my absolute hardest to not use it as I don't feel the morality of changing people's lives for my benefit is right. Even if the changes I make only last a week, that could still cause a lot of damage in their lives. Changes in how they act could break up their friendships, cause them to lose their jobs, cause irreversible damage in their marriages. It's not worth the moral risk.

So yes, I could influence grants thoughts and have him regress to the state of a child to experience those years again, but a big part of me knows that would be wrong. As much as he complains about the struggles of life and longs for the days of his youth, my hope is that this point in his life will pass and he will embrace adulthood and its challenges. That was the case up untill last night.

It was 9 o'clock and I was watching TV just about to go to bed when I hear quiet sobbing coming from grant's room. I quietly go and check on Grant to see what's going on and what I saw broke my heart. Grant was at his desk sitting in front of his laptop with an upcoming engineering test on the screen. He is hunched over with his head in his arms, weeping. I rush to console him and put my arms around him
"oh honey, what's the matter?"
"I can't do it mum. I just can't. Is this all there is, just working yourself to the bone to earn money to give to everyone else untill you die. Why did life have to change? Why can't we all just stay kids?"
"Come here my boy. I know, the world isn't fair. Let me make you a hot coco and give this homework a break for now"

I take him to the kitchen as he cleans himself up and make both of us a hot coco. We start remenissing about his childhood and retelling fun memories. It was the first time in a long time that I had seen him smile. That's when it hit me. What's the point in having these powers of I can't let the people I love enjoy life. It doesn't matter if I'm changing the course of their lives if that new course is one that creates joy and happiness. I'm going to turn my son back into a baby.

I wanted to do this tactfully, carefully, slowly and above all else, I want to ensure that grant makes some of the big decisions himself. I want to ensure he is choosing this new life and that it isn't just my magic making him do it. I put him to bed and head to my room. That night I start to hatch a plan. I write everything doing in a notebook forming multiple different branches that grant could possibly go doing with key point in each branch where grants needs to decide what he truly wants. It's almost 1 in the morning by the time I'm finished reviewing my plan.

I feel there's no sense waiting and I start with the first stage of my plan which is to give him a taste of the life he feels he wants. I begin my magical routing and do the following to grant.
"You will wet your bed" and "when given childish choices, you will not feel embarrassment or humiliation if you want to take them". I know it may seem like my first command is forever giving my son a bed-wetting problem and that's going against my core beliefs of forever altering the course of a life, but remember that the magic I imposed on him will only last for a week so at most, he will wet the bed 6 to 7 times. Maybe 8 or 9 if he gets used to it or has issues adjusting back to not bed-wetting but I'm his mother, I'll help him through that if it comes to that.

The next morning I wake up to the sound of the washer and dryer. I smile to myself. He must have wet the bed and quickly gotten up to wash his sheets before I got up. I go to his bedroom and sure enough his bed has been striped back to the mattress. I have a shower, do my normal morning routine and head to the kitchen. Grant is eating ceral about to head to college. I sit down and grab myself a bowl.
"so, doing some laundry"
His cheeks go cherry red
"... Yep"
"so uh.... Washing your sheets. Kind of unlike you"
They are bright red
"I uhh...... Um....."
I reach over and put my hand on his and tell him
"don't worry sweaty, you can tell me"
".... I wet the bed"
Almost immediately his cheeks stopped being red. His face showed he was instaly relieved of his embarrassment. He had made the childish choice to tell me he had wet the bed and my magic helped him afterwards by removing the usual embarrassment that would follow. The key point being that he decided to tell me first, confronting his fears and getting rewarded only after that. My hope is to slowly show him that making childish choices aren't so bad, at least for this week while we trial this branch of my plan. I respond
"thanks for being honest and don't worry, it's probably just the stress of your test. I'll take care of the laundry while your away and get your bed ready"

"thanks mum. Your the best" he says as he gets up with his backpack and heads for the door. "love you" he shouts just as the door closes. I tidy up around the house and sort out his bed just as I said. I head to the grocery store to do some shopping. While there, I head to a local pharmacy and purchase the next part in my plan. I get home and I set the package in the middle of his bed for him to find when he gets home. Fast forward to 5 and I'm in the kitchen making dinner when I hear Grant walk in the door.
"hey hon, how was your day"
He heads to his romm as he says
"yeah pretty good, we are mainly preparing for this upcoming exam that's...... uh, MUM"
He must have seen them. I put down the vegetables I'm cutting and head to his room.
"whats wrong?"
"what are these?" he says pointing to the package of adult diapers on his bed.
"the are adult protection briefs. I just thought I would give you the option in case you felt like you might have another accident"
"mum that was a one time thing. It's not going to happen again. I don't need diapers"
"protection briefs" I say trying to make it easier.
"thanks but no thanks" he says as he picks up the pack and puts them at the bottom of the cupboard.

"no problem. I just thought I should get something for you just in case you needed it"
He seems a little angry but not really at me, more just at the situation. That's fine that he chose not to use the diaper. That's exactly what I want to find out, do he truely want to be babied again or is this just his way of adjusting to adulthood. My magic will just make it easier on him if he does choose to act childish, not make the choice for him. We leave his room and I go back to making dinner. We go about our night as normal and head to bed. Part of me is really interested in seeing what happens when he wets the bed again.

I wake up the next morning but surprisingly, the washer and dryer aren't running. Has he left his wet sheets still on the bed? I head to the kitchen after getting ready for the morning and sit down for breakfast with grant.
"so, no accidents last night"
"nope"
That's not right. My magic never fails. I know I haven't used it in a while but it can't be this weak can it? I only got a single day of use out of it? I'll have to experemint later on some mundane stuff and see what's going on.
"oh well, that's good. What have you got on today at coll.....
We continue to talk about our days untill he eventually gets up to go.
"love you" he says as he leaves.
"love you too" I say trying to keep calm. Less then 30 seconds go by before I jump up and head to his room. I pull back his sheets and sure enough, they are clean. What is happening. I start to freak out. As I pace in his room wondering if my magic is on the Fritz, I suddenly have a thought. I open his wardrobe and install I realise what's happened.

My magic is fine. I'm fine. I calm myself down. At the bottom of the wardrobe, in the far right corner is the pack of diapers....opened with one missing. Grant did decide in secret to put on one of the diapers. The plan is still on track and grant has continued to choose childish options on his own. Whether he chose to wear a diaper because he wanted to or he actually did want to protect himself, either way it's a step in the right direction to giving him a taste. I walk out to the bins outside our house as that's the most likely place he would have disposed of it and sure enough, hidden under yesterday's trash bag, is a wet and used diaper.

I almost jump for joy "Grant DID wet the bet" before I realise I just cheered for the fact that my son just wet his diaper. I chuckle to myself over that. I go abiit my day as usual, cleaning the house and getting dinner ready. Grant arrives home and we go through the regual rigmarole. How was your day, what did you get upto. We sit down for dinner and I decide to confront him gently.
"so grant, I was cleaning your room today. You need to stop eating in your room mister"
"hahaha yes mum, sorry. I'll try and bring out the plates more often"
"I was also cleaning in your wardrobe..."
"oh yeah..." he responds getting redder in the cheeks.
Its kind of funny being able to use my sons blushing as a indicator for where he is in the process.
"honey, you know I love you and I'm here to help you in any way you need"
"you.... Saw the diap.... Protection briefs"
"yeah honey I did. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I got them for you to use and I'm glad you did but when I asked you this morning if you had an accident and you said no, was that a lie?"
His cheeks are bright red now. This is the moment of truth. What will he decide.
".... I'm sorry mum. I did lie. I just didn't want you to be ashamed of me"

"I immediately get up from the table and rush to his side. Honey, nothing you could ever do would ever make me ashamed of you. You are my boy and I only want what's best for you"
"thanks mum, I'm sorry I lied to you"
We hug it out and I say
"apology accepted, just please be honest with me in the future. I promise I will never make you feel bad for how you feel"
We continue to eat dinner together. There's a strong feeling of love in the air. We pack up and he gets ready for the night. I sit down and watch TV as usual and grant actually comes out in his pajamas and watches TV with me. Normally he sits in his room on his comouter either doing homework or watching random videos online. He doesn't really like TV but I guess our recent breakdown of emotions at dinner had drawn him closer. That point is only driven home when half an hour in, he starts to lean his head into my shoulder. I put my arms arou d him and embrace him.

It took me back to the early days when we was barely a toddler and would do this. It really made me feel like a young mother again, and I loved the feeling. I kind of always felt like I would be doing this just for him, but maybe it could result in a better lifestyle for both of us. He slowly drifts asleep laying on me and as he does he starts to move around and shift a bit. As he does, I hear a crinkle coming from his pants. I slowly reach my hand down to his pants and give it a bit of a squeeze. He is wearing his diaper already. Wow. That proves that. There is no way he would have put on the diaper this early in the night if it was just about protection. He wanted to wear that diaper. It shows me that im on the right path and his sentiment about wanting to return to childhood were rock solid.

I watch tv for as long as i can so i can let grant sleep on my shoulder for as long as possible. Eventually it gets late and i slowly get out from under him. Thankfully he stays asleep as he falls slowly onto the couch. Grant is thankfully on the smaller side, being out 5" 4 so i attempt to do something i havent done in a long time. I slowly slide on arm under his head and another under his waist. i pick him up gently in my arms. he is heavy but not by a crazy amount. I am able to cradle him in my arms and slowly walk him to his bedroom. I lay him down gently on the bed and tuck him in. the whole thing is so childlike, my heart starts melting as if he was just a small child. I didnt want to lose those moments then and i dont now either. Deep down i now know that a strong part of me is hoping he does choose to become my baby again.

i wake up the next morning and its now the weekend. Grant is still sleeping as he doesnt have an alarm on the weekends to wake up to. I have a shower and get changed out of my pajamas for the day. I head to the kitchen and start making breakfast. Grant sleeply walks out to the kitchen and puts a tied up plastic bag into the trash can before he opens the cupboard looking for food
"Oh dont worry about breakfast honey. Ill make it for the both of us this morning. Why dont you go sit on the couch and what whatever you want on TV"
as he walks away grogerly with a smile, i take a sneak peek into the trash and see that the plastic bag he put in the trash is indeed his wet diaper. I knew it would happen but i guess after yesterdays scare, its just good to know its still working. i decide to make us pancakes for breakfast but with a twist. I pull out a bunch of animal shaped molds and make 2 batches, 1 which is just a stack of regular round pancakes and another which are a bunch of animals like a teddy bear face, a cat, a dog, a lion, a girraffe. A perfect kids breakfast.

i finish plating up the 2 plates and set them on the table. i go to the living room to get grant and too my suprise, grant is watching saturday morning cartoons. Not just the saturday teenage based cartoons but the real kiddy shows. i think it was dora the explorer to be exact. he hasnt watched those kinds of cartoons since he was in grade 3. I guess the lack of negative feelings associated with childish decisions is starting to have a big impact on his decision making. My test of the animal pancakes or the normal ones almost seems to be insigniffigant now.

I head back to the dining table as to try and not make out like i saw what he was watching and called out "breakfast's ready"
He comes running to the table and like i thought without hesitation starts to load his plate with pancakes exclusivly from the animal shaped plate. My test was basically pointless. we sit down and start eating together.
"How did you sleep?" i ask
"Yeah good, except i cant remember how i even got to sleep. Last think i remember, i was watching tv with you and then nothing. Did i fall asleep next to you"
"Hahaha not just next to me, you fell asleep right on me like you we 5. I picked you up and tucked you in later on in the night also just like you were 5"
"Hahahaha really, oh my gosh. Im suprised you didnt give me Mr Bearington to sleep with as well"
"Oh wow, Mr Bearington, i remember him. you two wouldnt leave eachothers side. you wouldnt even go to sleep until you had him in your arms"
"....Do we still have him?" he asks sheepishly looking at the ground.

"I dunno, did you want me to look for him?" i ask him even know i know exactly where he is. I think every mother should know exactly where their childhood teddy bear is no matter how old he gets.
"Oh dont go out of your way. I dont actually want him. I was just wondering ya know"
i chuckle silently. Yeah sure. oh course you dont really want him. youve prgressed so quickly to being a kid again that you probably want to go back to carrying him around everywhere with you again. we finish up breakfast and i tell him to go back to watching TV while i clean up. after i finish up, i sneak out to the garage as i take a peak at what hes watching. Its still cartoons, it looks like mickeys clubhouse this time. In the garage i move some old boxes around untill i get to the one im after. Its a box full of grants old baby clothes and hidden in there is Mr Bearington. its a mid sized brown bear with lighter brown fur in the shape of a heart on his chest. when you squeeze his paws, he is meant to say "i wuv you" but the sound stopped working a long time ago. i put him in a backpack and zip it up.

I put all the boxes back and duck my head around the corner of the living room quickly trying to suprise grant.
"Hey watcha doing?"
Grant quickly shuffles for the remote and changes channels a bunch of times. He just looks at me embarrassed. I guess because that decision wasnt a childish one but was him trying to cover up a previously childish one, hes going to feel the embarrassment. I just pretend i didnt see anything and say
"Im heading out to the shops, you want anything?"
"Um, yeah. You only got me a pack of 5 diap.....uh.... protection briefs and im down to only 2. Could you get me anoher pack. Just in case"
"Yeah sure, 1 pack of large diapers for the diaper boy" i say in a jokingly motherly teasing way.
"MMMAAAAHHHHMMMM SSSTTAAAHHHPPP" grant says covering his face
"What, you almost slipped up yourself"

I didnt really need anything at the shops. I was just planning on taking this teddy to a build-a-bear and getting it restored for grant but i guess im making a stop at a pharmacy as well. once at the build-a-bear i head to the teddy hospital desk they have set up for repairing toys
"Hi, how can we help you today"
"My son has this teddy, it used to say "i wuv you" but it seems to be broken, plus i think the bear could just do with a clean and tidy up as well"
"Sure thing, i bet your child is probabl;y dying to get this little guy back"
i chuckle "oh, you have no idea"
"No worries, this should only take an hour or so. ill give you a call when its ready"

I head to the pharmacy to pick up the extra diapers and then head back. By the time i park the car, i get a call to pick up the teddy. Perfect timing. I head on in and talk to the counter staff
"and here he is. We rplaced all of his fluff and gave the fur a proper cleaning, and of cource" she proceeds to squeeze the paw and the teddy says "i wuv you"
"Thank you so much, my little boy will love it more then you could imagine"
I load up the teddy in the backpack with the diapers and pay the clerk.

Grant is still watching TV when i arrive back. It looks like he has put on frozen the movie himself. he is completely engrossed in it and doesnt even turn to me or pick up the remote to turn around. i head for his room and put the diapers on his bed again as well as put mr bearington sitting in front of the pack leaning against it. i quickly leave his room and head back to mine. I shut the door to my room just in case he decides to head back to his room and see's it. I want it to be a full suprise. While in my room though, i notice my wardrobe is open. I know it sounds insignifficant but im very clean and orderly, i almost never leave my wardrobe open. whats weirder is some of my clothes have clearly been taken down and put back up as some of them arent on their hanger properly.

This is very weird and i know and feel very strongly that i wouldnt have done this but the only other person would have been grant... could my magic have messed with him so much that he decided to come into my room and mess up my clothes. Is it some kind of subconcious thought process in him thats maybe fighting back or rejecting his new actions? i dont know so i wont confront him on this but im going to need to run an experiment to find out whats going on.

The rest of the day goes by pretty uneventful. i spend some time on my phone browsing facebook and chatting with friends. grant pretty much spends most of his time watching kids shows and movies all day besides the few times he got up for food or the toilet. we eventually meet back up for dinner where we just ordered delivery. As we are heading to bed, grant finally enters his room and once he turns the light on, i just hear "I wuv you" before i hear him running out to meet me and hugging me saying
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you"
"Hahahaha aww if i knew you missed your friend that much, i would have looked for him quicker"
"I didnt miss him: he says blushing clearly lying "Im just glad to know we still have him"
sure sure, we will see how muched you missed him tonight.

We head to bed but i stay up on my phone for about 2 hours just trying to keep myself awake. Once i feel enough time has passed, i sneak in and check on grant. Sure enough he has mr bearington hugged tightly in his arms fast asleep. you can lie to me all you want you big baby but you cant lie to yourself.i give him a kiss on the forehead and bring his blanket up on him before sneeking back to my room. the next morning i wake up. Grant is still asleep again because its sunday. I start on breakfast, this time on porridge and i add a bear face on the top made out of mayple syrup. Grant comes out sleeply and rubbing his eyes with Mr Bearington held by his paw at his side in the other hand.

I dont think he realised he was holding him as i said
"Oh i only made breakfast for you,not mr bearington as well"
He laughed and chucked him up the hall way saying "oh i didnt even know i was holding him haha must have been an old force of habit"
sure sure. this phase is killing me, i just want it to be over and for him to just fully embrace his childish behaviours in front of me. we sit down and eat breakfast. during the meal, he moves around and i hear the distinct noise of a diaper. I cant help myself and have to ask
"Umm, grant. have you taken off last nights protective briefs yet?"
"yeah i did, they are in a plastic bag in my room, i forgot to bring them out. I guess thats why i brought mr bearington out instread. must have mixed them up and forgot about the wet diaper"
Hahaha he called them protective briefs at first but then right at the end of the sentance called them diapers.
"so uhh, your not wearing one now are you?"
"uhh, yeah i am. i was going to tell you but i was just too embarrassed. Yesterday, while i was watching TV, i must have been so taken in by the show i was watching because i... uhh..... wet myself. BUT BUT dont worry, i cleaned myself up and i got out the steam cleaner and cleaned the living room. Im just, at least for today, just gonna wear one just in case"

Wow, i havent done anything to his bladder control during the day. Either his loss of control is passing through into the day or he subconciously wanted to with all the recent changes in his life.
"Oh dont worry sweety. you dont have to be embarrassed. i think you are stong and brave for being honest. You know you can tell me anything at all. I saw you sleaping with mr bearington and i think you are very cute together. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I will always be hear for you"
"thanks mummy" he says with a big grin as he shovels another bite into his mouth
Mummy? i havent been called mummy in years. I dont bring it up and just leave it. we finish breakfast and i head back to my room. I want to move him onto the next stage of regression but i also need to test what happened with my clothes first. If my influence is messing with him deeo down in ways im not seeing, i want to know before progessing beyond the 2 changes ive made so far.

I set up my phone on my bedside table hidden away behind a few things, completely out of sight unless you were looking for it, but proped up wioth the camera pointed at my wardrobe. I start a recording hoping to maybe catch whats going on. i head to the front door and shout out
"I need to head back to the shops, forgot some stuff yesterday. Be back in an hour"
I actually do head to the shops this time and pick up some groceryies and everyday items. Im keeping an eye on my watch at the time and only start to head back once im sure its been more then an hour. i arrive back
"im home"
Grant is in his room on his computer playing one of his games. Hes got headphones in so he probably didnt hear me. After unloading the groceries, i head back to my room and shut the door.

i pick up my phone and thankfully its stil recording. I stop it and load the footage onto my laptop. After opening the video, i scrib through the footage and only 5 minutes after i left, i see grant enter the room. He is wearing nothing but his diaper and is holding his teddy in his arm. i see him set bearington on the bed and then open my wardrobe. grant starts riffling through my clothes and eventually pulls out a yellow sunday dress and puts it on. its slightly too big for him but he makes it work. He then says to his teddy
"Look mister bearington, im no longer baby grant. Im baby gracie"
Im taken aback by what i just heard. This isnt subconcious action. He purposfully put on that dress to pretend to be a girl. i hit play on the video to see where it goes before jumping to conclusions. Grant, or gracie, then goes to my draws and puts on some white stockings and a red headband with a bow on the top. he then says as he looks into the mirror at himself
"You want to know a secret teddy, i wish i could wear this every day"
he then puts on 2 of my high heels as he tries to walk up and down besides my bed, almost falling over as he takes each step.

Im a bit taken aback. I dont think my magic did this too him. i think since he has been starting to live as he wanted to, this side of him where he has also wanted to be a girl is also starting to come out. i had no idea. he never told me anything about it, i guess i always just assumed he was a boy and wanted to be a boy. i felt a bit saddened that he hadnt told me, or that maybe my parenting had held it back from him telling me. well i now know and i need to incorporate into my plan going forward. I close the footage and get my notebook with the plan back out. Some of these branches are going to have to change to make room for testing if he wants to be a baby boy, or a baby girl. Ive always wanted a girl, and it would be nice to try rasing a girl now that ive tried raising a boy.

Once I'm finally happy with my new plan, I decide to move Grant onto the next branch. I feel we have made as much progress and found out as much as we can from the path we are on. I need to step things up. I impose just 1 more thought onto grant.
"you will have a real desire to be open and honest about your wants with your mother"
On the surface, it doesn't look like anything has changed. Grant is still on his computer playing video games. My hope is that he will stop wanting to hide his babyish side to me and he may even open up to a conversation about wanting to be a girl. Unlike last time, I don't really want to confront any of these conversations on my own so I'm going to wait untill grant approaches me.

That doesn't mean though that I'm not going to tempt the conversations out. I go online searching for girl clothes that I can start ordering for Grant. This internet search leads me down a rabbit hole where I come across a multitude of online stores that specialise is adult baby like clothes. It turns out, there's a growing community of people out there who are just like Grant and want to return to their childhoods as well. I would say I spent a good 3 to 4 hours browsing shop after shop ordering baby girl clothes, accessories, even adult diaper that have designs like they are for baby girls.

It turns out we actually have a brick and mortar store right here in our town. I organise to get the majority of the stuff through them so that I can just go pick it up. It's now dinner time. I haven't really prepared anything but we have heaps of leftovers so we just heat some of that stuff up and eat together on the couch. After a bit of TV watching with grant sitting next to me on the couch, Grant starts fidgeting with his fingers. This could be the first talk I think excitedly.
"hey mum?"
"yeah sweetie?" I say trying to keep myself relaxed
"can we talk"
BOOYEAH. here we go.
"oh course, what's up?"
"I don't think I want to continue with my engineering course. How bad would it be if I dropped out?"
"that's a big decision but that's entirely up to you. I won't be mad at all if that's what you want to do. What would you want to do instead"
"I dunno. I'd deffinitly like to have a break for at least a month. These past few days with you have been some of the most enjoyable in a long time. I don't exactly know why or what's changed emotionally speaking, but I think I just want to spend more time with you"
"of course sweetie. If engineering isn't for you and you just want a break for a bit, then that's fine with me. If you change your mind, we can always re-enroll"
"thank you so much for understanding mum. I knew i could open up to you" grant then leaned in for a hug as i tell him
"you should know you can tell me anything. all i want is for my child to be happy"

The next morning, i get up with grant already up and having breakfast as is normal on a monday morning. Grant is smiling from ear to ear. his mood has massivly improved since we have started. i dont think he has shown a siingle sign of sadness since we started. whats also interesting is mr bearington is sitting at the table. grant has propped him up on a chair next to him as he eats.
"nice of you to join us for breakfast mr bearington" i say
"oh yeah, sorry, since you found him again, ive just grow real attached to him again and started taking him with me wherever i go. i know its childish but it really makes me feel good and i feel could really help me during this break ill have coming up"
"hey, thats fine with me. Thanks for being so honest about your feelings"
"also, while we are on the subject of childish. i wanted to let you know, im still wetting the bed and starting to wet during the day as well so im going to keep wearing these diapers 24/7. Maybe this break might help with those issues, if it is just a stress thing"
Yeah, right. i know he is wearing those diapers for more then just the wetting. Nothing he said was wrong and he is still being fully honest with me while also deffinitly being more willing to open up about it so i know my new magic is working. Maybe i can coax more out of him though to get him to tell me the whole truth.

"Is it just the wetting that makes you want to keep wearing the diapers. with the want to go back to carrying around your teddy bear, could this be just another way of making you feel good inside? could the wetting itself be a way for your body to tell you it doesnt want to be grown up?"
"Umm, yeah. I probably should be fully honest with you. I do like wearing the diapers. You know how ive been saying how i really wish i could relive my childhood days. well these past few days have allowed me to explore more of my childish side and get a taste of what that would be like to actually go back and live like that.... AND I LOVE IT!!!. I was going to wait untill tonight to talk to you about this once i had sorted college out abd gotten that finalised but... i want it to continue and i want to go deeper... If your willing of course"
JACKPOT! We have a winner. less then 24 hours since the magic and already, we are having the conversation ive been aiming for. i have to massivly restrain myself from shouting yes in his face.
"so when you say continue and deeper, your refering to acting like a child? being treated like a child?"
"umm, yeah. basically... if you wanted to. or were up for it.... you could treat me as if i was a toddler again............as a............girl toddler?"
Ching Ching Ching, we are 3 for 3 baby. we are on a home run. am i a magician or what.
"Girl toddler? what makes you say that"
grant starts looking down at his feet. hes gone real quiet. I realise maybe this rapid opening up of his feelings is too much for him to take. even though he is the one opening up to me. my magic is making him do this in a way and its forcing him to tear down some emotional walls that have probably been in place for a long time. I dont think he can handle all of this at once. i need to switch modes from getting him to tell me, to me showing rapid acceptance of him. I rush to his side and kneel next to his chair and hug him
"Hey, hey, hey. i know this is a lot. it must be very hard for you to tell me all of this. you are very brave and confident to be doing this in the first place. please, i need you to remember i am always here for you. i want you to be happy"

"are you really saaying that? if i really open up, you promise you wont get mad" he says as tears well up in his eyes.
" i promise. i promise promise. I pinkie promise upon a star" he wipes away a tear and says
"In addition to wanting to be a child again..... i want to try.........also try....... being a girl"
all i do is go in for another hug and say "i love you. i love you so much. I want yopu to be happy. i am so proud of you telling me. if you want to be a girl, i want you to be a girl too"
Grant just starts hugging back even harder "thank you mum"
"dont yo worry at all. Im going to go out and get stuff to redecorate your room and get you a whole new change of clothes for my little baby girl"
"Oh thank you, thank you thank you, thank you mummy. if i knew you wold be this accepting i would have come out and told you a long time ago"
"so, what should i be calling my new baby girl?"
"Grace... ive been thinking about it a lot and i have always really liked the name grace"
"Grace, i love it too. Its just like your old name but cuiter and sweeter. Baby gracie"

grace looks down at her watch "oh my gosh im late for college. i know its my last day but i still dont want to be late"
"no worries sweetie. have fun at your last day, because once you get home, its going to be the first day of baby girlhood"
"Thank you mummy, i cant wait. love you so so much mummy" she says as she is about to leave
"hey wait, were are you going, did you forget someone" i say as i hold up mr bearington.
"oh yeah" gracie grabs her teddy and puts him in her backpack.and then leaves for college.
I head to the car soon after and start to drive to this adult baby shop i found yesterday to pick up my order. Didnt think id be needing it so quickly but thanks to my tactful manouvering this moring. i think we will be progressing a lot quicker then i thought through this stage as well.

i arrive at the shop and its outfitted just like a nursery store. i head to the counter and show the girl my order number
"hi im here to pick up my order"
"wow, this is a big order. we dont have many clients who are willing to go all out oin this much for themselves in one go"
"Oh, its not for me"
"dont worry sweetie. everyone says that. theres no need for shame here, we are accepting of all adult babies here. that is what this store is for"
I chuckle "no i mean it really isnt for me. My brave child has told me how he wishes i would baby him and was willing to open himself to this side of him. This is all for my baby daughter"
"Oh thats so kind of you. there arent many parents like you out there who are so accepting when their son or daughter opens up to you like that. thank you for being the change this world needs. You know, theres actually a facebook group for people like you. parents in the same boat who also visit this store. i really think youd like it" She hands me a flyer for the group "mothers for a 2nd time"
"dont be fooled by the name, its mainly mothers who are the accepting ones but there are also a few fathers in that group as well"
"Thanks, ill check it out"

"No worries. itll take me a bit to get this order filled so in the mean time, feel free to have a browse around the store"
I walk around and browse through all the items. theres a whole section on large baby furniture like a diaper changing table, a big high chair, baby styled wardrobes and drawers, even a large crib. there were heaps of asiles of clothing for all occasions like party clothes, play clothes, sleepers and a section with a sign above it that just said naughty baby clothes. i shout out
"What are naughty clothes?" she comes back in and says
"They are clothes for when your baby is naughty or misbehaving and needs to think about their actions. like, theres mittens that lock onto their hands so they cant take them off, or a paci that attaches around their head so they stay quiet, ord this one which is my favirote" she holds up a pink facemask with extra straps going in every direction.
"This is for when your baby just wont go to sleep. its a sleep mask you put over their eyes and it attaches around the head so they cant take it off. forces them to finally shut theur eyes and go to sleep"

I never thought about what i would need to do if gracie started misbehaving. I suppose i should be prepared for the scenario though. part of wanting to be a child will probably invole her misbehaviung like a child. i get a basket and load pretty much everything she talked about into it plus a paddle for smacking his bottom and a paci that had a compartment in it for putting something. The box says its for when your baby says naughty words, you can put soap in it and force them to wash their mouth out. Pretty much this whole section just made me giddy with excitement. Im going to be prepared and ready for the worst.

The order is finally ready. I add the other items to the order and finish payment. She helps me load up the car and says
"thanks for your order. Feel free to bring around your girl some time. We always like to see our happy little clients"
"that's a great idea, thanks for your help"
I get home and unload the boxes into graces room. I waste no time getting started on renovating gracies room.

Its a good 3 hours of labour moving things around and replacing things but it's finally done. All of her old boy clothes are gone and in its place is a wardrobe full of pretty dresses and hurly baby clothes. The desk has been retrofitted with stacks of diapers and a changing mat for a makeshift changing table. Her bed now has barbie sheets on it and pink fur pillow cases. The floor is lined with a sheepskin rug that covers the entire floor, even under the bed. Should be really nice on my baby's skin when she's rolling around and playing with her toys. Next to her bed is a bedside table with a nightlight on it and a few child storybooks.

I've still got a few hours before Gracie gets home from college. I head to the garage and from behind a bunch of old boxes I pull graces old car seat. She was using one all the way up until age 9 and she hasn't got too much bigger since then so it should still fit. I take off the old blue skin on the car seat and replace it with a pink Disney Princess skin I got from the adult baby store. I take a good 20 minutes fitting it to the back seat of the car but I finally get it done. Finally I take a quick trip out to the store as I need to load up on some baby food and baby formula.

I get an assortment of flavours of baby food and some baby formula. I arrive home with 15 mins to spare and was able to finish loading everything into the kitchen as grace walks in the door.
"hey honey, how was your last day of college"
"I'm so glad it's over, I finalised everything with the admin center, they said my credits will last for 2 years if I want to resu..... OH. MY. GOSH. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU" Gracie had just opened the door to her room and saw the massive overhaul I did to it. She runs out to me thanking me persistently and gives me the biggest hug of my life.

"I just want my little baby girl to be happy"
Gracie starts to tear up from joy.
"I never in a million years thought you would do this for me. You are the bestest mummy ever"
"well as your mummy, it's time I get my baby dressed and ready for what I have planned. Here, take mummy's hand"
I hold it out as I lead him into the bathroom.
"we need to give baby a bubble bath so she is all clean" I turn the taps on and test the water coming out to make sure it's all good.
I start to remove her clothes one by one starting with the shirt pulling it up and iver her arms. Then the trousers, shoes and socks. Finally the underwear. Gracie tries to cover up but I smack her hand out of the way
"hey, you are just a baby and I'm your mummy. I've seen it all before"

I then pick her up into the bath tub that's now half full. Adding some soap to the water, it instantly starts to bubble up. I place a rubber ducky in front of him and squeak it saying
"here's Mr ducky"
Gracie instantly starts to play with it as I grab a rag and start to gently scrub her body with the water. Pouring water over her head with a bowl I had. I have scrubbed with the whole of his body and finish off scrubbing his privates. He's a bit sensitive but once she realises that I'm just giving them a clean, she goes back to playing with the ducky. After giving her a few splashes and putting bubbles on her head, I get her out and dry her down with a yellow duck towel which doubles as a hood.

I offer my hand to her as I lead her to her room and to the diaper changing table.
"and up we go" I say as I lift her onto the pad.
"look at these cute diapees I got for my little girl, who's that on there" I say pointing to the character on the front of the pink diaper
"it's Cinderella" she says excitedly
"OK bums up"
Gracie lifts her rear and I slide it underneath her. I cover her front in talcum powder and reach under to put a bit on her bum. Then securely fastening the diaper around her.
"How does that feel honey"
"nice and comfy, thank you mummy"

I leave Gracie on the table as I open up her wardrobe.
"how about this dress" I say holding out a pink dress with Cinderella on the front and poofy shoulders.
"it will match your diaper" I don't even let her decide as I close the wardrobe and get Gracie off the table.
"arms up" I slide the dress down onto her and do up the buttons at the back. I grab a pair of socks from her dresser and put them on one by one. They are long white socks with pink frills around the ankles. I then put on two Mary Jane shoes and buckle them on.
"hands out" I say as I put on a set of pink cotton mittens. They are just circles with no thumb or finger holes.

Finally I pick up a pink paci and say
"open wide" as I insert it into her mouth. It's on a pink ribbon leash which I clip to her dress.
"all done. Go take a look in the mirror and tell me what you think"
She waddles over to the mirror and from behind the paci says
"I wuv it an I wuv you mummy"
"oh what a sweet little girl. Well, I have one more surprise for you. You can probably tell, there's no baby toys in your room yet. I thought I'd let you pick those out yourself. Come get in the car, we are going toy shopping"
"YYYAAAYYYYY!!!" She says as she waddles as fast as she can to the car. She is standing at the front seat waiting for me to unlock it.
"oh no no no. Babies don't sit in the front" I take her hand and open the back seat door to reveal the car seat. I load her in and strap her down with the 5 point harness. I then give her Mr bearing ton which I picked up from her room earlier
"fank you mummy" she says giving him a hug.

I close the door and we drive out to a local toy store. Once we are there, I see from the rear view mirror that Gracie is a bit scared. She is holing Mr bear up to her face as she looks out at the store nervously. I turn to her and say
"don't worry sweety, everything is going to be OK. Youre my baby girl and I'll protect you. You don't need to be embarrassed about people seeing you"
Soon after I told her that, she instantly calmed down. She had decided in her head to trust me and head in, so the embarrassment was cancelled out for her. We get a trolley with a large child seat in it and I lift Gracie up into the seat.
"Are you ready"
"yesh mummy less go"

We head inside and we pretty much make a beeline for the baby section. A few people give Gracie some strange looks but they don't last long. We make our way up and down the isles picking out bits and pieces as we go. We get teddy bears and stuffed animals, dollies, blocks and tea party sets. Gracie picks out a big doll house that I find absolutely adorable. Just before we leave, I notice a costume section.
"ohh Gracie. How about getting some dress ups?"
"yesh yesh yesh"
We head over to the costumes and Gracie explodes with ideas of the different things she wants to pretend to be. We get a few animal costumes like puppy, cat, bunny, lion. We get some girl costumes like a frozen elsa dress, tinkerbell costume and a pink maid apron. By the time we are done, our shipping cart is well and truely full. We head over to the register. I start loading everything up and Gracie helps clutching some items with her mittens and putting them on the counter. The lady behind the counter says
"and what's your name little girl"
Grace gets shy and clutches at Mr bearington again.
"go on, tell her your name hunny"
"I'm..... I'm Gracie"
"and are all these cute costumes for you"
"........ Ye...... Yeah"
"oh that's cute"

We finalise payment and we take the bags to the car. I load Gracie into her car seat first and then move to the boot to start loading up the car. As I'm loading the bags into the boot, I hear the unmistakeable sound of someone using their diaper.
"it sounds like someone needed to go number 2"
"im..... I'm sowwy mummy" she says on the verge of tears
"hey hey hey there now. That's what your diapee is for. When you need to go poopy, you just go OK?"
"ok mummy" she says as she starts to regain herself. The car is finished being loaded and we head home. It's almost 5 by the time we arrive home. We head inside and load the bags onto the floor of her room.
"don't open anything yet, it's time for din din first" I say to her. We head to the kitchen, with Gracie crawling behind me.
"mummy mummy, it's much easier to cwawl then it is to waddle. Look how fast I'm going"
"haha that's nice sweety. Come on, up we go" I say as I lift her to a dining room chair. I don't have a Hugh chair for her yet so this will have to do. I take out a bib from a drawer and from behind I put it on her. I get a yellow winnie the pooh bowl and spoon I got from the baby store and put it in front of her.
"OK for din din, we have a nice bowl of mushy peas" I empty the jar into the bowl in front of her. Her face turns into one of disgust.
"Come on, baby's need their veggies too"

I take the paci out of her mouth and start spooning the food into her mouth.
"come on, open up, here comes the aeroplane"
Gracie keeps her mouth shut so I end up just pushing the food onto her lips and musing it into her face.
"be a good girl or you will go to bed without any dinner at all"
Gracie finally starts to open up and eat the food. I use the bib to wipe the first bit from her face to clean her up. You can tell after ever spoonful that she really doesn't like that taste. We get about 75% of the way through the bowl before she says
"mummy I'm full"
"come on now little girl, there's just a bit more to go"
The jar wasn't your average serving size of baby food. It was a larger jar more designed to be used over several meals for a baby but I figured it would be enough for a big baby like Gracie. We squeeze in the last little bits down her. I leave the bowl at the table and go grab a bottle. I fill it with the baby formula and hot water before screwing on the lid.
"here we go, start sucking on this and let's get that diaper changed"
I hand her the bottle which she grasps with both of her mittened hands and starts to drink. We gets up from the chair and waddles back to her room.

I load her back onto the changing table and undo the diaper.
"oh someone did a stinker didn't they" Gracie immediately blushes. I remove the diaper and fold it up putting it in a diaper hamper next to the changing table. I use baby wipes to clean her up before reapplying the talcom power and putting on a new diaper. Gracie had continued to drink her bottle all through that and was now empty"
"all done" she says as I take the bottle and put it next to her
"and look at that, your diapee is all done as well" I say giving her diaper a pat. I put the paci back into her mouth and get her down from the table. We then spend the next 30 mins unloading the bags and putting all her new toys away and hanging up her costumes.
"OK it's 7:15 now, so you have 15 minutes of play before bed.

Gracie rolls around with dollies and her new stuffed animals making up stories in her head. I enter back into the room when the time is up
" OK, time for bed"
"but mummy, 5 more minutes"
"no ifs or buts little girl. It's bed time right now"
I get her out of her dress and mittens and put her into a rear zippered pink footed sleeper that also has attached mittens. It's got a pink care bear on the belly. I then put her into bed and turn on her night light.
"OK sleep tight hunny"
"mummy...... I wuv you"
"I love you too"