Something From Nothing

I feel normal,

But I know I'm not.

Is it normal to feel abnormal?

Perhaps I'm just lost,

In a world that doesn't care.

A world that gives me nothing,

So, I give back nothing in return.

Nothing for nothing is fair.

Yet, there is always something...

But what?

*******

I see good and bad,

Right and wrong,

Life and death.

Expectations that turn to disappointment.

Because I gave so much,

Yet to give and expect nothing in return?

Noble, yet, so difficult to do.

When takers take,

And givers give...

A problem of our own doing.

When switching teams isn't possible.

White hats over here,

And black hats over there.

Don't change because the perceived grass is greener.

You are who you are,

Or you are not who you are.

And to try and be anyone else,

Is selling yourself short.

*******

I yearn for intimacy's touch.

Yet, I am fearful of getting close.

To then have it snatched away,

And lose it all.

Who am I?

And what have I become?

My eyes will not lie,

As the rug is pulled out from under me.

Is that just the way it is?

*******

I can let go of my fear,

And break these chains.

Chains that hold me fast.

So I cannot move.

So I drag my feet.

So I cannot lose...

Or ever hope to gain.

Waiting for the end,

Instead of a new beginning.

Living, anticipating, engaging and enjoying.

And not looking back with regret,

Or looking forward with fear.

Better to stay where I am...

Where it's safe.

Safe, with...

Unfulfilled hopes,

That leads to unrealised dreams.

*******

At least, now I understand.

To get something from nothing,

Requires a catalyst...desire.