Jacob's ladder

A Businessman driven by his nightmares cannot dream...

Jacob stared into the mirror at his suited form. His practiced eye analyzed the potential impression of his appearance on the super-rich audience for his speech tonight. He wore none of the brand names that commoners crave. A tailored suit from Nelson Taylor hugged his triathlon-trained figure. A Hamilton Khaki Field Mechanical outdoor military-grade watch on his wrist. Leather shoes from Italy.

He planned on driving his Porsche tonight from his three-bed apartment on West 59th Street, overlooking Central Park. This was just his home during the week. A mansion near Sagaponack on Long Island was his official home. Though lacking a wife or children, he liked the big empty house for its swimming pool and the running routes on his estate.

Tonight he'd park under the Freedom Tower. The journey to the conference room took precisely forty minutes.
He reflected that the billionaires were keen on his product. His company's latest product offered many opportunities for them to expand their obscene wealth even further. He'd arranged a short talk using a teleprompter. The speech was written for him and he had only read through it once. His focus was less on what to say than on the impression made. It was all about confidence and looking like the success he was selling.

He was not sleeping properly, though nothing in his appearance suggested that. He reflected that the world seems to be painted in monochrome. Where are the colors and the music? He held dim memories of these, but then life and pain and a world of troubles broke him and now he did not dream. His only dream was of a dark cavern where there was a single door to a stairway. If only he could climb the stairs into the light. But he was chained to the rocks in this cave and silver-dark shadows prowled around, whispering in strange tongues, sounding ominous. The only face he recognized in this cave was that of his father berating him and striking him with a whip. Every night, he went to this place, terrified. Every time he closed his eyes, this hell awaited him. Jacob knew it was his nightmares that drove him. He worked long hours, played and partied until he dropped and slept little more than four hours a night.

This was not the time to reflect on such matters. As the clock hit 6:50 p.m., he started his journey. Some ten minutes later, he was driving down West Street and on his way. He never remembered blacking out and falling asleep at the wheel.

He woke up in a corner room with big windows overlooking the skyscrapers of Manhattan. It was quite a view. There were a few machines that were beeping and flashing lights. The room smelled clean and sanitized, like a hospital. A doctor dressed in a white lab coat over blue overalls came into the room and noticed he was awake.

"Mr. Goldstein, you are awake. Welcome to the land of the living."

"How did I get here?" Jacob studied the doctor, as if through a haze. She was blonde, shapely, and attractive; she looked very familiar. He remembered her name was Judith and she was important to him.

"You had a car crash, Mr. Goldstein, on West Street and are now in the Kimmel Pavilion acute care hospital. You hit the barrier and your car was shunted into the river by a truck. A rescue team plucked you out and the ambulance men resuscitated you on the scene. You have been in a coma for two months and have only just woken up."

"Two months!...my company...I remember nothing...are you Judith?"

The doctor's laugh was the sweetest kind of music and for a moment he went silent just for the pleasure of listening to it. Her lips puckered into a smile, which he half imagined was a kiss. "Don't worry, Mr. Goldstein, your company is still there. You have probably doubled your fortune while sleeping."

He was curious about the feelings this woman evoked in him. Maybe he was injured. He checked his body under the sheet, everything was still there. He twiddled his toes; they worked just fine.

She giggled as she watched him.

"Your body's wounds were only superficial. The biggest trauma was to your head and this is the reason you need to rest a little longer."

"Doctor, why can't I remember any dreams from the time I was out?"

"Your brain was bruised but not broken by the accident. You needed this time to recover. My specialty is neuroscience and I assure you that you have been dreaming quite extensively during the time you were under. It is unlikely you will remember any of these dreams."

"Judith?" He needed her confirmation.

"Yes," she replied, "We went to school together, Jacob; you were in the year above me. Maybe you remember a party on 39th Street ten years ago?"

"Oh my, yes, we..."

"Yes, we did, Jacob; your memory is returning nicely, I see." Judith laughed again as she turned to leave.

"Judith, will you be looking after me during this time? I would quite like that."

"I go where they send me, Mr. Goldstein; professionally speaking, you are a very interesting patient." She smiled at his downcast impression and added, "I am always around if you need me." She left the room.

Wow, that sounded sexy, he thought to himself. Now that he remembered that night from a decade before, it was his first time; in fact, it was the only time he was in love with the woman in his bed. Then the next day, she did not call. He had called her many times and rang her bell also and she had not answered. The time dragged past, his heart broke and she faded away. The nightmares had started around that time.

This room looks so familiar; no, it cannot be the same one. She put me in the same room my father died in. I never came here; it was during the pandemic. They sent me pictures of that view. In a corner room with a view of midtown Manhattan and the Enterprise State Building, my father always took the best for himself.

Jacob fell asleep again. When he woke, he could remember his dream. He was in that cavern. His father was whipping him and he was chained, but then Judith appeared behind his father, a vision of light and loveliness. She put a hand on his father's shoulder. His father faded into smoke and there she was, unlocking his chains and guiding him to the stairs.

He woke and knew that all his masks were broken and that under the mess was a man with a wounded heart.

When Judith returned, he asked her, "Judith, why did you never call me back after that night? I thought we had something. You broke my heart."

Judith looked him straight in the eyes. "It was your father, he confessed to me on his deathbed what he had done. He did not think I was your equal and that I would get in the way of your dreams. He told me that you wanted nothing to do with me and that I should stay out of your way. He was quite scary and insulting. I cried for a week after that. He threatened me if I ever spoke to you again and he paid me off. The money paid for my medical training."

"But I was in love with you, Judith..." Jacob sobbed.

"Maybe he was right. You have built his company into a multibillion-dollar enterprise and I have saved a great many lives with the training he paid for."

"No! That monster! I wanted you." But then he thought Why had his father needed to pay her off?

As if reading his thoughts, Judith spoke, "We had a child because of that night. She will be ten next week. He also paid for her and she has been in all the best schools in New York as a result. She is quite talented. She has your eyes." Judith wept and her eyes returned to the report at the foot of the bed as if seeking solace there.

"Judith, we were friends all through school and after that night, I wanted to marry you. Everything I have done since then has been in reaction to the devastation I felt when you walked away. The money never mattered, I have only had one dream since that night."

Judith looked up, interested. "What was the dream?"

"I dreamt my father had me caged in a dark cave full of demons. But there was a stairway full of light in the corner. I wanted to climb the stairs and escape into the light. Last night in my dream, for the first time in ten years, I saw you and you set me free from the chains and led me to the stairs. Judith, why didn't you contact me when you learned the truth?"

Judith looked down and then away. She sighed and then her eyes returned to him. Some nurses came in to clean the room and change the bedsheets. Judith waited until they left. "I was engaged to be married at the time. It did not work out. None of the men I have been with have worked out since you. My psychologist here at the hospital says I have trust issues, but I still love you. Little Ruth and I pray for you every night together."

"And then I have an accident, get brought to your hospital and end up staying in the very room my father died in?"

Judith shrugged. "Yes, we are linked again by fate and I cannot ignore that either." She turned to leave.

"Judith! Don't you dare! I can see the feelings on your face—your tears. You feel the same way as I do. We have a family. We need to work this through. All the old feelings are here, bursting from inside my heart. I know I look a mess and I know I am not being cool right now, but I want you, Judith. I am still in love with you and I cannot imagine a future without you in it."

Judith tried to speak, but the words did not come. Overwhelmed by emotions, she left the room.

It was the worst three hours of his life before she returned, now dressed smartly in her off-duty clothes. There was a pretty little ten-year-old girl in a blue skirt and shirt school uniform with her. Jacob understood that this was Ruth.

"This is Ruth, she wants to meet her dad."

Jacob wept and held out his arms. Ruth climbed onto the bed and hugged him. Soon Judith was also in the hug and everyone was wet with tears of joy,

That night Jacob slept and in his dream, he climbed that stairway with Judith and Ruth beside him into a new land of unlimited possibility.

When he woke, Judith was sitting by his bed. He spoke, "The fog has lifted inside my mind; I can see in color once more. I hear music in people's voices and watch the dance of their movements with new wonder. I can smell a world of perfumed flowers in the bouquet beside my bed. My dreams are filled with love, beauty, life and light. Now I can dream with my eyes open, laugh again, love again, so long as you and Ruth are with me. I thank God that I was dead and now I live, a million dreams are keeping me awake and no man was ever so full of hope as I am now.