Humiliated

When you're humiliated you find yourself trying to run away, to isolate and disappear. You find yourself wanting to crawl into a ball and hug death. Death is not an enormous bargain in my small town. Our small town was built centuries ago to hide from humans. No humans live in my "frighthining" town- well, except me. Death is a considerable deal to me, because I'm not immortal in a town occupied by vampires. And I'm frightened of death. I have been living in fear my entire life, hiding, trying to stay unnoticed, doing unspeakable things to stay appropriate to my surroundings. I was born a human in a family of vampires, even though i never met my parents, and no one knows enough of my family history, my theory is that one of my parents is a human as well. They most likely kept this secret until their sudden death.


So what happens when history repeats itself and I fall in love with a vampire? I met him in the nearest coffee shop from my small apartment. One thing vampires enjoy, besides blood, ofcourse, is coffee: plain black and evil, dreadful in my opinion. Who enjoys black coffee anyways, cappuccinos are ten times better than any of their usual coffee. But who am I to judge? They probably think the same way about me.


I'm an outsider in this town, a parasite that infects the most pop culture in their veins, in their unimportant gothic town. Everyone knows me, and my non vampiric self, because funny enough, I'm the postman of this urban area. The neighboring cities are not afraid of the vampire occupation, but I am. I fear everyday for my meaningless life. What if my neighbor wakes up one day, sick of rat blood, and decides to enjoy the taste of human blood on that specific morning? I'm afraid of living and life is afraid of me.


I had so many work accidents, as my boss says, but of course they were not. One time I was walking, heading back from a busy day at work, and a bat flew over my head. I slipped, scared of the vampiric animal, and broke my arm. The bone cracked so hard I had to get surgery to put it back in place. Gruesome, I know!
Another incident proved that all of the others weren't just simple accidents. Someone was trying to kill me.


To kill a postman isn’t hard at all, all you have to do is invite them inside for a biscuit, and then enjoy the metallic taste of their blood until they stop screaming for their life. Although I expected this very unpleasant event to happen, I never expected love to take me out.


I never properly experienced love. I'm afraid of commitment and how can I express that to another boy or girl, that I'm afraid to love, because I'm afraid of death? Although vampires scare me, the only reason I never left this horrific town is my best friend, Joshua, who reassures me everyday that I will find a partner sooner or later, and get over my fear of love and death, and death and love. He owns the coffee shop near my apartment, and he always urges me to change my job, and work with him. This way I would feel safer, around a vampire I can trust, and let's be honest, his muscles could definitely protect me. He works day and night, but always makes time to work on his body image somehow. I admire that about him.


On top of my fear of dying, the dreadful terror of love, I also dislike the way that I look. I can't stand to look in the mirror, I'm too chubby for my liking and I have a never-ending set of beliefs that make me think that no one is attracted to me, due to my body. Which theoretically, I know is not true, and Joshua always mentions how handsome I look, even when I clearly have big eyebags and messy hair, due to a sleepless night. Who thought watching Criminal Minds all day could affect your sleep schedule and fear of falling asleep.

I came to the conclusion that I fear everything, I'm a puppy. A pathetic puppy, that's for sure!

My morning started as usual, getting dressed in my blue uniform, which I absolutely hate. Lucky enough, I had the courage to ask my boss to let me decorate it with pins and badges. So now it's blue with a bisexual flag, Garfield pins and “i am a sexy guy” badge. Joshua gave it to me, he apparently received it from one of his occasional girlfriends. He is a homewrecker and a player, but he is my best friend and I support his wrongs and rights no matter what. We promised each other that if by age 30 we won't be married, we would marry each other.

I never make my bed, what's the point in making your bed when you are going to ruin it after a few hours, when you come home? But I always make time to sketch something in the morning, rather I draw my breakfast or little animals from my Encyclopedia of Animals, I always draw. Drawing has been my passion since I was a child. Obviously enough I'm stuck in this town, being a postman, so I never pursued my talent, as my best friend says. “You should leave, and do something with your talent, '' he mentions all the time, but i dont think I'm capable of working in that industry. I draw to feel something, to distract myself from my too mundane life and explore animals of the world I've never seen before.

I left quite early that morning, to get my cappuccino. As I got there, I noticed my usual table was occupied, and the person who dared to occupy Damon’s table was drinking a cappuccino. In what world did I wake up that day? I gave Joshua a questionable look, and full of shyness, I decided to ask the stranger to kindly move. The table is special, and far from the other tables, which are populated by other people. As I approached the table with tiny steps and a nervous look on my face, my palms were sweating with fear and a scared attitude. I noticed instantly how handsome the boy was. The dark curls and tanned skin made me even more nervous to approach the guy, but I managed to get to the table.



That was when we first met, we spent years together after that awkward incident. You, my love, were my sun and moon, my water, and my energy. You were a God, and I was a simple angel.

Yesterday was the last time I saw your face, touched your skin and begged for you to stop. You killed me today and I'm writing this hours prior to the incident, because you warned me. You warned me you would have to sacrifice me for your own life. I've spent years with a person who wouldn't sacrifice himself for his lover. Pathetic. I lived with a man who murdered me for its own sake. Im humiliated, i started weeping in my arms, by the fireplace we always sat by together. The man I love humiliated me, betrayed me and took my life for its own. I was right to feel afraid of love and death. Because at the end, that's exactly what killed me, love.