Breaking Point

The red dripped down her leg. The razor blade she was holding shook in her hand. Vivian pushed the blade to her leg again… again… again. But she needed to do this. She needed a way to control the pain inside of her. Sitting against the bathroom wall, she felt so alone. Herself against the world. Her sister was asleep in their shared room. Her parents had already gone to bed. But words and previous conversations flowed through her mind. Things like people with depression only cut themselves for attention, and Vivian, I know you can do better than this sent waves of pain flooding her thoughts. She cut even harder as she cried.
“I will never be good enough,” she whispered. “I will never be valued. I am a failure, and others would be better if I was dead. And I agree with them.” Tears streamed down her face. She felt as if everyone had left her, like a duckling with no mother to follow. She was lost, and no one would ever help her because she wasn’t good enough.
Once it hurt enough, she bandaged her leg and went to her shared room, still crying. After throwing The Perks of Being a Wallflower across the room, she buried herself under all her blankets and pillows so her crying wouldn’t wake her sister. She sobbed into her pillow until the pain overcame her, and she drifted to sleep.

The next morning she sat at the table thinking of all the scars she would have.
“Would you like some breakfast Viv?” her mom asked.
“No thanks, I’m not hungry.” she replied.
“Going on a diet, are you Viv?” Her sister joked. But Viv’s mind raced, thinking about how close her sister had come to knowing the truth. She had seen the bodies of the models on TV, or the popular girls at school. They could wear more revealing clothes without getting laughed at, while Vivian had to stick to oversized hoodies and sweatpants.
“How about some tea?”
“I said I’m not hungry,” Viv repeated.
“Are you feeling okay?” her mom asked.
“I’m fine.” But inside, Viv knew that she was not okay. In her mind, she knew that telling anyone about her problems would be like opening Pandora’s box, where everyone else would be plagued by the things she let out. She grabbed her bag and walked outside towards her bus stop. It took all of her not to let her tears spill over. She walked past a house with bright red astragalus’ spilling out of every window. All she saw was the blood.
Just as she reached the bus stop, she saw another girl walking towards her. This girl also wore sweatpants, and a hoodie that looked two sizes too big. “Is this the bus stop for Creighton High?” the girl asked.
Viv nodded.
“That’s great. I’m Olivia, but you can call me Via.”
“I’m Viv… I mean Vivian.”
“That’s so cool! We can be Viv and Via!” Via exclaimed. The bus pulled up, and both girls stepped onto the bus. Viv expected Via to see someone else, and sit by them, but to her amazement Via followed her to her seat and sat down beside her.
“No one sits here, right?” Via asked.
“Nope, you’re fine.”
“I’m so glad I met you already. You’re really nice, did you know? I was so nervous, coming to a new house, and having to go to a new school and all,” Olivia was saying. Vivian just nodded, looked out the window of the bus, and smiled.