Anna

When I opened the door, she was just lying on her side and and it appeared to me that she was just watching some kind of a show from some series, I don’t know about it and I don’t care.

At the first instance I felt a kind of warm fury inside me. It’s like I almost felt like she was cheating with me, that she stole something and lied. She should be studying at this moment but here she’s watching a damn series, just like a damn stupid young loser.

I said to myself, “She has already wasted so much time, and I am talking in years, have asked for too many chances and is fortunate enough to get them and yet all again she’s doing the same thing all over again and is pushing herself towards failure. It’s one thing that you try hard enough and you still don’t get it, but failing again and again, without trying and then saying that you are, is just idiotic. No wonder she deserves every bit of it, i.e. tasting the reality of not working hard enough in this messy, cruel, competitive and torturous place we spell as ‘W-O-R-L-D’.”

I entered the room, she avoided me as if she wasn’t looking and that if I was invisible. I tried taking a sort of a deep breathe and then tried my best to sound normal and not angry. I asked her what she was watching, and in a tone of no emotions, she replied, “ ‘A Medical Drama’. It’s good, you should totally watch it.”

I was little surprised at how she couldn’t care at all about her future, and herself when she would fail again this time. As a response to this thought, I talked to her again, more like sort of like an angry but professional way, like a boss would talk to their employee if they found them slopping around ‘their’ dream company’s office. It seems fair, doesn’t it? A person should be punished if they aren’t doing their jobs properly. Fuck trying to get to know what’s going on behind their laziness, because it’s the survival of the fittest, isn’t it? If you can’t work properly, you’ll be replaced with the better, the deserving ones. A win-win for the bosses and the fired employee.

She did start studying after that talk and it seemed to have work.

The Next Day-

The employee is messing again. Still not studying, she is definitely gonna fail again, she should actually.

This time I let it be, I was too angry to talk to her. She saw me, but didn’t react again. I closed the door and walked away. This got me thinking that what’s up with her? Is she really stupid or just simply distracted or both?

It’s not a big deal I guess, everyone watches phone, shows etc. But there also need to be some sort of understanding in a person to fulfill their duties as well.

I let it be and didn’t bother her or let’s say I stopped caring after few times.

Few months later,

I found myself doing the same things as Anna. I started to realise that ‘watching the shows’ wasn’t just watching the show, it was an escape, escape from the all the temporary issues and all the difficult work, and watching the show which is based on the same profession as you want to be in makes you feel a little less guilty.

I wanted to talk to Anna now. I wanted her to listen to me, I wanted to talk to her and I just simply wanted her presence. I was growing anxious and badly needed a hug but as unfortunate it was, there’s no one to whom I could talk. I was firstly blaming others, that how people just indulge so much in themselves and how they don’t care about others and then a thought hit me, ‘Do I ever think of anyone, when I am having a good time?’ The answer was no. I don’t get reminded of them when I am having the time of the life. There are few people though, whom I still miss even in good times, I don’t know why but I do. I guess it’s because I need to share all the good things that happened to me to them, but just as it is, they also are too far now, totally indulged in their lives, their world and their problems. They also might be missing few people whom they want to share the good moments with, but I am not there among those few people and as it is for me, those few people of them wouldn’t be missing them either as they would be having their own few and on and on it goes. I must admit though, I am fortunate enough to have few people whom I can turn to in my worst, whom I can fall upon, but the only unfortunate thing is they can’t usually be turned to now, the reason is maybe the distance, workload and the entry of whole lot better people. I can’t blame them, I have got a problem of walking slow, I didn’t match their speed and still thought I could be with them, only to find later that I eventually moved so slow that I am still walking in my own street while they have reached other states. Sounds like a me problem, and it just is.

Is life silly, or we are or no one really is silly but just evolutionary as selfish as they should be in order to live? The last phrase is the answer. No one can stop for anyone, it would be unfair. Either you walk fast if you want to have companions you want or you walk slow and not miss the people you want but be grateful and happy with the people you have.

To be continued...