The Last Time I Saw The Sun

A recently turned vampire gives an accounting of his life while he still has his humanity.

The Last Time I Saw The Sun
By Chris Doyle

         When you're turned, it's the things they don't tell you that make you understand the world you've entered. The hellish part that is. Things you never considered could have such an impact on your life. Like, no travelling over running water. Right? I shit you not. Also, no swimming. Get bit and you can cancel that gym membership because your days of doing laps in the pool are over. That buoyancy you had all your life? Gone. Water, you see, is a purifying agent and you're now a creature of death and darkness. Not a good mix.
         It took me a while to think of myself that way, but that's how it is. The things I've done and likely will do are proof of that. I could blame it all on the thirst, but that would be a lie. I mean, it drives you to feed, that much is true still...it's the other things. The things you do that have nothing to do with survival. The wanton self indulgence, the gluttony, the avarice, the depravity. The grotesque.
         My soul. The thing the others I've come across keep trying to tell me I no longer have. I recall reading as much as a kid, when I thought this was all bullshit. Then again, I also heard when you become a vampire, your soul is trapped within you and unable to crossover. That doesn't come until next time. When you have your true death. That's the curse part and the cruel irony of it all. You live on, but the parts of life that make it really worth living are inaccessible to you. Loved ones grow old and die and, up until the time they do, they're terrified of you.
         The others I've come across have told me that will pass. The clinging to old mindsets, morals, customs, beliefs, and loves. God, I hope not. I see the look in some of their eyes and have witnessed the carnage they've caused with that look and it makes my stomach turn. Well, mentally anyway. In actuality I'm ashamed to admit it piqued the thirst in me, which I think was their intent. To make me do what they say my heart truly desired. Then again, they're the ones who keep telling me I don't have one, and I don't. At least not like I used to.
         I think their real motivation was to prove to themselves it's okay to become the monsters they say we are. That we have no choice in the matter. That what we do is beyond our control, but I think it is. They keep trying to convince me, but I still feel like me. I'm still in there just less and less with the more I do. The more I feed. I'm holding out that I'm right and I am still in there because it would explain a few things.
         Everyone thinks we can't see our reflections. That's not true. If it were, I wouldn't have to look at myself, but maybe that's part of the curse as well. The curse. What a joke. Apparently, it varies all over the world and what some of us can or can't do, others can. It's all about lineage and who turned you. It definitely makes getting together with others interesting and ratchets up the tension when establishing the pecking order of a room.
         One thing that's true for all of us is the sun and that's apparent early on because of the mind piercing pain that comes from trying to look at it or what happens when an errant ray of sun hits your skin. Worse still is learning what happens if you can somehow bear the pain and not look away or try and build up some sort of tolerance to it. The result of attempting either is the same - blindness. Imagine, if you would, an eternity of darkness and, before you ask, there is no regeneration. You were warned and you tried to defy the rules.
         Then, just when you wrap your mind around those rules, you learn the rabbit hole goes deeper and that there are others. Not just other vampires, but other creatures of darkness. Then you learn all of them, almost without exception, fear and absolutely hate you. The sole exception, if there is one, are werewolves. They look at you as competitors for rulers of the night. Fellow apex predators jockeying for position at the top of the hill.
         Unlike us, they can move about freely during the day, albeit in human form. Still, it gives them a tremendous advantage because they can conduct business and accumulate wealth easier and faster. What they can do personally, we have to do via representatives in most instances. Fortunately for us, that's where being feared comes in handy. Having your life's blood drained away and not wanting your throat torn out are excellent motivators.
         The equalizer, when it pertains to wealth accumulation, is that we live longer, more vital lives than werewolves. That and we're naturally stronger and faster over time. We are at our most vulnerable when we're first turned. Our speed and strength are present, but they're a shadow of what they can become and our stamina also leaves much to be desired. Unless we feed.
          Blood. Blood is the immediate answer to so many of our problems. Feeling weak? Feed. Severely injured? Feed. Find yourself sick? Feed. The younger the victim, the better. The more vital and powerful the victim, the more potent. I've had both and each is...intoxicating. I've been told werewolf blood is like doing a bump of cocaine. I'd never indulged in my previous life so I can't compare. That said, having partaken of youthful sustenance I can confirm it's understandable how some of our kind can be so ruthless in that area. It, unlike anything else, makes us feel connected to the living. The crash can be devastating, but the high, which lasts for days, is indescribable.
         One would think any place where children gather would be overrun by Familiars intent on abduction, sent there at the behest of their masters. On the contrary, that isn't the case, not that it hasn't been attempted. The problem is the Jizo. Incredibly powerful beings whose sole purpose is to protect the souls of children from creatures of darkness. They are the only living embodiment of the powers of light that dane to pay us any attention at all. In the world of spiritual warfare, we barely move the needle. Children, on the other hand, are an incredible source of power and are valuable to both the forces of light and darkness.
         That being said, the only reason the forces of darkness even exist is that we value things that are carnal in nature whereas the forces of light are all about the spirit. There aren't as many of them as us, but there doesn't have to be. Simply put - The Light are not to be trifled with. Forget what you've read or seen in movies. Whenever we come up against them we lose. Badly. Be it demon, ghoul, vengeful spirit or hellhound, we get our asses handed to us. We're just fortunate they rarely concern themselves with our pitiful existence. The only ones who fear us, or should, are humans.