Bad Habits

I can help you break any bad habit in sixty seconds flat.

I’ve got a ring in my ear. It’s supposed to cure the way I constantly blink when I have to face someone I don’t like. I tug my ring and I stop blinking like mad. It’s great.

People talk to me now. They ask questions. Like, “Why do you keep tugging your ring?”

It’s a great conversation starter. You might say, like my psychiatrist does, “It’s a ringing success.”

It always brings a laugh when I explain how it stops my compulsion to blink.

You’d be surprised how often the conversation turns around to some behavior they have problems with. What's your problem?

It’s why I keep extra rings in my pocket. I’ve passed out over a thousand to date. Some people ask to pay for one. Other’s I have to point this gun at them and demand their wallet or purse. I’m not kidding. Hand over yours. Put your new ring on. Tug it. See? It works.

Whatever problem you've got just slipped your mind. In fact, all you want is for me to put my gun away and send you on your way.