Let's be honest: Life is hard

I started writing this story last year. Will upload chapters semi-daily. (Working title)

Chapter One


Finally, it’s Sunday. The only day of the week that I truly enjoy these days. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy school or even week long breaks. Of course I enjoy those as well, it is the only time I can prove my worth to my parents.

To father.

He doesn’t think I’m even worthy of being an altar boy. Well he doesn’t say it, but his eyes do. They speak louder than his words, sometimes I even believe they are what he’s really thinking.

Anyway, I finally get to see my church again. Finally get to see my community again. I basically grew up with our church. I know everyone and know everything they think of everyone else, because for some reason they trusted me with their thoughts. I have been an altar boy at my church since I was 10 and I finally feel like I’m doing it right.

Sure technically there’s no “right” way to be one, but I’m sure before I was horrible. Finally I feel like I’ve connected with our priest and have been able to support him.

“Theo?”

I hear a voice say.

“Theo? Are you alright?”

I look up to see Father Bennett looking at me concerned.

“Yes Father, sorry I wasn’t paying attention”

“That’s alright, just finish fixing the altar now Theo. We’re counting on you”

He smiled at me and everything felt right with the world. Father Bennett was always a kind soul who put everyone at ease.

Soon I was done and I got other things ready for later during the service. I felt so accomplished when I got everything set up and ready for the mass. The way everything ran smoothly because of the extra effort I put in was enough to bring me great joy.

I heard the clamoring of voices fill the pews and knew it was time to start. I took a deep breath and put on my altar server vestment.

“Ok…you can do this…” I whispered to myself.

“Yes you can”

I jumped slightly at the sound of Father Bennett’s voice. He patted my back.

“Just follow God's direction and this will be fine.”

I nodded.

I knew what he meant.

Last time I didn't have everything ready and it ran horribly. To be fair I was tired that day, but that’s no excuse for me to be anything but absolute perfection, or at least the closest to perfection a person can be.

Father showed how disappointed he was by not talking to me all night, not even at dinner. Soon I heard Father Bennett beginning and I grabbed the things I needed.

Okay, I can do this.


Chapter Two


Once mass was over and everything was cleaned up I started walking home. Of course father couldn’t be bothered to pick me up after I was done cleaning the church. I should’ve known this by now.

Mom is too timid to mention they should wait, although she also tries to stick up for me in simple arguments.

It’s not her fault father hates us.

Well not hate, but aggressive dislike.

As I was walking I saw the store DeadRockers, a sort of alternative clothing store in Long Beach.

Not that I was interested.

Why would I be?

Fashion isn’t important to me at all, but I went inside just to take a look.

No real reason. Just to look.

I went straight to the guys section and looked through the clothes. It was nothing like the “basic” stores my mother took me and my little sister shopping at. Those consisted of jeans, jeans, jeans, and belts. Along with some button up shirts and very … American shirts.

The guys' clothes at DeadRockers were just amazing. They reminded me of those guys whom I’d see riding their skateboards at the skate park near my house. The guys at school who would hang out with their small group of close knit friends who all dressed similarly yet different all at once, which is more confusing the more I try to decipher the difference. The guys who dressed freely, while father would’ve killed me if I dressed like that.

If I’m being completely honest I’m a little bit obsessed with guys' clothes.

Not the guys wearing them, but specifically their clothes.

The clothes other guys wore.

I somewhat have become accustomed to judging them on my own personal scale from fashionable to absolutely horrendous. It's almost like a hobby of mine.

I perused the store till I felt like it was late enough to head home and be safe from father’s disappointment. He should be napping by now and mom should be getting dinner ready, while Daisy would be coloring something or doing some homework she put off. I hope she doesn’t have homework, because I really am not in the mood to help her tonight.

I left the store yearning to stay, but knowing better than to stay out longer. I started my walk back home.

Trying to think of how I'll prepare for another monotonous school day tomorrow.


Chapter Three


Now that dinner was over I started gathering everyone’s dirty dishes to wash them. Since father had a long day of work he passed out the second he arrived home, thank goodness.

I turned on the water and began filling the sink up to wash the dishes that wouldn’t fit in our dishwasher.

Of course my brain began to wander and think about school. We would be just getting back from Thanksgiving break and getting back into routine would definitely prove difficult.

“Theo! Pay attention to the sink!” I heard my mom say sharply and I immediately turned the water off before it could overflow.

“Sorry mom!”

“It’s okay hon, something on your mind?” I heard her voice get closer.

She had come into the kitchen and was standing next to the sink.

“I’m all good.” I said, trying to brush her off.

“You sure? I know you’re going back to school tomorrow and-”

I interrupted her swiftly.

“It’s fine.”

She was silent for a moment.

Waiting for me to look at her, but I didn’t.

I kept washing the dishes, eventually she let out a disappointed sigh and walked out of the room.

“Whatever you say. Just remember to brush your teeth before you go to bed, okay?”

“Mhm..”

Soon I heard her footsteps depart and I turn on the water in the right sink. As I wash the dishes my mind wanders to how school will go, especially after everything that’s been going on.

The rumor.

I force myself to focus on the good things.

I’d get to see Mr. Douglas, my AP calculus teacher, again! He always encouraged me to join other AP classes.

I can finally have a peaceful lunch without Daisy asking me questions every two seconds about anything and everything.

Mostly about my love life.

About my girlfriend.

It’s been a couple days since I last texted Sarah. I probably should, but I need to get a good night's sleep tonight and not stay up all night talking to her about what outfit she should wear.

Sure I enjoy fashion, but not girl’s fashion.

I truly don’t know why she asks me for my opinion.

Almost as if on cue my phone buzzes next to the sink with a notification.

A text from Sarah.

Should I open it and show it as read? Or wait till tomorrow and pretend my phone had died?

As if she could read my mind through the phone, she calls me right then.

I picked up the phone and put her on speaker.

“Hey what’s up-”

“Did you get my text?” She interrupted before I had a chance to start a full conversation, per usual.

“No I didn't, I was doing the dishes. Do you want me to look now?”

“No it’s fine, let's just talk.”

The tone of her voice showed she’s hiding something.

“Babe, what’s up?” I say turning the water off for a second.

Nothing, I don’t know why you would think something’s up-”

“I can tell something’s up. I’m not blind to your near invisible cues.”

She laughs a little.

“It’s stupid.” “It’s not stupid if it’s something you’re feeling, Sarah.” I say in a serious tone.

She goes quiet for a moment, then says in a quiet voice. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

I could almost hear the smile appear on her face as she proceeded to talk about her break. How she’s been hanging out with her girlfriends, and the stupid movies she’d been watching with her little siblings. We ended up talking for about an hour before she said she had to go to bed.

“Good night.” I said softly, while laying on my bed.

“Good night, I love you”

“I love you too Sarah.”

As soon as she hung up I put my phone down, plugged it in, and let out a heavy sigh. Talking to girls, more like talking to Sarah, takes lots of energy out of me. I turn my nightstand lamp off and crawl into bed.

Trying not to think of the horrors to come tomorrow morning.