Tides of synesthetic amphibians

The title is sufficient to explain the insanity this contains TW: dark thoughts

Anoixophobia
Never thought
The ice would melt
Now that it is gone
Cold feels warm
Traps
It’s still cold
Enough for birds
Not for bodies
Lifeless Anatidae
Hidden by friends
Finally
Outside after winter
Thought it’d be better
The sun can blind
Here because
Finding things is
Better
Not getting better
Not following the weather
Warms without waiting
Walking to keep up
With the race
Thinking
Always thinking
More thoughts, less logic
Production of waste
Writing for them to leave
They promise to stay
Imagine
The ground remembers
How ice feels
Even in summer
The soul cannot forget
How the darkness
Comforts

Never from concentrate
So many accept life as a dream
Enjoying the art of experience
Only to forget all when morning comes
The few that manage to escape,
To leave the confines of defined purpose
Quickly lose all sense of truth
A solute of life in a solvent of pain
These glimpses of what could be can kill
Purpose spent as metal in the shallows
Always sitting near an open window
To be, one must continue to conform
When some learn they will never feel
Not everyone can breathe water
No one can fix broken lungs
For gills are needed for biological electrolysis
The few wait like wolves
Prowling as one, yet separate
Never to be satisfied by an illusion
Never to be fooled by the existential propaganda
All the others are so easily filled
By hypnotizing pillow stuffing
The minority of them refuse consumption
The race that still needs water

Porpoise palpitations
Dark watery shadows
Swimming in circles
Missing my friends
Where are they?
Who’s this person?
Face is strange
Here isn’t good
They don’t understand
Let me go.
I can’t learn
Not like this
With another species
This is wrong
I’m still swimming
Why continue moving?
Why the experiments?
I’m so scared
I can’t speak
Not like them
I hate this
I’m not human
I need freedom
More broken voices
They’re using me
Find another object.
I cannot live
I’ll stop swimming
Leave me alone
I’ll stop breathing

Panic
The ground is not shaking
That’s you
The sky is not falling
That’s your mind
The oxygen is not running out
That’s your lungs
CALM down
The world is not ending
That’s your life
The walls are not closing in
That’s your perception
The temperature is not rising
That’s your blood
BREATHE
No one else can sense the doom
That’s you
Stop
Just stop
Keep running
Keep crying
Keep going
But stop
Leave
Go
As far as you can as far as your legs will carry you until you fall down and hyperventilate
Find somewhere
Somewhere that you can live
You don’t know where you are going
You don’t know how you got here
Pleasejuststopicantdothisanymoreicantbreatheijustcantlive
It will never stop

Still water
The waves have returned
Disturbing the eternally frozen

Still, still water
In the dilapidated pool

Where wealth once reclined
Lies the shell of a building

Civilization adopting insanity

The bricks can be aware
Of their demise

Crumbled facades
And bent fences

Inside, the picked possessions

Fractured mirrors
And fallen stairs

Even old crows
Pass by this house

Its paneless eyes mourn
For lives never lived

All but the grass
Left to wilt

Now a jungle mats the yard
Hiding more forgotten pieces

Shards of memories
Litter the deer paths

To collect these lives
Would write endless books

But not many search the woods

Pliable scaffolding
Spending midweek mornings
Lying to a woman
So they won’t send me away
Maybe they’ll excuse brokenness
They’ll ignore the nightmares

Because maybe everything is a lie

They’ll stop searching
They’ll stop trying
To steal me away from infrequent rest
They’ll never wake me

Because maybe I am fine

Is that what they want?
All that was different before
Was unbroken lies
So good, I once convinced myself
Can I convince them again?

Because I’m really good at lying

Why must terror dilute to dread?
Like tomes compressed to scraps
When truth is revealed,
Reality is diminished
So all must be kept hidden

Because of walls with eyes