Once upon a time . . .

         When I was young, every bedtime was filled with storybooks. The infamous Dr. Seuss, The Berenstein Bears, and any number of little fairytale books. There was one story that was my favorite, however, and the reason it was my favorite was because Mom just used to tell it to me without a book. That story was Rapunzel.

         I have already determined that when I grow up, a lot of the stories I tell my children will be made up on the spot, without a book, without knowing it beforehand, without anything. Part of me is afraid to do this, because part of me always wants the bad guys to win. Star Wars? I rooted for the evil empire. Jaws? I was rooting for the shark. Jurassic Park? When I went to go see movie 3 I was shushed in the theater for chanting softly "Eat them, eat them, eat them . . . "

         I know what you're thinking. I must be crazy, right? Not at all! I just think that the bad guys always get the short end of the stick. Why do they always have to lose? A little worldwide destruction wouldn't be such a problem, would it? And it isn't even worldwide sometimes! Look at the story of the three little pigs. Now, I never liked the story of the three little pigs anyway, because there are no cute animals in the story. I know the pigs are supposed to be cute, but my first trip to the zoo to see real pigs erased the image of their clean little cartoon bodies from my mind forever. Anyway, we're supposed to view the antagonist as the wolf. Why? So he blows their houses down. Maybe he has a sinus problem. Not to mention the fact that we're teaching children that the ordinary way of things is bad. Pigs are lower than wolves on the food chain - that's just the way it goes. If the pigs keep outsmarting the wolf, we're gonna have an overpopulation of pigs and guess who's gonna be eating pork for the next three weeks? That's right. These pigs might outsmart a wolf, but they can't get past a big hairy construction guy with a bulldozer and an M-16.

         So obviously, you see my problem. I find it hard to make up stories in which the main characters live happily ever after. The reason that Rapunzel was excusable to me as a child was because the Prince gets his eyes poked out and wanders in the wilderness for seven years. The witch wins for awhile, then you figure the guy deserves to be back in his castle waterbed with the long-haired babe. I wonder sometimes if telling my children stories in which the heroes only get to win after long years of suffering might warp their view of the world.

         I think I'll just stick to reading them books.